


Maybe it was the Zombies

by ennui_ephemera



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Canon-Typical Violence, Explosions, M/M, Minor Character Death, Multi, Zombies, a rampant abuse of exy rackets used as weapons, andrew has two pov chapters guess which ones, none of the foxes die dw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-07-04 17:17:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 45,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15845787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ennui_ephemera/pseuds/ennui_ephemera
Summary: “Turn it off. I can’t watch this any longer,” Matt said.“We need to know what’s going on,” Andrew replied flatly.“Andrew, weknowwhat’s going on – the fucking world is ending. I don’t want to see it anymore.” Matt grabbed the remote off the couch beside Neil and flicked the TV off. Andrew didn’t move to stop him.Near the end of Neil’s last year at Palmetto, an outbreak of a disease, nicknamed the Brazilian Fever, throws the world into anarchy when the diseased bodies that started piling up acquired a hunger for flesh. With so much on the line, Neil and the rest of the Foxes decide Palmetto isn’t safe anymore. While decked out in orange and Exy sticks, there’s zombies, violence, enemies dead and alive, and the underlying need for survival.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> the art for this fic was done by the AMAZING val at [cats-are-assholes](http://cats-are-assholes.tumblr.com/)!! give her some love for all her hard work!!
> 
> this is my first big bang fic i've written for, and also the longest thing i've written so far fhjhfd. six months of hard work and we're finally here!! i hope you all enjoy :D

The knock at the door made Neil jump, even though he’d been waiting for it for the past two hours. Neil twisted around in his seat on the couch in time to see Andrew shoving the door open with his foot, two duffel bags strung over his shoulders.

He dumped the bags at the entrance of the hallway before making his way over to Neil, who sat with his arms folded over his legs in front of the TV. The entire time Andrew was gone, Neil had kept his eyes glued to the screen, although not much had changed with the world since then. Neil didn’t take his gaze from Andrew now, but more footsteps told Neil that Aaron and Katelyn didn’t linger in the hallway either.

Andrew had been with Neil for weeks, long before the rest of the Foxes had fled to their families or wherever else they could have gone. Andrew was Neil’s family, and he had come to him as soon as N1-T0, nicknamed the Brazilian Fever, had started to get scary. Shortly after, Stuart had called Neil and asked him to come to Britain and stay with him where he’d be safe in a bunker, he already had the flight arranged. Neil declined, he wasn’t willing to leave Andrew and Stuart was only able to get one plane ticket. Stuart wished him well, and that was the last Neil heard from his uncle. 

The Fever had infected millions by then; quickly burning through South America and infiltrating North America to Europe, Asia, and Africa. It had only taken a matter of months until the Fever had the entire world shuddering in its deadly grip. By then, government agencies all across the world signed treaties and other documents, a promise to put aside differences and wars in order to try to find a cure. It was nice in theory, until North Korea decided to take advantage of America’s moment of weakness and fired off missiles in their direction. The missiles hadn’t even hit before America fired back with just as much power. The missiles landed in Washington and Oregon and left destruction in its wake. Hope for a cure took a backseat to the threat of nuclear destruction. Mankind _would_ find a way to destroy itself before nature did.

“Any news?” Andrew asked, briefly searching Neil’s face before fixing his stare on the images of news reporters, statistics, and graphs flickering across the screen of the TV. He dropped down beside beside Neil on the couch, close enough that his knee pressed into Neil’s.

Neil shook his head. “Nothing on the military. The CDC came out with a new report, though.”

Andrew’s reentrance to his old dorm alerted Nicky to the arrival of his cousins and Katelyn, if the slam of the door against the wall was anything to go by. Nicky stumbled out of the bedroom, wild eyes searching the room. They fell on Aaron and he immediately made his way to him, crushing him into a hug Aaron didn’t try to evade. Nicky pulled Katelyn in too, pressing his face to their hair before letting them go. “Thank God, thank God. I heard they started closing down the airports.”

He was desperate to get his family all together; a couple days ago he had tried to call his mom twice, even though she didn’t pick up the first time. Neil didn’t need to say that she stopped answering him long before the world started to end, Nicky already knew. 

“We’re okay, Nicky. The airport was crawling with military, they checked anything and everything twice at least on and off the plane. They almost didn’t let Kate on.” Aaron’s voice dipped to a whisper at the last part. Neil knew as well as anyone did that if Katelyn didn’t get on the plane, neither did Aaron. Andrew would have driven all the way to Chicago in Matt’s truck to pick them up if he needed to, threat of disease be damned.

Nicky squeezed Katelyn’s shoulder, his face pale and worried. The past couple days he’d been holed up in the room with Erik. 

When the pair got here, a little over a week ago, Erik had looked pale and gaunt. Neil had only seen him a couple of times in person before, but his once glowing skin and shining hair had dulled and he lost a lot of weight when he caught the Fever. It was a miracle he survived and recovered, not that Neil believed in miracles. Erik’s parents, for that matter, weren’t so lucky.

The part about the airports closing down worried Neil. Renee was the only one who wasn’t here yet. Last he heard from her, she had flown home to see her foster mom. That was a week ago, and they haven’t heard news from her other than a quick text sent to Andrew that he should expect her in a couple of days’ time. 

Neil knew that had worried Andrew. Everyone was worried. Matt and Dan had driven down with Allison right after Nicky and Erik arrived, and Kevin had come as soon as he heard Andrew was at Palmetto. Old habits die hard. He, Wymack, and Abby were staying at Abby’s house with Betsy as Reddin had closed down not too long ago. Andrew had picked Betsy up himself.

The girls and Matt were staying in one of the dorms that had been cleared out when everyone left. Now, Palmetto looked like a ghost town. There were few other students there besides the Foxes, even most of the faculty had left. It surprised Neil that he and the other stragglers weren’t kicked out. He guessed that Chuck was just in too much of a hurry to get home to do anything about them staying.

Aaron led Katelyn over to the arm-chair nestled in the corner where they sat together, pulling each other close. Neil eyed Katelyn’s stomach warily. If he looked closely he could see the signs of the baby growing inside her, but the only giveaway that she was pregnant at all was the way she kept gently rubbing her stomach. Aaron grabbed her hand and squeezed it, his eyes creased with concern at the corners and his mouth turned down in a slight frown. Neil understood why he was scared – the world was starting to look like a very scary place to bring a baby into.

A loud beeping from the TV brought Neil’s attention back to the screen. Everyone watched with bated breath at the words flashing across the pictures on the screen. The words said the same thing they did before – _Stay inside. Do not panic. If you start showing symptoms of N1-T0, do not go to the hospital. Repeat: Do not go to the hospital. Stay inside –_ but the images on the screen had even Neil shifting uncomfortably in his seat. 

Riots began in almost every city across the world not too long after the Fever started killing by the thousands. It started with protests against the war with North Korea and Russia, but soon it boiled over into full-out anarchy that police couldn’t snuff out in time. Entire cities were burned and looted, and the destruction flashed across the screen in constant updates.

But this wasn’t an ordinary riot, Neil realized, as the camera panned to a hospital somewhere in Detroit. Windows were smashed in and car alarms blared as people swarmed around them. People screamed and shouted, pushing at the riot barriers. But they weren’t rioters, and they weren’t fighting the police. 

A man in a doctor’s coat shoved a woman in blood-stained scrubs over a barrier before trying to scramble over it as well. A police officer in full riot gear beat him away with his baton. Shots cracked overhead, and the crowd pulsed and screamed, desperately clawing their way from the hospital. Even from the distance Neil could see their wide eyes full of terror. 

The doctor that was trying to crawl over the barriers punched the officer in the face when his helmet got dislodged in the fight and used him as a foothold over when the officer hit the ground. But before he could get far, his body jerked in the air as another round of bullets rained down on the crowd. Someone – Neil thought it was Nicky – gasped loudly.

“What are they doing? Why are the blocking off the hospital?” No one answered him. Everyone was too busy watching as the news reporter frantically waved his hand around the scene and screamed into the microphone.

“The hospital has been sectioned off and anyone who has so much as stepped foot near the building is being quarantined inside the barrier. However, there seems to be a fight breaking out amongst the police and the doctors as they attempt to leave the building–”

The crowd surged again, and Neil’s stomach turned. Another man – he looked like he might have been a patient, with a torn hospital gown and a gaping hole in his throat leading down to his exposed chest – latched onto another person. The person’s screams were muted, but Neil didn’t need to hear her to know what was happening. Several more bloodied people attacked with a viciousness that had Neil’s stomach roiling with sudden nausea. 

The reporter wasn’t talking anymore, his mouth hung open as he took in the scene, the microphone dangling from his limp fingers. The news feed cut off, leaving the screen black except for the same words at the bottom of the screen.

“Oh my god,” someone whispered, breaking the startled silence in the room. A bang coming from behind made Neil jump again, and he wasn’t the only one. He turned around in time to see Matt rushing into the room.

“Did you see that?” He shouted as he stumbled into the living room. “Did you fucking see that?”

Matt’s sudden entrance shattered the shocked silence and the room erupted into chaos. Nicky rushed to Erik, who had propped himself up against the living room wall a couple minutes before. Dan and Allison weren’t too far behind on Matt’s heels, and they were yelling so loudly Neil could barely hear when Andrew moved off of the couch to slam the door behind them. Katelyn had her eyes squeezed shut and Aaron wrapped in his arms around her, his gaze distant. Andrew didn’t say a word as he reappeared and flipped open his phone to make a call. He didn’t stay on the phone for long – Neil thought whoever he called didn’t pick up.

“Calm down – Guys, calm down!” Dan shouted over everyone, ever the fearless captain. Surprisingly, after only a couple minutes of everyone shouting over everyone else, it worked. Dan swallowed and met everyone’s wide eyes around the room. Only Andrew didn’t return her look, instead he tapped out a message on his phone and didn’t look up.

“Those weren’t…” Nicky started, he wound his arms around Erik so tight his arms shook. Erik didn’t seem to mind as he worked trembling fingers through Nicky’s hair. “Were they?”

“This isn’t a horror movie, Nicky,” Aaron said without lifting his gaze from the far wall.

Neil had never seen a horror movie before he met the Foxes. His life was already as much of a nightmare as any movie could be. After Neil’s disastrous first year, they – Nicky and the Upperclassmen mostly – had made it their mission to “educate” Neil by starting Fox Movie Night every Thursday after their night practice and forced him to watch all the “classics”. During those nights he saw a fair share of horror flicks, cheesy zombie movies included. Neil never cared much for the movies; they were too unrealistic and melodramatic for him to like. But they were starting to look a lot more realistic now.

“Is this our life now? A zombie movie?” Allison asked, a hysterical edge rising up in her voice. Neil shot Andrew a look, and Andrew returned it but said nothing, he had his phone pressed to his ear again.

Dan folded her arms across her chest. “We don’t know what that was. For all we know –”

“Really? Because from here it sure looked like that guy was eating that lady’s fucking face off,” Allison said loudly.

“Be quiet,” Andrew snapped. He clapped his other hand to his ear to block out all the noise. Every inch of his frame was tense, from his shoulders down and down his spine. He started to shift his weight on his feet restlessly. There was a small wrinkle between his eyebrows that Neil wanted to smooth away. A couple more seconds passed before Andrew snapped his phone shut with a frustrated huff. “She’s still not picking up.”

“Renee? She hasn’t gotten here yet?” Nicky asked.

Andrew shot him an annoyed glare. “Do you see her here, Nicky?”

“I don’t know, she could have gone to –”

Allison made a frustrated sound in the back of her throat and flicked her fingers in agitation. Whether she was angry at Andrew or Nicky, Neil couldn’t tell.

“Stop arguing!” Dan said. She also had her phone out, and Neil wondered if she was trying to get a hold of Renee as well or if she was sending a text to Wymack. Probably the latter, since Dan wasn’t the type to waste time and if Andrew couldn’t contact Renee, it wasn’t likely she could either.

Andrew must have thought the same thing because he said, “Tell Coach to get over here and bring the others.”

Dan pursed her lips at Andrew’s tone. Tempers were short and the room was taut with fear, it was only a matter of time before a fight broke out. But she nodded and tapped out something on her phone before putting it away.

“What do we do now?” Matt asked slowly, looking from Dan to Neil. Neil looked at Andrew and Andrew held his stare for a moment before returning by Neil’s side on the couch. He sat closer than before, his knuckles brushing against Neil’s. Neil bumped his shoulder into Andrew’s, maybe to ease some of the tension or maybe to help calm himself down.

The couch wasn’t very big, but Nicky brought Erik over before easing him down on the cushion. He looked better than he did when he and Nicky first got here, but the bags under his eyes were prominent and he looked far too skinny. His arms, face, and neck were still scabbed and slightly yellow from where he had scratched his skin bloody. Nicky perched on the arm of the couch and pulled Erik to his chest. Neil swallowed and looked away, turning back to Dan instead.

Dan bit her bottom lip hard enough that Neil was sure it would draw blood. She pressed into Matt’s side, but he was hardly moving. He stared at the words scrolling across the screen like they might say something different if he blinked.

There was another knock at the door about fifteen minutes later. No one talked while they waited, it was the quietest Neil had ever heard the Foxes when they were all in a room together for longer than five minutes. Dan moved to get the door, and Wymack and Betsy filed in. Andrew looked up and flicked his eyes across them, lingering on Betsy to check for any injuries. Then they slid past her to the empty air behind them. “Where’s Kevin?”

“He and Abby will be back soon. They went back to grab some supplies and a first aid kit from Abby’s office,” Betsy explained.

A bolt of alarm went through Neil. “Was anyone hurt?” he asked. 

Initially, the Fever was airborne. That’s how it spread so quickly through country to continent. But then the strain evolved and spread mostly through fluids. Saliva, blood, and any other bacteria-riddled liquid. All it took to get infected was an open wound. Scratches and bites came to mind immediately, making Neil shudder at the zombie imagery.

Betsy shook her head. “It’s just a precaution. When we were driving, there were a couple people outside throwing rocks and bottles. One of the rocks nearly went through the windshield.”

“I think everyone should stay here, for the time being,” Dan said. “It’s getting really dangerous outside, and at least here we have protection and we can stay together. Who knows what might happen if we got separated.”

Wymack tapped his fingers on the side of his arm. “We might need to go back to my apartment or Abby’s house for anything we missed, but if the rest of the dorms are empty, we can take those.”

“They’re locked, but Neil and I can pick them,” Andrew said offhandedly. Wymack nodded without a complaint. He was too used to Neil and Andrew’s illegal activities to be fazed by lock-picking, especially when the world was going up in flames right outside Fox Tower.

“What do we do now?” Nicky repeated Matt’s earlier question after the room went quiet again. Neil guessed he was trying to fill the silence; Nicky never knew what to do when no one was talking, even at times like this. He thrived on conversation, he would sink his teeth into what little words the others gave back to him.

“Do you have food in here? We should probably eat something,” Allison said, to the immediate grunt of disgust from Aaron.

Nicky’s face twisted in a grimace and said, “I don’t think I can eat right now.”

Neil wasn’t really hungry either, but he knew from being on the run that he should keep his strength up and eat anyway. He hadn’t eaten anything since last night, and while his stomach rolled at the thought of food, he needed to eat. “We should eat anyway. If it’s really as bad as it looks out there, we need to keep up our energy. We don’t know the next time we’ll be able to get food.”

“Another reason to wait and not eat all the food as soon as possible,” Aaron argued, moving up in his seat to better glare at Neil.

Neil shot him an annoyed look. “Then some of us can go to the store for food while the others stay here –”

“Are you deaf or something? Dan said not to split up.” Aaron snapped. Neil knew that if he pushed any more Aaron would quickly lose his temper, but he was never one to back down from an argument.

“Oh, when have you ever listened to anything anyone ever told you –” Neil started, feeling his own anger flare.

“Shut up! Both of you!” Dan said. “Arguing will help absolutely no one. What we need is to relax and wait for Renee to get here. Then we can figure it out from there.”

Aaron blew air out of his nose angrily, reminding Neil of a bull ready to charge, but he didn’t say anything else. The calming hand Katelyn placed on his shoulder probably had something to do with it. Neil turned to Andrew, who was already looking at him with an eyebrow quirked. “What?” Neil snapped, but Andrew didn’t say anything.

Neil huffed and decided to get food for himself. He brushed past Dan and Matt in the hallway entrance and into the kitchen. He could hear the click-clack of Allison’s heels following after him. 

Neil rummaged through the fridge, but all that was in there was a couple of beers and a half-eaten pizza that’d been shoved in the back of the fridge for a week. Neil sighed and closed the fridge before continuing his search in the cupboards. All he found was a box of cereal that was on the top shelf and a container of hot chocolate he bought for Andrew. Neil wondered if he could still order takeout.

Neil turned to Allison who was just as fruitless with her search. She pursed her lips for a second and left the kitchen. “There’s no food,” she said when she and Neil were back in the living room. Neil expected Aaron to look smug, but he didn’t. Everyone’s attention was once again turned to the TV.

The screen was no longer blank, instead a different news reporter stared into the camera with her hands clasped tightly and a grim look on her face as she listed off cities and countries. _“Detroit, Michigan. Berlin, Germany. Dubai –”_ Neil didn’t know the correlation between the cities, but it was broadcasting footage from all of them. The hospital in Detroit was in flames, and the riot police shot and hit at the crowd until no one was left standing. It was chaos all over the world.

“Turn it off. I can’t watch this any longer,” Matt said.

“We need to know what’s going on,” Andrew replied flatly.

“Andrew, we _know_ what’s going on – the fucking world is ending. I don’t want to see it anymore.” Matt grabbed the remote off the couch beside Neil and flicked the TV off. Andrew didn’t move to stop him.

~ ~ ~

After everyone split to go to their respective rooms, Neil was alone with Andrew – besides Erik and Nicky who returned to the bedroom – for the first time in what felt like days. Neil did end up having to pick the locks to the three adjacent rooms to them. Katelyn and Aaron went in one room, Betsy by herself in the one over, and then Abby and Wymack to the farthest room. Neil considered picking the last dorm in their hall for him and Andrew, but he was positive it still housed a soccer player who had stayed at the Tower. Neil saw him a couple of days before, rushing past Neil before slamming his door closed without a word.

He and Andrew sat on the couch side-by-side, not saying a word for several minutes after the others had left. Andrew’s shoulder pressed into Neil’s, their knuckles brushing when Andrew checked his phone. Neil could tell he was still worrying about Renee.

Neil was worried about Renee as well. When she was overseas with the Peace Corps, she didn’t have a phone but she often sent the former Foxes and Neil letters or skyped when she could. She came back when the Fever took Matt's mother and Katelyn's parents and her brother. For a while, she was staying with Allison, but she left Allison’s to North Dakota and they’ve scarcely heard a word from her.

But Renee could handle herself. She was a fierce fighter, even now she could win in a fight against Andrew. Neil _knew_ she could handle herself, but he still worried all the same. If they started closing the airports down, there was a very high chance that she wouldn’t be able to make it back. The thought made Neil squirm.

“Stop fidgeting,” Andrew said, conveniently ignoring the fact that his hand kept twitching to his phone.

“What if she doesn’t make it? What if she’s already –” Neil cut himself off. He didn’t want to think about Renee lost or dead. The thought felt like an unfamiliar blow to his chest. Neil wasn’t used to grieving the death of one of his family.

Andrew didn’t say anything for so long Neil thought that he wouldn’t reply at all. But then he shifted so he was facing Neil. “She’ll make it. She knows to meet us here. For all we know, she lost her phone and she’s on her way.”

Neil stayed unconvinced, but he trusted Andrew and he trusted Renee. It would have to be enough.

Neil looked out the window. “It’s getting late. We should probably sleep,” he said. Andrew stood up without saying anything else. He didn’t look back as he led Neil down the hall to the bedroom, but he gave Neil’s hand a small squeeze, which Neil returned.


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, Neil woke to the unexpected smell of coffee. He sat up in his bed and took a few minutes to readjust to consciousness.

Gray light poured into the room, illuminating Andrew, who was still asleep in the bed across from his. The light washed out Andrew’s usually sharp features and highlighted his hair, making it look gold in the low light. Neil’s eyes skimmed across his face to his hand tucked underneath his cheek. His other hand was under the pillow. Andrew used to keep a knife under his pillow when he slept, but he stopped when he and Neil started sharing a bed. Soft was not usually a word people associated with Andrew, but all Neil could think about as he looked at him now was how warmth flooded through Neil’s body and made him feel absolutely and utterly safe. 

It was moments like these when Neil didn’t have to remember how shitty the world outside was, it was moments like this when none of it mattered. Neil wanted to stretch this moment like taffy in his hands to make it last forever, wanted to take a picture and climb in it and stay. 

It couldn’t last forever, though. A cupboard closing in the kitchen broke his concentration, drawing Neil's eyes to the door. He irritably rubbed at his face and slipped off of the top bunk. Erik and Nicky’s bed below his was already empty.

Quietly, Neil pulled on socks and made his way to the kitchen. Nicky was making pancakes while Erik leaned against the counter and murmured quiet words to him in German. He looked better, his skin not so pallid and sickly. He no longer looked on the brink of death. 

Erik looked up at Neil’s entrance and nodded quietly. Neil returned the gesture and made him and Andrew a cup of coffee. There was a small bag of off-brand sugar on the counter which definitely wasn’t there the day before. He spooned some sugar in Andrew's and left his own coffee as it was. Neil took a sip and grimaced when it burned his tongue.

“Careful, it’s hot,” Nicky said a little too late.

“Where did you get all the food?” Neil asked instead, eyeing the eggs Nicky piled on a plate.

“Wymack, Matt, Dan, and I went to the market for food earlier today. It was chaotic. People were fighting over food since the place was already pretty cleared out. It was basically looted. We all grabbed as much food as we could get,” Nicky explained. He didn’t say if they paid or not. Neil wondered if there were even any employees who were still there. “There wasn’t any syrup, unfortunately. Andrew will have to manage without.”

Neil snorted. Andrew notoriously drowned his pancakes with so much syrup he could drink the rest after he finished the pancakes. Neil caught him at it, once. “Oh dear. I don’t know how he’ll manage,” he deadpanned.

Nicky looked up from the stove for the first time since Neil walked into the kitchen and smiled. Neil didn’t realize how little Nicky was smiling lately until that moment. There was a permanent crinkle around his eyes and his lips usually had a downturned quirk to them these days. It made him look older.

Andrew wandered in looking sleep-rumpled and grumpy. Nicky huffed an almost-laugh at his cousin’s unruly hair. “Good morning Sleeping Beauty. Nice look,” he said, pointing his spatula at Andrew before turning back to the stove.

Andrew glared at his cousin but he accepted the coffee Neil pressed in his hands and took a large gulp, not caring about the heat. His mouth twitched in a small grimace as he grabbed the bag of sugar and dumped in enough to give the entire room cavities and then some. He took another drink and gave a slight nod.

A knock sounded at the door, but it didn’t sound urgent. Neil pushed himself up from the counter to answer the door when it was clear Andrew wasn’t going to move until he finished his coffee. He opened it to reveal Matt, who’s hair was wet and dripping down his forehead. “Do you need a towel?” Neil asked.

Matt shook his head, sending droplets of water everywhere. “No, I was wondering if you and the Monster –” Neil grit his teeth at the name “– wanted to go to the store and get some more supplies. We completely ran out of shampoo and Allison needs face wash.”

Neil stared. “I thought you just went to the store. Shouldn’t we lay low here for a while?” he asked.

“We just got food and stuff. We didn’t really have time to make a list of everything we needed, but we can go later today if you want to see what you guys need.” Matt shrugged, unconcerned.

“But the news –”

“It’s not so bad here. Yeah there were a couple of people acting barbaric, but it wasn’t so bad. ‘Sides, if we don’t leave now, all the shelves will be cleared out and we’ll have nothing,” Matt said.

Neil was still unconvinced. From what Nicky said, it didn’t sound like any other Sunday shopping trip. Allison had taken Neil Black Friday shopping once, and Neil swore he almost lost a hand to a soccer-mom that was basically foaming at the mouth when he reached for the same thing she did. He didn’t even want it, he picked it up to humor Allison. Half the time Neil was there he felt like he was fighting for survival, and Neil _knew_ what fighting for his survival felt like.

Still, it would be good to see how bad the outside world was for himself. He had barely left the dorm since Wednesday, and from what he saw on TV, the riots were getting worse. Yesterday felt like a breaking point that finally tipped the world over the edge. Neil could take note of the conditions and prepare for it.

“Okay. I’ll ask Andrew for what we need and we’ll make a list, I guess. I’ll meet you at your dorm,” Neil said. Matt nodded and clapped his shoulder as if Neil had said he’d run Matt’s laps for him on the court, not like he just agreed to go get some shampoo with him. Matt went back to his own dorm and Neil closed and locked the door behind him. Andrew was waiting in the hallway behind Neil when he turned away, leaning against the wall with a bored expression on his face. He wasn’t carrying the coffee mug anymore, instead he had his arms crossed loosely over his chest.

“You’re leaving the dorm,” Andrew said, more of a statement than a question.

Neil nodded. “Do we need anything else? What did Nicky get already?”

“Ask him. I’m not a messaging pigeon.” Andrew turned away and headed towards the bathroom. 

Neil returned to the kitchen and started going through the cupboards. Aside from the pancake mix, eggs, coffee, and sugar, Nicky also grabbed orange juice, a few cans of Spaghetti-o’s, two misshapen frozen pizzas, and what Neil assumed was a fruit he had never even seen before. Neil grabbed it and raised an eyebrow at Nicky, who shrugged.

“I told you most of the food was gone already. I thought I’d grab it just in case,” he said.

Andrew popped his head around the corner and rattled off a list of things that they needed. He disappeared again and Neil followed after asking Nicky if there was anything else they should grab. When he walked into the bedroom, Andrew was already half-dressed. Neil went to his dresser and pulled out a clean shirt and pants. The shirt was pale gray and worn, his jeans were starting to fray a little at the ends, but Neil didn’t mind. He dressed quickly and turned around. 

Andrew scoffed when he saw Neil’s outfit. “You never learn,” he said, tugging at the edge of Neil’s shirt.

Neil narrowed his eyes. “We’re just going to the store, not to the club.” He sent a pointed look to Andrew’s all-black ensemble that clung to his body like a second skin. Not that Neil was really complaining. Still. “There’s nothing wrong with my clothes.”

Andrew rolled his eyes. “Can’t teach an old dog new tricks, I suppose.”

“You’re older than me. Are we going or what?” Neil asked impatiently. Andrew raised his eyebrows at him but didn’t argue the point further. Instead he grabbed his wallet and left the room, knowing Neil would follow.

They met Matt in the hallway, who was already waiting for them. His hair was back to its usual spikes and he looked far calmer than Neil felt he should. The three of them took the elevator downstairs to the deserted parking lot. The only cars there besides Wymack’s was Matt’s truck and a silver Honda Civic, since Andrew left the Maserati at his apartment when he flew down to Palmetto. 

Neil climbed into the passenger’s seat while Andrew sat behind him. It was comforting to have Andrew at his back. He was a pillar of strength and support Neil knew he could count on without hesitation. It didn’t matter that the world was turning to anarchy, as long as Andrew had Neil’s back and Neil had Andrew’s, it would be okay.

Matt threw the truck into reverse and pulled out of the parking lot with burning rubber and a squeal of tires. It usually would have taken about ten minutes to get to the store they were going to, but it took nearly thirty because several roads were blocked off with traffic cones and debris. 

Other than a few stragglers here and there, Neil hardly saw anyone. It was nearing the afternoon, and even when it was a Sunday, it was strange to see so little people. It felt off. A month ago, Neil could almost pretend everything was normal. But now it looked like a scene straight out of one of the movies Matt made him watch.

The store was a mess. Windows were smashed in and people were running out with items that were most likely looted. There wasn’t a lot of stuff left, but they did their best, nonetheless. 

Matt grabbed a cart and weaved through the shelves of the store, dumping whatever they needed in. There were three bottles of shampoo left and one body wash. Neil found some face wash for Allison but he wasn’t sure if it was the kind she liked. She would have to deal with it, he supposed. There weren’t a lot of other options.

Andrew and Matt wandered off to other aisles while Neil snatched some band aids, gauze, and other medical supplies that they might need. In the corner of his eye he saw a large man who looked a little more than worse for wear shoveling a variety of pills into his bag. Neil kept his distance; the man had several inches of height on Neil and even though his clothes hung off of his skinny frame, he was still a lot bigger than Neil.

The man looked up and caught Neil’s eye. He paused, his eyes red-rimmed and puffy, as he took stock of what was in Neil’s hands. “Hey,” he said. He pointed a wavering finger at Neil and said with a gravelly voice, “I need those. Give ‘em to me.”

Neil decided to ignore him and turned back to the shelf he was searching. He grabbed some bottles of pain killers and stuffed them into his pockets so he had more room to carry things. The man shuffled closer. Neil noticed he walked with a limp. Neil didn’t intend to stick around in case a fight started, but he could use the man’s limp to his advantage if he needed to. He didn’t want to put his back to the man, but the man was blocking one of the exits from the aisle and alarm bells were going off in Neil’s head, telling him to get out of there. 

Neil turned and intended to leave as soon as possible and find Andrew and Matt, but before he could get very far, the other exit was blocked by an equally ragged-looking man whose lips pulled back into a feral smile that revealed blackened gums and missing teeth. Neil froze when he saw the light glinting off the rusty knife in his hand. “Give me those,” he growled.

Flipping around so he could see both men at once, Neil backed up into the shelf to keep his back from being exposed. He briefly entertained climbing the shelves and vaulting over into the next aisle, but the men would catch him and drag him back down before he could get away. Neil’s eyes flicked between the two men, he would have to make a run for it and the first man would be easier to get past. He was larger than the second man, but he didn’t have a weapon. Neil had a better chance at slipping around him.

With a moment’s hesitation, Neil launched himself towards the man with a limp. From the look on his face, it looked like he wasn’t expecting it, but he reached out and tried to snatch at Neil anyway. He grabbed a hold of Neil’s t-shirt in a tight fist, but Neil kicked at his knee and felt more than heard the loud pop as his knee snapped out of place. 

The man howled in pain and Neil used his distraction to yank his shirt out of the man’s grimy grip and book it out of the aisle. He heard fast footsteps behind him as the second man chased after him, but Neil was faster. Neil swerved into aisles and looped around, trying to lose him, when he turned and nearly ran face-first into Matt’s chest.

“Neil, what the hell?” Matt asked, sounding alarmed. Neil dumped the stuff he scavenged in the cart and grabbed Matt’s elbow, pulling him toward where he thought Andrew was.

“Found band aids. We gotta go,” Neil said. Matt stared at him, his mouth agape, but Neil didn’t have time for an explanation because the man with the knife was barreling towards them like a bullet. Matt took the hint and grabbed the cart and ran after Neil. Neil looked around for Andrew and for a weapon to fight off the lunatic but found neither.

“Hey, you little bastard! Get back here!”

 _’Not so bad here’ my ass._ Neil turned a corner into the home repair aisle and found Andrew waiting with a metal crowbar that still had the price tag attached to it. “Duck,” he said. Neil did as he was told and he and Matt dove behind Andrew. 

Andrew swung the crowbar with as much force as a professional Exy goalkeeper could and hit the man across the abdomen. The man hit the ground with a loud _oof_ as his knife clattered across the floor. Matt swiped at it with his foot before the man could reach it, but the man just gripped his stomach and writhed around on the ground.

Andrew stepped around the man when he was sure he wasn’t getting up anytime soon. They had most of what they needed, and what they didn’t, the store didn’t have. They left not too long after that, deciding it wasn’t smart to stick around.


	3. Chapter 3

Two more days went by and the Foxes still hadn’t heard from Renee. Allison especially was growing more and more agitated. She nagged at everyone and constantly snapped at the closest people to her. Tempers rose and Kevin finally lost it, his face bright red as he ranted. Neil thought his he was literally going to blow his top. Allison argued with him, and their voices rose higher and higher until Dan stepped in and yelled at both of them to shut up. Kevin seethed and Allison looked ready with another retort on her tongue, but Abby sent them to different rooms to cool off.

Andrew had grabbed cigarettes at the store before they left, so he and Neil escaped to the roof to smoke them quietly. Neil was glad to be away from the rest of the Foxes. He didn’t realize how overwhelmed he was until his feet touched the cement on the roof and he could finally breathe again. 

Neil didn’t smoke his cigarette, he let it burn to the filter as he watched the smoke swirl into the sky until the breeze whisked it away. The burning car on the beach felt so far away, it was almost like a bad dream in the back of his head. Now the smoke he tasted on his tongue reminded him of Andrew rather than charred flesh. He closed his eyes and focused on the smell, letting it center him.

When he opened his eyes again, Andrew was already watching him, his second cigarette dangling lazily from his fingers. A short thrill went through Neil when he realized they were truly alone together for the first time in too long. Andrew reached out his hand and hovered it by Neil’s head in question. Neil nodded and Andrew slipped his fingers through Neil’s hair, making sigh contentedly and close his eyes again.

They stayed like that for several comfortable minutes until Andrew tugged on a strand of Neil’s hair, not hard, but enough to get his attention. “Yes or no?”

“Yes,” Neil said immediately, and Andrew leaned in to kiss him. The kiss wasn’t particularly soft or gentle, but it was slower than their usual kisses. Neil craved it, leaned into it. The remaining tension left in his body and Neil let himself go slack against Andrew.

Andrew broke away first but he didn’t lean back yet so neither did Neil. Andrew’s fingers were still brushing the spot right behind Neil’s ear so Neil reached up and tangled their fingers together. Andrew leaned his forehead against Neil’s for a moment before drawing back enough to look him in the eyes. He didn’t say anything, but Neil was content to just watch.

They made their way back inside after that, but neither of them felt like returning to the dorms so they skipped the rooms and walked towards the elevator. They walked around campus for a while, not really talking but not ignoring each other either. The air was already starting to warm up, but it was still cool enough to wear long-sleeved shirts. As soon as April swung around, that would change, Neil thought.

They weren’t the only ones out, however. Neil spotted two figures in the distance heading in their direction. When they got closer Neil recognized one of them – it was Johnny from his Spanish class. Johnny was always nice enough and he let Neil borrow his notes when he fell asleep in class, but he was too cheerful for Neil to stomach. The other boy was taller and more sullen-looking than Johnny. He had a beanie pulled over his hair and was staring at Neil and Andrew with vague disinterest. Both of them were carrying bags.

Johnny halted in front of Neil and Andrew and smiled in greeting. Neil stopped too, despite the annoyed glance Andrew threw in his direction. “Are you guys heading North too? You’re going in the wrong direction,” Johnny said, not unkindly.

“No,” Neil said, confusion evident in his voice. The boy with the beanie raised an eyebrow at that.

“No?” Johnny repeated, clearly dumbfounded. He and the other boy exchanged a look. “Have you been watching the news? People are evacuating and going North because Mexico’s basically overrun at this point. They’ve already closed off most of the borders in South America too. Your best bet is to go North.”

Neil stared. They hadn’t really turned on the TV since Aaron and Katelyn arrived. All of the channels said the same thing – the world was taking a nose dive and there wasn’t anything anyone could do about it. Neil didn’t know they were shutting down borders. He said, “We’re fine here. We have everything we need.”

“O-kay…” Johnny said, drawing out the syllables. It was clear he and the other boy thought Neil was being stupid. Neil bristled but didn’t bother to try and explain himself any further. Johnny took that for the end of the conversation that it was and brushed past Andrew and Neil. “Well, good luck with that, I guess.”

Despite Johnny's condescendence, Neil was curious to see what the news was saying, so he and Andrew looped back around to Fox Tower. 

When they got to their floor, the first thing Neil noticed was that the door farthest down the hall was open, the one that the soccer player was staying in. Neil had a bad feeling about it, but he didn’t say anything as he followed Andrew to the door. 

Andrew already had his keys out to unlock the door when Neil glanced up and froze. His blood instantly went cold and his heartbeat kicked into overdrive in his chest. “Andrew,” he warned in a low voice.

Andrew turned at the tone of Neil’s voice and saw what made him stop in his tracks. The soccer player stood at the end of the previously empty hall, his face and arms so scratched and bloody Neil wouldn’t have recognized him if it weren’t for the bright orange Palmetto State soccer shirt he wore in tatters. He stared at them with glassy, bloodshot eyes as he took a wavering step closer. Saliva and blood dribbled down his chin when he opened his mouth and let out a gurgling, low groan.

“Shit.” Andrew jammed his key in the lock and turned it hard enough to break it. He shoved the door open with his shoulder and the door snapped open with a loud _crack_ as the soccer player lunged at them. Neil scrambled away and threw his weight against the door when he was inside, narrowly missing a hand slashing through the air at his face. 

The door slammed shut, but the soccer player had forced his arm into the space between the door and the wall and was trying to claw his way in. Neil saw a flash of metal in the corner of his eye as Andrew stabbed a knife into the arm, but it only seemed to enrage him further. He was stronger than Neil expected and the door burst open, throwing both Andrew and Neil backward. Neil stumbled into the wall and took off into the living room where Nicky and Erik looked at them with wide eyes.

“What the hell –” Nicky started but Andrew grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and shoved him into the kitchen. He already had another knife out, but he couldn’t get too close without risking getting scratched or bitten. 

The soccer player-turned-zombie snarled and swiped at Neil with bloodied nails. He dodged and ducked under the zombie’s thrashing arms, heading to the bedroom. The zombie took off after him, but Neil turned sharply and it crashed into the wall hard enough to shake the entire dorm. It bought Neil enough time to wrench the door open and dive towards the closet where Andrew put the crowbar. Neil grasped it and spun around, aiming for the zombie in an underhand swing that would make Kevin proud.

The head of the crowbar sunk into the zombie’s skull with a sickening crunch. Despite its previous strength, the zombie’s head caved in easily. Blood spattered across the walls and painted Neil’s face and clothes with a dark oily red. The body slumped to the ground, still twitching. Neil brought the crowbar down onto the zombie’s destroyed face in one last blow, finishing it off for good.

Neil thought he heard footsteps running down the hall toward him, but that could have been his heart beating fast like a drum in his ears. Neil sucked in a deep breath and choked on it.

Andrew rushed into the room and appeared at Neil’s side immediately. He patted Neil down for injuries before pulling him out of the room with a hand on the back on his arm. He closed the door behind them and brought Neil into the living room. 

Neil went without a thought, for a second he was sure his breakfast would make a reappearance. He was still holding the crowbar, so Andrew took it out of his unresisting hands and leaned it against the wall. It left a stain of red on the gray carpet.

Nicky peaked his head around the corner and visibly blanched when he saw Neil’s bloody face. “Did you get bit?” He asked.

Neil shook his head, not daring to open his mouth when there was blood everywhere. He pushed away from Andrew, not wanting to get blood on him in case he got infected and pressed his back to the wall. Nicky stared at Neil in horror and whispered something under his breath that sounded like a prayer. 

Andrew disappeared into the kitchen and Neil heard a drawer snick open and the sink cut on and off. He came back and tossed a wet towel at Neil which he used it to wipe off as much of the mess as he could, taking care to not get any in his mouth. Neil didn’t know what to do with the bloody towel after he was done with it, so he dropped it in the garbage can in the kitchen. Maybe they should burn it. When he turned back around, three pairs of eyes were staring at him.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Nicky asked. He sounded like he was on the verge of panicking. Neil felt like _he_ was on the verge of panicking.

“I didn’t get scratched or bitten and I smashed the zombie’s head in so it’s dead.” Neil’s voice sounded detached and flat, not even he could detect the unstable wobble he felt in his chest. Nicky looked like he was going to puke and Erik was staring at Neil like _he_ was a zombie. Meeting Andrew’s eyes was near impossible.

“What the hell happened here?” Wymack’s voice broke the tense silence.

The noise must have attracted the rest of the Foxes' attention because they began flooding into the room one by one. Neil felt claustrophobic and cornered against the wall. Andrew put out an arm, preventing anyone from getting closer to Neil. Neil shot him a grateful look, finally meeting his gaze.

Wymack motioned for Neil to explain. Neil swallowed the nausea rising up his throat. “There’s a body in my room,” was all his mouth could utter.

Wymack’s eyebrows shot up and Matt swore. Neil shifted uncomfortably under everyone’s eyes. He felt like a bug under a microscope. “I need a shower,” he said, but his legs wouldn’t move.

“Wait – wait no. You’re covered in blood and there’s a _body_ in your room. What the hell happened?” Matt demanded.

Neil couldn’t force the words past his lips, so Nicky did it for him. “There was a fucking _zombie_ in here. Neil said he killed it.”

Matt gaped at him and Neil shrugged uncomfortably. He didn’t know what else to do and he really wanted to get all the blood off of him before it dried all the way. Luckily, Wymack noticed and shooed everyone out. Neil didn’t want to stay in the dorm any longer, and none of the others seemed to want to either as they followed.

Andrew left last, carrying a clean pair of clothes for Neil and a fresh towel. He handed them over and told him to shower in the girls’ room. Neil nodded numbly and, when he was finally able to move, locked himself in the bathroom.

Neil didn’t want to look at his reflection, but his eyes were drawn to the mirror like a moth to a flame. His face was still streaked with smears of blood he’d missed, a stark contrast to the icy blue in his wild eyes.

Neil flinched away and quickly peeled off his ruined clothes without another peak. He jumped into the shower and scrubbed his body clean until his skin turned red. He checked to make sure he really didn’t get scratched, then checked two more times for good measure. 

When he turned off the water, the bathroom was full of steam, making the mirror fog up so that his reflection wasn’t more than an abstract blur of colors and shape. He dressed quickly but the slippery panic he held a desperate grip on finally caught up to him. 

Neil gripped the edge of the sink and tried to control his breathing, but it was coming in too-short gasps that didn’t allow Neil to get enough air through to his lungs. He gasped and sank to the ground to his knees. He gripped his hair and tugged it viciously, trying to anchor himself as he pressed his forehead to the cold floor. His head felt fuzzy from the lack of air but Neil couldn’t get a proper breath in when he was bent over his legs like that. His hands were cold and clammy despite the muggy bathroom air as he pressed them to his face and squeezed.

After several dizzying minutes, Neil was able to suck in a long stream of air through his teeth. He breathed in through his mouth and out his nose like Andrew taught him to until he could breathe normally again. He rubbed at his face for a second before pushing himself upright with trembling hands and checked under his nails for the blood he was sure to find.

A knock startled Neil enough to make him fall back on his heels. “You okay, Neil?”

“Fine,” Neil called, pushing up from the ground and steadying himself on the counter. He opened the door and followed Abby into the living room.

Matt and Dan were squeezed on the couch with Katelyn and Erik. Behind them, Aaron, Kevin, and Nicky huddled together by the hallway where Andrew stood several feet away, closest to Neil. Allison was paced near the door, ignoring everyone, while Wymack and Betsy talked in hushed voices beside her. Neil awkwardly slipped into the crowded room beside Andrew, hoping no one would notice him. 

But of course, they did because they were waiting for him. Neil’s entrance caused the room to erupt into a noise of questions and concern. Betsy was giving him a considering look, which made Neil uncomfortable.

Aaron was the one who asked the only question that really mattered. He glared at Neil and said, “You get infected?”

The room fell quiet as Neil carefully considered the question. “I didn’t get scratched or bitten, I know that for sure. I checked three times. And I don’t think I got any blood in my mouth.”

Aaron’s eyes flashed. “You _think_ ,” he said, his voice laced with venom. Neil cursed himself for his choice of words.

“I know I didn’t get infected,” he corrected. “I would have tasted it if I got blood in my mouth.”

Aaron didn’t look any less angry, but most of the other Foxes relaxed. While Matt and Nicky looked relieved, Allison and Erik still looked uneasy and unconvinced. “I’m fine,” he said.

Nicky groaned. “Neil, you’ve got to stop saying that, man.”

Neil still felt on edge, but the tension in the room melted away for a moment. It was quiet until Matt hesitatingly started a tentative conversation about something so mundane, considering what just happened. Nicky clung onto the conversation lead like a lifeline and chimed in with his own opinions. 

Neil said nothing, his mind was scattered and spun with too many different thoughts. Andrew caught Neil’s eyes and held him in place. He squinted up at Neil and Neil nodded at the question in his eyes. Andrew scrutinized him a moment longer before leaning against the wall beside him. No one mentioned that there was a bloody mess in the other room; that would be dealt with later.

There was a knock at the door, interrupting Matt’s story. The room fell quiet and everyone looked to the door with varying degrees of apprehension. No one moved until Andrew pushed up from the wall and grabbed the crowbar that he’d brought with him. Wymack blocked his path and when Andrew made to go around him, put a finger to his lips and crept to the door. Wymack unlocked it and slowly turned the door knob. Andrew gripped the crowbar and tensed, preparing for a fight.

When he swung the door open, it revealed a harried and rough-looking Renee.


	4. Chapter 4

Neil hadn’t seen Renee in person for nearly a year, and he had never been gladder to see her than he did now. 

Renee had a metal pipe clutched in one hand and a dirty backpack in the other. Her hair fell in dirty tangles over her face, a tattered curtain covering scrapes and bruises. There were layers of old bruising under new cuts and scrapes, and a rather nasty gash under her eye that was haphazardly taped. Her shoulders were tense and every inch of her body was rigid, but she relaxed when she saw Wymack and Andrew. Wymack ushered her in quickly, taking the backpack and pipe from her and setting it by the door.

Neil heard Allison cry out as she pushed past everyone, shoving Abby aside and slipping around Wymack so she could crush Renee in a hug. They were both shaking, and Neil thought he saw Renee briefly brush her lips against Allison’s before pressing her face into her neck. Allison mumbled something Neil couldn’t hear, and Renee combed her fingers through Allison’s hair. The moment was strangely intimate so Neil looked away to give the two some privacy, but they were already pulling away from each other.

Since the wall blocked the view of the door from the couch, the only other people who saw Renee at the door were Aaron, Nicky, and Kevin. 

When Allison pulled Renee into the room by her hand, Dan scrambled off of the couch and she and Matt practically launched themselves at her. Matt whooped loudly with happiness and lifted Renee off her feet in a massive bear hug. Dan threw an arm across Renee’s shoulders as Abby squeezed Renee’s other hand. Nicky’s eyes were wet by the time he made it through the crowd to Renee as well.

Kevin had his arms crossed tightly against his chest, but he looked relieved as he nodded at Renee. She smiled at him and Aaron while Dan pulled her to the couch where she sat by Katelyn and Erik. Katelyn said with a relieved smile, “Good to see you again.”

Renee’s return smile was tired when she said, “I heard you are expecting.” She directed the last part to both Aaron and Katelyn. “Congratulations.”

The corner of Aaron’s mouth lifted just a little, it was the first time Neil had seen him smile since he got here. Katelyn grinned and brightly told them she was about three and a half months along. They talked about baby stuff for a while, but Neil didn’t listen. Instead he watched Andrew.

Andrew stood in the hallway directly across from Neil with his hands in his pockets. The crowbar lay at his feet against the wall near the backpack. Neil wound his way through Betsy and Abby until he was standing in front of Andrew. Andrew didn’t look up from Renee until Neil lightly kicked his foot.

“Told you she’d be okay,” Neil said.

Andrew hummed and narrowed his eyes. “Funny. I distinctly remember telling you that.”

Neil shrugged. “Same thing,” he said, to which Andrew snorted.

“How are you, Renee?” Dan asked slowly. All other conversation stopped as everyone turned to Renee.

Renee’s lips flattened to a thin line. “I’ve been better. I didn’t mean to keep you all waiting for so long.”

“Did you make it to North Dakota?” Matt asked. Renee nodded, but her eyes were sad so Neil prepared for the worst.

“My mom wasn’t at the house. When I got there, the place was ransacked. It looked like someone went through and looted it,” Renee started, her voice gave way to a slight wobble. “I looked for a sign that she got hurt in the fight, blood or anything. But there was nothing.”

Abby whispered something sympathetic but Renee wasn’t done. “I found a note though,” she said, disentangling her arm from Dan’s grip. She rummaged in her pocket before pulling out a crumpled piece of paper which she unfolded and smoothed out with her fingers.

Neil couldn’t see what was on the note, but Dan took it from Renee. “ _Karma. North Carolina. Safe Haven,”_ She read out loud.

“Karma?” Nicky asked, exchanging a look with Aaron. “That’s a safe haven?”

“Earlier today –” Neil didn’t say _before the zombie_ “– Andrew and I ran into one of my classmates. He mentioned that people were evacuating north. Maybe they’re setting up havens for survivors,” he said.

“He also said that Mexico is overrun, but he didn’t say by what,” Andrew whispered lowly. Neil thought of the mess waiting for them in the other room. He wondered if that was _what_.

“I think my mom left this for me to find. If there’s a chance she’s still alive, she’ll be at Karma,” Renee said.

“Is it safe to leave?” Kevin asked. He looked around the room incredulously, as if he couldn't believe people were planning on going somewhere with guaranteed safety. “It’s relatively safe here, there’s no reason to leave.”

“Are you serious? There’s a dead zombie in the other room,” Matt said. “I don’t think that’s considered safe.”

“Well, technically, a zombie is already dead –”

“Shut up, Nicky,” Allison snapped, shooting him a glare that could stop a raging bull in its tracks. Nicky’s mouth clicked shut.

“I’m not asking the rest of you to come with me,” Renee started. “I’m just telling you that I will be going to the haven to find my mom.”

“Splitting up is stupid,” Andrew said abruptly. He didn’t look at anyone except Renee and Neil, despite the surprised looks Dan and Nicky sent him. “And Palmetto is not going to stay safe forever; eventually we will run out of food and supplies. We’d be sitting ducks.”

Renee tilted her head toward Andrew in his show of support. He didn’t say anything else, but he’d said enough. “It’s getting pretty bad out there. I lost my phone in a fight on the way to the house and had no other form of contact. They’ve shut down airports, and entire cities have been destroyed.

“If you decide to go with me, we’ll have to move quickly,” Renee said. “The longer we stay here, the more dangerous it’ll get.”

Kevin huffed. “The military will be making its way here, we should stay and wait.”

“And you think the military is really going to go through and save people? If anything, they’re going to create more bodies for the survivors to deal with,” Aaron said.

Kevin looked at Aaron like he had grown a second head. “Why do _you_ want to go? Your wife is pregnant, more reason to stay here and wait –”

“Wait for what? We don’t have sufficient medical supplies, Kevin. And it’s not like we can just go to the hospital in case you haven’t been watching the news.” Aaron’s shoulders bunched up like he was ready to throw a punch. “We have a better chance of getting Katelyn the help she needs at a haven that is probably stocked with, I don’t know, actual medical equipment that we don’t have.”

“It’s settled then,” Andrew said when no one else argued. “We leave tomorrow.”

“Woah, hey, that’s a bit too soon don’t you think?” Matt said.

“No, he’s right. If we stay any longer it’ll just be harder to pick up and leave. The sooner we go, the better,” Neil said. Wymack caught Neil’s eye and nodded at him. 

Neil knew that whatever happened, he couldn’t be separated from his Foxes. They were his family, and he’d go anywhere with them. He didn’t like the thought of running again, but this was a necessary evil. And this time, he’d be running with his family by his side. He’d be running toward something, not away. Neil nodded back.

“We should get some sleep, before then. The bus doesn’t have a lot of gas left, but it’ll be enough to take us to the haven,” Wymack said. “We’ll make it through this, we always have. We’re stronger together.”

Dan nodded in agreement. Then she looked at Neil. “What do you guys want to do? I don’t suppose you’ll want to go back to your room and sleep there.”

“We have extra beds in our dorm,” Katelyn volunteered, shooting a look at an already-sulking Aaron.

“I have room in mine as well,” Betsy said.

“Neil and I can room with Bee. Nicky and Erik can go in the other room,” Andrew said. 

Neil frowned slightly. It’s wasn’t that he didn’t like Betsy, it’s just that they just hadn’t gotten any closer throughout the years. The only reason he didn’t outright dislike her was because she meant something to Andrew. It was only for one night, though. He could suck it up for a while.

Neil expected Aaron to throw a hissy fit about having to share a living space with Nicky and Erik, but he only really seemed peeved that he was sharing at all. Aaron caught Neil looking and rolled his eyes. Neil shrugged, unconcerned, and followed Andrew to their former room.

Nicky didn’t want to go back inside with them, so Andrew and Neil were tasked with getting all their stuff too. 

When they opened the door, the stench hit Neil a punch, making his stomach roll. It was the sickening smell of death and decay that Neil was all too familiar with. He had to breathe out of his mouth to keep from gagging, but the rotting smell seemed to coat his tongue. He wasn’t sure why he didn’t notice it when he first came face-to-face with the zombie, but he guessed he was a bit distracted. 

Andrew slowly opened the door to the room and peered inside for a second before stepping around the mess and getting to work. Neil followed after a slight hesitation.

Neil dug out his old duffel bag from underneath his mattress and brushed the dust from it. The familiar worn fabric in his hands was at once comforting and disconcerting. It reminded him of running and survival all at once. He twisted his fingers in the straps to disguise the slight tremble in his hands and tugged. Andrew reached over and gave Neil a slight push between his shoulder blades to get him moving. 

Neil opened his dresser drawers and dumped some clothes in. He had more clothes than he used to, so not everything would fit. He picked out the most sensible clothes, older shirts and jeans that would allow him to blend in and have a better range of motion in the loose fabric. He mostly ignored the club clothing Andrew and Nicky bought him that would be tighter and less practical, but he couldn’t force himself to let go of a charcoal gray, almost black, long-sleeved shirt that had originally been Andrew’s.

Once he finished packing his duffel, Neil picked up one of the identical suitcases from the closet. He couldn’t decide which one was Nicky’s and which was Erik’s because they both had _Klose_ stitched to the front. Neil grabbed one at random and went through Nicky’s clothes. 

Nicky didn’t bring a lot of clothes down from Germany, but what he did was more bright and tighter than the clothes Neil packed for himself. He guessed it didn’t matter so much, a large group of people were going to attract attention whether Nicky was wearing washed out colors or not. He quickly stuffed the clothes in and grabbed whatever else Nicky had brought. By the time he was done, Andrew had already finished his and Erik’s bag and had gone to the kitchen to pack up all the food that they could bring with.

Neil paused when he saw his keys on his desk. Technically, they were useless now, but Neil felt an ache when he thought of leaving them. Their use was more than just opening doors, it was a symbol of Neil’s home with the Foxes and Andrew. He couldn’t part with them. Neil snatched them from the desk and slipped them in his pocket.

Neil trailed around the dorm to make sure they didn’t forget anything before calling out to Andrew. Andrew answered back and they left the dorm, not wanting to linger any longer than necessary. When Andrew and Neil got back to the girls’ dorm, Renee was missing again but the shower was running. 

Nicky wrinkled his nose when the pair got close with his and Erik’s bags. “What’s that smell?” He asked. Neil opened his mouth to answer, but Nicky grimaced and said, “Wait no, don’t answer that. I don’t want to know.”

Andrew went to stand by Betsy who was having a discussion with Abby about something. She stopped when Andrew approached and gave him a small smile. “I hope you don’t mind sharing a dorm with me, I can sleep on the couch if you want me to.”

Andrew shook his head. “Do what you want, but I don’t need you to do anything.”

Betsy smiled again, understanding what Andrew meant. She glanced past him and nodded at Neil, who kept his distance. She didn’t watch to see if he nodded back, instead she excused herself to the kitchen. “Go ahead and get yourself settled, then. I'll be in around eight.”

The day’s events settled deep in Neil’s bones, making him feel more exhausted than he thought he should. He followed Andrew to Betsy’s room and into the bedroom. There were only two beds instead of three, so Neil doubled back and set his duffel on the couch. When Andrew didn’t call him back, he plopped down and closed his eyes.

He didn’t mean to fall asleep, but when he opened his eyes again Andrew was settled on the other side of the couch, his hair still wet from a shower. He flicked a bored look at Neil and said, “Go shower. You stink.”

Neil rubbed at his eyes but didn’t complain. He grabbed a hoodie, sweats, and clean underwear from his duffel and went to the bathroom. Neil didn’t take as long in the shower since he was still clean from earlier that day, but he did wash his hair since he didn’t do it last time. As he scrubbed the soap out of his hair, he leaned his head back and let the hot water work all the aches from his body.

Andrew was still waiting for Neil on the couch when he left the steaming bathroom. When Neil sat down Andrew pulled Neil’s head to his shoulder and ran his fingers through his hair. The water made it curly so Andrew methodically worked out the tangles without saying anything. They weren’t really the type for tenderness like this; the world had beaten it out of them and left them for dead a long time ago, but occasionally there were moments where they would lay their defenses aside. Neil lived for those moments.

Neil pulled away after a while, and Andrew dropped his hand so it was resting and radiating warmth on top of Neil’s thigh. The room was starting to dim, and Betsy could walk in at any moment, but Neil let himself see Andrew and be seen in return. It used to be scary, how much Andrew saw him, how much he knew him. But Neil didn’t have to fear the deep thrum he felt in his chest when he was near Andrew anymore. It was comforting and familiar.

“Go to sleep,” Andrew said, but he made no effort to move. Neil nodded, not really noticing when his eyes dipped to Andrew’s lips. Andrew huffed but gave him a firm peck on the corner of his mouth before getting up. “Sleep.”

The door to the bedroom closed as Andrew retired to his own bed, leaving Neil alone in the living room. Neil moved his duffel bag to the floor and stretched out on the couch. He was almost entirely unconscious by the time Betsy came in.


	5. Chapter 5

The Foxhole Court looked the same as it always did in the afternoon light, a stark contrast of orange and white against a saturated blue sky. It seemed to exist in its own bubble, untouched from everything else in the world. A haven of its own; separated from the death and destruction wreaked across the rest of the earth. 

Neil hooked his fingers in the chain-link fence and resisted every urge to jump it and run to the court. Before he could decide whether to give into the impulse or not, Wymack keyed in the code and the gate swung open. Neil stopped himself from pushing past Allison and Matt as he anxiously waited for them to go through, but it was a near thing. 

Stepping inside the building filled Neil with a longing so deep it ached to pick up a racket and feeling the familiar weight in his hands. He closed his eyes and imagined gripping the handle and using all his strength to swing, the goal would light up red when the ball hits the middle and rebounds back towards Neil for him to catch and do it again.

“Wow, this place hasn’t changed a bit,” Dan said, the awe in her voice translating what Neil felt in his chest. 

He blinked open his eyes to see Andrew staring at him with an unimpressed look. Neil gazed back and said nothing. Andrew eventually looked away and shook his head with a muttered, _Junkie_.

Neil used every second he had to take in every inch of the Foxhole Court, knowing that it would probably be his last chance. He gazed up at the rows and rows of orange and white bleachers that used to seat thousands during game nights and memorized every streak and dent in the court and Plexiglas. 

When Andrew brushed past him to the locker room, Neil broke away and followed. The locker room was just as unchanged as the rest of the court was, but Neil still felt the need to drink in every detail like he was seeing it for the first time. 

Wymack had a key to all the lockers, but Neil was the only one that really needed anything from them. He twisted his combination and opened it with familiar ease. The only things in his locker were his running shoes, jersey, gear, and bandana. At the bottom was a couple crumbled pieces of paper that were part of his math homework that Neil would never have to finish.

Neil grabbed all of it except for his math homework and tried to stuff it in his duffel bag. The gear wouldn’t fit with all his other clothes, but Neil was able to cram in his jersey and bandana. The shoes he was wearing were in better condition than the ones from his locker, and he didn’t need two pairs of running shoes, so Neil jammed them back in his locker with the rest of his gear and closed it. 

Andrew absentmindedly went through the other lockers after picking them, but there was nothing of use to find so he left them alone and followed Neil out. Matt held up an Exy helmet triumphantly that Neil presumed was his old one with a reminiscent look on his face. Dan loaded up a couple Exy rackets into the stick rack and pushed them to the bus. 

Kevin scowled and demanded, “What are you doing with those?” 

“We can use them to defend ourselves. Unlike some people –” Dan glanced at Andrew “– not all of us have weapons.”

Kevin sputtered. “You can’t just _use_ an _Exy racket_ –”

“’Course you can. A racket can do a lot of damage, or so I’ve heard.” Andrew said nonchalantly. 

Kevin looked like he was about to lose his head and yell, but Andrew had already turned away. He looked at Neil like he would agree, but Neil just shrugged at him. Andrew had a point, Neil thought as he remembered cracking bones and split-second saves. Kevin made an undignified noise and spun around and stomped back inside. 

Andrew looked to Neil, then at where Kevin had disappeared in an obvious order. _You handle this._ Neil didn’t really feel like dealing with Kevin’s temper tantrum, but Kevin had been more and more on edge for days now, so it was a long time coming. 

When he stepped onto the court, Neil could hear the loud thump of an Exy ball hitting Plexiglas. He pushed open the heavy door and found Kevin standing in the middle of the court over the fox paw, throwing a ball and catching it on the rebound and then throwing it again. 

Kevin didn’t acknowledge Neil at all, so Neil let him blow off some steam for a couple more minutes. It reminded Neil of their late-night practices, with him and Kevin against Andrew in the goal. The memory filled Neil with the same longing he felt when he first saw the Foxhole Court. 

Eventually, Kevin caught the ball and squeezed it instead of throwing it again. He breathed heavily through clenched teeth, and for a second Neil thought he would break the ball in half with how hard he gripped it. He finally met Neil’s eyes and let out a slow breath of air that seemed to deflate him from the inside. Neil decided to wait him out. 

He didn’t have to wait for very long. Kevin sank to the floor and sat crossed-legged and waited for Neil to do the same before he spoke. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this.”

Kevin whispered it, but it seemed to echo around the court and rebound off the walls like the Exy ball. To most, it would have sounded whiny, but Neil understood what Kevin meant. 

_It wasn’t supposed to be like this._

_You should be court._

Supposed to be, should have been. They were different words with the same meaning.

Kevin spent his entire life to make it where he was, only to have it ripped from underneath him a second time. Except this time there was no coming back from it. Neil felt a pang in his chest when he realized what that meant. His Exy season had ended early when the rest of his teammates left, but it hadn’t truly dawned on him that he would never play Exy again. It was a hollowing thought.

They sat there for a couple more minutes without saying anything else until Andrew came and collected them. “Abby made sandwiches,” he said and left again, not waiting to see if Neil and Kevin followed.

The Foxes scattered around the foyer and rearranged furniture so there was more room to sit. Neil was finishing his sandwich when the lights flickered and went out, plunging the room in darkness. Wymack flicked the light switch on and off to no avail. He shrugged, it’s not like it mattered, they were just about to leave anyway. 

They ate the rest of their lunch in the dark before going outside to the bus and Matt’s truck. The former Upperclassmen all climbed into Matt’s truck with their bags, and the rest loaded up into the bus.

Andrew immediately went to the back of the bus and took his usual seat in the last row. Abby and Betsy took the first two, and Aaron and Katelyn settled in a few seats behind them. Nicky eyed the three rows between Aaron and Andrew before deciding on the seat behind Aaron’s and pulled Erik after him. Without hesitating, Kevin plopped down into the seat behind theirs, stuffing the Exy ball into the pocket of his hoodie. 

Neil was about to take the one in front of Andrew but Andrew grabbed the sleeve of his shirt and tugged. Neil interpreted the offer for what it was and gladly slid into the seat next to him.

Wymack started the bus and pulled out of the parking lot and Neil wished the Foxhole Court goodbye. 

They stopped at Wymack’s apartment and Abby’s house to grab anything else they needed. He had an old set of camping supplies and tents that hadn’t been used for years but would could come in handy later. About twenty minutes after they left Palmetto, Matt pulled into an abandoned gas station. Wymack followed and parked the bus, taking two parking spots. 

Andrew didn’t bother getting up with the rest of the crew, and Neil didn’t need anything from the gas station so they stayed put. When the others came back, Renee waved a couple maps she found in the air and behind her, Nicky and Matt passed out snacks that they’d scored. 

After that, the bus was unusually quiet. Nicky and Erik whispered to each other quietly while Abby and Betsy chatted upfront, occasionally calling up to Wymack about something. Sometimes Katelyn would chime in, but it wasn’t like bus rides with the Foxes used to be. Even when everyone had graduated and Neil was alone, the Underclassman were loud. Neil assumed it was because they were under different circumstances. 

Andrew stared out the window at the darkening sky and sometimes pointed out something he saw outside, even though there really wasn’t a lot to look at besides occasional trees and road signs. 

According to Wymack, they would be at the haven in about four hours if they didn’t make any more stops. Neil could feel the sun shining on the side of his face as it set, making him feel warm and comfortable despite the cramped room on the seat. Andrew tangled their fingers together and Neil felt his eyes close as he drifted off to sleep.

~ ~ ~

Neil woke to a loud _pop_ and was nearly jolted out of his seat when the bus bounced over something. The sky outside was black so Neil couldn’t see anything when he squinted into the darkness. Someone cursed.

Andrew was awake beside him, his hair sticking up on one side as if he had fallen asleep against the window. Now his eyes were wide and alert as he exchanged a look with Neil before shuffling closer to the window and nearly pressing his entire face against the glass to peer outside. “I see someone –”

The sound of the bus opening as Wymack got out cut Andrew off. Neil craned his neck forward to try and see what was happening, but the lights on in the bus prevented him from making out the darkened shapes outside. A few minutes later an unnerved-looking Wymack climbed the steps back onto the bus and turned off the engine. 

“What’s happening –” Nicky started, but Wymack shushed him and locked the doors. 

“Someone spiked the road, the tires blew out,” he said. Wymack’s phone lit up, presumably Matt asking why they stopped. Before he could answer it, the doors burst open again in a spray of shattered glass as several people forced their way up the steps. 

“Nobody move!” 

Katelyn screamed and the bus filled with noise as people shouted over one another and scrambled around the seats. Neil cursed when he saw that even though they outnumbered them, the intruders had more weapons. He sunk to the floor of the bus between the seats and reached for the crowbar he had stuck down there, thankful that he thought ahead and didn’t put it under the bus with his duffel. 

When he poked his head back over the seat, Wymack had his hands raised with a shotgun trained on his chest. The man wielding it was shorter than Wymack with long greasy hair and a crooked nose that must have been broken at some point in his life. Neil wanted to break it again. 

“El, get ‘em off the bus,” the man with the shotgun said. A tall woman nodded brusquely and motioned for Betsy to get up. 

The man with the shotgun forced Wymack off of the bus and two more people shoved Abby and Betsy after him. Kevin had fallen asleep and was rudely awakened when someone grabbed him by the throat and dragged him off the bus despite his disoriented thrashing. The tall woman – El – grabbed Katelyn by the arm and yanked her into the aisle. Aaron snarled something through clenched teeth and pulled back a fist to slam into the woman’s teeth. 

A silver pistol materialized in the woman’s hands as she put it to Aaron’s forehead. Neil shivered as her mouth curved into a cruel smile that reminded him of Lola. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” she said in a dangerously low voice.

Andrew tensed next to Neil, but there wasn’t anything he could do on a crowded bus against seven people with weapons, with or without knives. Neil didn’t think he could start swinging the crowbar without getting himself or any of the others shot, so thinking quickly, he slid the crowbar into his pants and was quietly thankful he wasn’t wearing the tight skinny jeans Nicky had bought him. 

 

Another man holding a wooden bat with nails sticking out of it waggled the bat at Neil in a demand to get up. The nails were red with rust or blood. He tried to go around the man while leaving as much space between them as possible, but there wasn’t a lot of room to get by. Andrew’s movements were choppy and violent as he followed Neil into the aisle. 

A woman with short cropped hair grabbed Neil’s hair and yanked his head back as he went by, sending a hot dart of pain down his neck all the way to the bottom of his spine. “You best behave or I’ll have fun slitting your throat,” she said, her voice low and guttural.

Neil saw Andrew shift his weight to intervene, but Neil gave a miniscule shake of his head, not daring to move more than that. “Maybe if you left us the fuck alone you wouldn’t have to worry about me causing trouble,” he said.

The woman threw back her head and laughed, it sounded like she had gravel in her throat. “This one’s got a mouth on him,” she called up, and another woman spat at Neil’s feet. She jabbed a twisted iron rod at him in a threat, pushing it into his chest hard enough for Neil to feel it. Neil raised an unimpressed eyebrow which she met with a sneer. The woman with cropped hair forced Neil’s head down and pushed him between the shoulders to the front of the bus. 

A shove sent Neil sprawling out of the bus and onto the side of the road. A jolt of pain shot up his leg and he could feel blood spurting from where he landed on the crowbar. Neil grit his teeth to keep from giving anything away and tried to stand up. Before he could make a move, someone grabbed Neil by the neck and dragged him away from the bus. He kept his foot crooked to prevent the crowbar from falling out of his pant leg and hoped no one would pat him down. 

Andrew got off the bus next, his fiery eyes snapping to Neil. His mouth was twisted into an angry grimace when someone grabbed his wrists and clamped them together behind his back. He didn’t try to break free other than a violent jerk of his shoulders but the woman holding him growled something and slammed Andrew’s face into the door of the bus. 

Neil bolted forward, ready to cut her, but someone wrapped their arms around him and forced him back. “Get the fuck off of him,” Neil bit out, imagining taking her apart piece by piece. Someone barked out a rough laugh and the woman’s lips curled into a taunting smirk, but no one responded. 

“Check under the bus for anything useful,” The man with a shotgun ordered. He pushed his grimy hair out of his eyes and raked a glare across the Foxes. Wymack had his hands tied, as did Aaron, Nicky, and Erik. Someone had a knife pressed against Kevin’s throat and Katelyn had her arm twisted behind her back by the man holding her. Neil seethed; even with his crowbar he felt useless. 

El came out of the bus with Wymack’s keys. She twirled them around her finger in cocky glee and opened the space where everyone put their bags. Neil was closest, but he couldn’t move with the man’s arms around him. Kevin shouted something, but one of the men cuffed him on the back of his head to make him shut up. 

“Ah, look it. Now what treasures will we find under here, I wonder,” El taunted, opening the door to the bottom compartment. She jeered and the rest of the bandits cackled like hyenas. 

El snatched Andrew’s duffel first and threw it over her shoulder carelessly. “Sheryl,” she called, and the woman with cropped hair grabbed it and upended it onto the ground. The only things in there were clothes and some food, so she left it in the dust and grabbed another bag instead. 

Headlights cut on, making the bandits stop. The door to the truck opened and Neil felt himself stop breathing. _No, go back. Stay in the truck. No –_

Neil turned his head in time to see Matt running out with his Exy helmet on, his body angled like he intended to use it as a battering ram. He collided with the man with the bat full of nails and pulled a backliner move that was definitely illegal which ended with them both on the ground in a pile of flailing limbs and fists. El raised her gun and without thinking Neil twisted away from the man holding him and punched him in the throat. Pain jolted up his arm when his wrist slammed back, but Neil ignored it and jumped El before she could pull the trigger. El gasped out a shocked curse, and chaos erupted around them. 

Neil shimmied the crowbar out of his pants and swung at El. She darted away and the crowbar glanced off of the bus in a rain of sparks and metal. The blow sent vibrations up his arms, nearly jarring the crowbar from his hands, but Neil held on and swung again where it met El’s leg with a sick crunch. She hit the ground with a scream of curses and Neil aimed his next blow at the arm holding the gun, but she already had it raised to Neil’s chest.

Andrew launched himself at El and Neil used the distraction to wrestle the gun out of her hand. He pried her fingers off, narrowly avoiding her clawing at his face, and rolled away with his prize. Neil was about to jump back into the fight but Andrew glared at him and said through grit teeth, “Go help the others.”

“Manny!” El screamed, but Andrew punched her in the face, muffling her words with his fist. Neil saw the man with the shotgun raise his head from where he was struggling with Wymack, but he didn’t come to aide his partner.

Neil paused, but broke away and ran to the others when Andrew slammed El into the ground again. Katelyn wriggled ferociously in the grip of the man holding her but before Neil could jump him, Katelyn sunk her teeth in the man’s arm and kneed him in the groin hard enough to crumple him to the ground. Erik barreled past them. He had somehow freed his hands and ran to the bus to dig out an Exy stick which he threw to Aaron before grabbing another for himself. 

Neil skid to a halt to prevent running into Nicky and Kevin who were scrabbling on the ground for something in the dark and glanced up to see Wymack fighting with Manny, who still had the shotgun gripped in his hand. Manny had the upper hand as he pinned Wymack to the ground with the barrel of the shotgun digging into his throat. 

Neil didn’t hesitate before he lunged over a man curled up on the ground and ran faster than he ever had on the court. His crowbar got lost in the fight with El, but Neil still had the pistol clutched in a white-knuckled grip and he didn’t waste a second to think as he pressed the gun to Manny’s head and pulled the trigger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have some songs for a couple of the chapters, and the songs for this chapter are [shoot to kill by tommee profitt](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HqGybo3Is6Y) and [kill our way to heaven by michl](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAPhp9LYq44). I'll have a spotify playlist linked at the very end with all the songs and couple more added :-)


	6. Chapter 6

Blood and brains spattered across the side of the bus; the orange and white clashed horribly with the red. Gasping for air, Wymack pushed the body off of him and it slipped to the ground with a dull, lifeless thud. Neil let the silver pistol fall from his nerveless fingers. 

Neil wasn’t a lot of help untying Wymack’s wrists, his hands were shaking from wired adrenaline and his fingers kept slipping over the knots. But Kevin shooed him back before cutting the bindings away and helped Wymack up. Neil made sure Wymack really was alright before he twisted back around into the thick of the fight. 

Renee was grappling with Sheryl, but Neil saw she didn’t need his help when she punched Sheryl in the nose and flipped her into the dirt with a hand clamped around her neck. Three of the bandits seemed to have disappeared back into the woods, leaving El, Sheryl, and the man Matt and Dan were fighting. Andrew had El pinned to the ground with his knees and a blade to her neck. Neil couldn’t see Andrew’s face, but blood leaked from the corner of El’s mouth where it was pulled back into a vicious snarl. She looked like a feral animal with wide eyes and gleaming teeth. 

Neil grinned in savage victory, but the smile fell off his face when Matt let out a sharp cry. 

He glimpsed Matt as he hit the ground hard, cutting off his yell when the air was knocked from his lungs. Neil couldn’t see what had happened, but Matt was writhing in the dirt as Dan fought the man with a ferocity Neil had never seen before. 

Allison helped Matt drag himself away from the fight and take off his helmet, but he wasn’t listening to anything she said to him. Neil slid over, skidding to his knees beside them. He couldn’t see much in the darkness, but Matt’s pant leg was ripped open and slick with blood. He pressed trembling flingers around the wound as he let out a scream of pain. 

“What happened?” Neil demanded. 

Allison’s face was pale behind a blossoming bruise on her cheek. “That bastard hit him in the leg with the bat,” she said through clenched teeth.

Abby moved Neil out of the way and prodded Matt’s hands away. Dan won the fight with a vicious punch to the man’s face that sent him sprawling into the trees with Sheryl following close behind. She was at Matt’s side in a second, grabbing his hand and smoothing back his hair. Dan was shaking, with barely restrained fury or fear, Neil couldn’t tell. 

“Everyone back up!” Abby shouted. “Give him some space!”

Neil scooted back into Nicky, who’s lip was cut and red with blood. He had a hand around Erik’s arm and looked at Neil like he was seeing right through him. Erik pulled him to the side and murmured something in his ear. 

Andrew reached Neil’s side and brushed his fingers along his arm as he stood next to him, making sure Neil was okay. Neil glanced back and took in all the damage done to Andrew’s face. He had a black eye, a bleeding split lip, and heavy red blotches which were already swelling into a purple on the left side of his face. While El’s body lay abandoned by the bus, Andrew hadn’t won the fight easily.

The holes in Matt’s leg were smeared with blood and dirt. He jerked away with a yelp as Abby began to clean away some of it but Abby prevented him from pulling away with gentle hands and murmured quiet words of comfort. She had her first aid kit open by her side that she rummaged through for what she was looking for. She pulled out a bottle of alcohol and twisted off the cap before pressing it into Matt’s hands. Neil was all too familiar with what was happening, but Matt held the bottle like he didn’t know what to do with it. “You’ll want to drink that,” he said. 

Matt glanced between Neil and the needle Abby began to thread before it finally clicked and began to down the bottle so fast Neil thought he would choke on it. 

Abby took it back from him before he could finish it and poured it onto the wound and cleaned away the rest of the mess with a washrag. Matt hissed and screwed his eyes shut around the tears that sprang up in the corners. Abby grimaced and briefly squeezed his arm before she cut the rest of Matt’s pant leg off and picked up the needle that she soaked in alcohol. 

“You’re gonna stitch him up here?” Nicky blurted out. 

“What the hell else is she supposed to do? We just got attacked by fucking psychos and the hospitals are overrun with monsters. It’s not like we have much of a choice!” Allison said. 

Neil agreed. They were in the middle of nowhere and it was dark. They could be attacked again if they stayed here any longer. But they couldn’t leave if Matt was still bleeding out.

Nicky closed his mouth and looked like he was about to puke. He turned away with his fingers pressed to his mouth when Abby shushed them and began to stitch Matt’s skin together. 

Neil tensed as the needle went through skin and was reminded of the phantom touch of a needle tip weaving through flesh when his mother stitched them back together after run-ins with his father’s men. Neil pulled himself from the memory of empty warehouses and motel bathrooms with the stench of fear clinging into the air before he spiraled.

Matt’s shirt was drenched in sweat, he looked like he was on the verge of passing out. His hand was white where he clutched Dan’s, but Dan held on just as tight. He gasped every time the needle poked through his skin and Dan pulled his head onto her lap and wiped away the beads of sweat from his forehead. Her face was pinched and worried, but there was a hard gleam in her eyes that looked like murder. 

Abby made quick work of the stitches. She snipped away the thread and tied it and motioned for Aaron. Aaron crouched next to Abby and handed over bandages and medical tape when she reached for them. Abby wrapped Matt’s leg in a thick layer without a word. 

“Be careful with his leg. If it gets infected, we might have to cut it off,” Aaron said. Matt made a choked sound and shook his head. 

Neil’s stomach squirmed at the thought of having to amputate his leg, and he repressed a flinch at the memories it dredged up, but he thought about the bloodied and rusted nails in the bat. If the wound got infected, they had no medical supplies or antibiotics that would help Matt fight it off. 

Abby paled. She worried her lip between her teeth before nodding reluctantly. “Keep it clean. We’ll change the bandages every day just to be sure.” 

“We should go before those assholes come back with friends,” Wymack said. His voice was raspy from the shotgun being pressed down on his windpipe, and he looked concerned, but he was otherwise unharmed. He slid a glance to Neil, but Neil avoided his eyes. He hadn’t directly been responsible for anyone’s death in years, and while he absolutely did not regret shooting Manny in the head – the bastard deserved it – he didn’t want the Foxes to see him in a different light because of it. 

When Wymack couldn’t catch Neil’s gaze, he and Kevin helped Dan lift Matt up. Kevin pulled one of Matt’s arms around his shoulders and Wymack grabbed the other. Dan walked in front of them and supported Matt’s injured leg. With seven legs and four heads, they looked like a monster obscured by the dark gloom, but with their help, Matt was able to ease into the back seat. Dan gently slid in after him and closed the door. 

“What about the bus?” Allison asked. The bus’s tires were completely deflated from the spikes, but not everyone could fit inside Matt’s truck. And there was no way Matt would be able to walk on his bad leg. 

Neil looked up and took in the Foxes’ sorry state. All of them were covered in bruises and cuts and none of them were left unharmed. Kevin had a deep gash right through the middle of his tattoo that was still dripping on his shirt, despite the shirt he held to it. Neil knew that it would definitely scar. 

Allison rubbed her wrist while she leaned heavily against Betsy and Renee, who had a bump on her forehead the size of a dime. Nicky was wiping away blood from Erik’s face from a bloody nose that hadn’t stopped bleeding yet with bruised and swollen fingers. Katelyn limped over to Aaron to check the ring of bruising he had around his neck and wrists. 

Moving hurt. Neil’s ribs felt bruised from where the man had squeezed him, and he scratched up his knees and hands pretty badly when he jumped El. Where the crowbar dug into Neil’s leg throbbed with every step he took, and Neil didn’t have to look to know it was beginning to bloom into a massive bruise. 

Despite their injuries, the Foxes had survived. A chill went through Neil when he thought about the journey ahead. He didn’t know how far the haven was, but the thought of losing any of the Foxes on the way made panic rise up in his chest, sharp and dangerous. He couldn’t stand losing any of them. 

Neil felt light fingers curl around the nape of his neck and tug. When Neil turned, Andrew’s expression was calm, but the bruised side of his face made it hard for him to make any expression at all. Neil felt a murderous trill down his body when he saw the damage, making him want to hunt down the rest of the bandits and put them in the ground himself. 

But right now, the Foxes needed to rest. Neil didn’t think they would be going very far tonight; no one had the energy to move so they would have to make camp here. Someone would have to be a lookout in case trouble comes back, but they didn’t have much of a choice. 

Andrew tugged him again and led Neil far away enough from the rest of the group where they could have some privacy but close enough that they were still touched by the light from the truck’s headlights. 

Neil snagged Andrew’s sleeve and held tight, never wanting to let go. Over and over, he saw the woman slamming Andrew’s face into the door like it was imprinted on the back of his eyelids. The image made him feel hot with rage again, but Andrew replaced the tension Neil had built up in his body with goosebumps when he trailed light fingers down to the small of his back. Neil looked into Andrew’s face, but he was already scanning Neil’s and cataloging the injuries. 

Andrew pressed careful fingers to Neil’s ribs, but when Neil’s breath caught as his bones gave a dull throb, his hands froze. “Are you okay?” Andrew said gruffly. 

Neil nodded. “I don’t think they’re broken, just bruised. The guy was holding me pretty tight.”

Violence flashed in Andrew’s eyes. His jaw clenched tight and his muscles bunched up like he was imagining punching the guy in the throat. Neil hovered a careful hand over Andrew’s shoulder and assured, “I’m fine.”

It was the wrong choice of words because Andrew pulled away and growled, “Don’t. Not with that fucking bullshit.”

“Really. Andrew, I’m okay,” Neil said. Andrew glared at him, but Neil was never really afraid of him and they both knew Andrew’s threats were empty a long time ago, so his withering stare had little effect on Neil. 

He wasn’t angry at Neil, which Neil understood. When he thought too much about the pain inflicted on Andrew, Neil wanted to rip apart limb for limb every person who had ever laid a hand on him. It was an unspoken understanding that they showed through a brush of shoulders and careful fingers on bruises. 

Footsteps alerted Neil to someone’s approach. His eyes snapped up to see Aaron silhouetted against the glaring light. In his hands were anti-bacterial wipes and bandages which he chucked at Neil’s chest. Neil caught the bandages but the wipes hit him in the face and bounced into the dirt. Neil scowled but Aaron shrugged before turning away without a word. 

“Wait –” Neil started. Aaron wasn’t within arm’s distance but Neil reached forward to try and stop him anyway. Aaron batted Neil’s hand away and glared at him. His glare was a lot more truthfully venomous than his brother’s, but he stopped. “How are the others?”

Aaron frowned and Neil’s stomach clenched as he waited for Aaron’s prognosis. “Everyone else mostly has bumps and bruises, but they’ll be okay. Matt’s leg is the worst, but it seemed to miss most of his major arteries and tendons. Abby thinks he’s going to be okay.”

Neil let out a relieved sigh. He didn’t realize how much anxiety was building up in his chest until that careful breath. Even though knowing the others were generally okay, Neil still worried. Matt’s leg could spell out trouble for them all, and they had a long way to go before they got to Karma. Still, Neil would sleep better tonight, if he slept at all. 

Wymack and Dan volunteered for the first watch. Dan perched on the roof of Matt’s truck with her legs dangling over the window while Wymack sat on the steps of the bus. They didn’t have a lot of weapons with them other than what the bandits had lost in the fight and what they found back at Palmetto. Dan refused the bat with nails, instead she gripped the iron rod in both of her hands and stared off into the distance. 

The rest of the Foxes began to set up camp. Some of them chose to sleep in the bus, but there wasn’t room for everyone so they had to set up tents as well. Wymack suggested that they don’t build a fire in case anyone else was nearby and spotted it. It’s not like they had anything to warm up anyway. 

Andrew claimed the nail bat and tried to clean some of the blood off the spikes. It was too dark to see if he really succeeded. 

Neil and Andrew stayed in the bus. Neil was used to having to sleep in the open in unsafe places if he needed to, but he had to admit it was easier sleeping inside. After tonight he would have to sleep in a tent anyway, as the bus wasn’t going anywhere anymore. 

Andrew watched him when Neil settled in the for the night. He had pulled one of his hoodies on for warmth and had the foresight to bring a blanket. Neil didn’t have one, so Andrew shoved it into his chest. “Go the fuck to sleep,” he said.

A small grin flickered across Neil’s face, but it was weak and sputtered out. Neil quickly changed out of his dirty clothes and got ready for bed. He wasn’t cold, so he used the blanket as a pillow. “Goodnight,” Neil mumbled into the blanket. 

He was nearly asleep before Andrew replied.


	7. Chapter 7

The sun beat down on them as they walked, burning skin and beading sweat on their faces. Neil had nearly forgotten the time, his watch stopped working a long time ago and there wasn’t much to remind him what month it was. It wasn’t April yet, but it was getting close. Neil could feel it in the heat. 

Surprisingly – or not – Neil hadn’t seen any cars beside abandoned ones on the side of the road or other people since they had been attacked by the bandits. The highway they followed hadn’t necessarily been unpopular before the apocalypse, so Neil wondered where everyone else was at. Neil thought there would be more people traveling to Karma.

They’d only been walking for a couple days. Matt’s truck had run out of gas the day before, forcing him to walk with the group. It was worrisome, but Matt took it like a champ and limped along with the rest of them. Neil looked around Kevin in front of him to see how Matt was faring where he was walking with Dan and Erik.

Matt hobbled along with a makeshift-crutch made out of an Exy racket and used Erik’s shoulder for support. Neil was scared that it would break and Matt would fall to the ground and hurt himself even more, but Dan had wrapped her arm around his waist to steady him. Matt’s face was pallid and streaked with dirt and sweat beaded on his brow where his face strained from effort and pain. Despite this, his leg was healing well and there was not yet any sign of infection. 

They only walked a couple of miles a day. It was impossible to go any faster when they had such a large group with everyone carrying something, especially with Matt’s injury.

“Alright, I think we should stop here for awhile and catch our breaths before we start moving again. I think the haven is only a day away.” Wymack said, turning around from where he was leading the group. 

Neil sighed a breath of relief. Blisters were starting to form on his feet, making every step he took more painful than the last. He dumped his duffel bag and a tent onto the ground and stretched his back until it gave a few satisfying pops. They had to carry everything since the truck and the bus were gone. Neil wanted to dump some of his things that he didn’t need, but there _wasn’t_ really anything he didn’t need. He already packed light compared to some of the other Foxes. 

The Foxes sat in a circle while Abby passed out lunch. They were running low on food already, all they had left was trail mix and jerky. They would have to find another gas station and hope it hadn’t been cleared out. Neil hoped there would be one after this long stretch of barren road. It was mostly quiet while they ate, everyone too tired or too hungry to care about conversation.

The chocolate chips had melted and made of a mess of Neil’s trail mix, but he didn’t really care. He was still hungry after he had finished it. Neil was careful to save some water in his water bottle for later as he took a swig, and even though it was tempting to pour some of it over his head to make the heat a bit more bearable, Neil didn’t want to waste the water. Beside him, Andrew picked at his granola bar. 

They were about to start walking again when Neil heard Nicky’s shout. He twisted around to see him hit someone with his Exy racket. But it wasn’t really a person, not anymore. 

The zombie collapsed to the ground in a heap of rotting flesh but Nicky still had to leap back when it swiped at his legs with an angry snarl. Although there was a dent in its chest from Nicky’s racket, it still shuffled across the ground toward them, using its arms to drag the rest of its body behind it. 

Nicky stumbled backward into Allison and tripped over someone’s backpack. Neil tensed. _Kill it, Nicky,_ he thought desperately. 

He must have said it aloud because Nicky wailed, “I can’t! I can’t!”

Erik pulled Nicky away from the shambling corpse and Allison used a metal rod to brain the zombie to the ground. It twitched for a second, its mouth opening and closing as a horrible sound escaped from it. Allison wrenched the metal rod away and wiped it on a nearby shrub, her face twisted in disgust. Nicky looked like he was about to be sick. 

They hadn’t seen many zombies since the one at Palmetto, and the ones that they had seen were farther away than the Foxes so it was easy to avoid them. Neil was unsettled that no one had noticed this one until it got close enough to bite. Neither Nicky or Allison were hurt however, so Neil counted that as lucky. They would have to be more careful, someone should have noticed the zombie sooner. 

The Foxes were shaken after that, even Andrew seemed more alert. The zombie had shown them all how easy it was to get hurt when they weren’t paying attention. None of them wanted to stick around, so they continued walking down the side of the road, leaving the body to decay under the unforgiving sun. 

It wasn’t long before an argument broke out. Kevin ran out of water and asked Aaron for some, but Aaron refused and said it was Kevin’s own fault for drinking all of his before they could get more. Kevin irritably pointed out that Aaron had given Katelyn water earlier, and Aaron shot back that he actually _liked_ Katelyn and that she was pregnant and needed more than all of them. The hot temperatures and constant walking made everyone’s tempers short; Neil had to drown out their constant bickering. 

Kevin sulked for a minute before someone else started a different argument. 

The sun started to set, and with it came the cooler air. Neil still swatted at gnats and mosquitos, but at least they weren’t sticking to the sweat on his skin. 

Matt slumped to the ground and used some water to mop at the mess of dirt and sweat on his face while the rest of the Foxes began to set up the tents. 

They didn’t have very many tents, only three that could house two or three people if they squeezed. Matt and Dan took one tent and Aaron, Katelyn, and Abby took another. Andrew and Neil slept in sleeping bags outside the past two nights, so Andrew claimed the smallest tent a little farther away from everyone else for himself. Neil would join him to sleep, but for now it was his turn to watch everyone else’s backs with Renee. 

Despite his previous exhaustion, Neil felt wired and wide-awake as his eyes swept across tents, discarded backpacks, and Exy sticks. He twisted his fingers around the crowbar anxiously as he strained his wars for any noises other than quiet snores and Renee’s quieter footsteps. He was still thinking about the zombie – he should have heard it coming, or at least seen it. All Neil could hear were insects and the rustling of the short trees around them. 

Renee was on the other side of the tents, so Neil didn’t talk to her except the few words they exchanged when they passed each other during their rounds. Eventually, Allison switched spots with Neil and let him go to his tent. 

Andrew was still awake when Neil unzipped the tent. He didn’t say anything, but Neil could his eyes from where he was nestled between blankets. He opened up one end when Neil changed out for bed and Neil slipped in beside him. 

Exhaustion was once again urging Neil to sleep, but Andrew was still studying him and Neil didn’t want to sleep. “Yes or no?” Neil asked, reaching out his hand and hovering it beside Andrew’s head. 

Andrew nodded and watched as Neil slowly combed his fingers through his blonde hair. Their faces were only a couple inches apart so Andrew only had to scoot forward until their lips were lined up. He paused and waited for Neil’s answer, and when Neil gave his yes, Andrew slid his hand to the back of Neil’s neck and pressed their lips together. 

He probably meant it to be brief, but Neil opened his mouth on a sigh and Andrew pressed closer. Neil hummed with quiet approval as he let Andrew take him apart with his mouth. Andrew squeezed his hip in warning to be quiet. 

Neil broke away to catch his breath and trailed faint kisses across Andrew’s cheek and jaw until he made his way to his neck. Andrew tipped his head back for Neil and threaded his fingers through his hair. 

Neil kissed right below Andrew’s ear and cherished the way he could feel Andrew’s breath stutter in his chest from where they were pressed together. Neil liked that Andrew liked this; he could deny it all he wants but it was hard to believe him when he kissed Neil hungrily, like he starved without Neil’s touch. Neil was familiar with the feeling. 

One of Andrew’s hands ran through Neil’s hair while the other pushed his shirt up and traced scars. Neil dragged his teeth lightly across Andrew’s rapid pulse like a question and punctuated it with a soft bite at his collarbone, relishing in the way Andrew shuddered against him. 

Andrew’s fingers clenched convulsively in Neil’s hair as he ground out, “Yes or no, Neil?”

~ ~ ~

The next day heralded more heat and even more walking. They found a gas station like an oasis on the side of the road which looked suspiciously untouched. Wymack and Kevin went ahead to check it out while the others waited behind them.

Kevin slowly pushed the door open and peered inside. Wymack looked over his shoulder and raised Manny’s shotgun just in case. When they weren’t attacked by anything, Kevin propped the door open with a rock. 

The gas station wasn’t untouched. A lot of it’s shelves were already cleared out, but Neil found a stash of food hidden behind the cash register. Dan found an opened case of water bottles and passed them out to everyone. Neil accepted his gratefully, but he didn’t drink it yet. He still had a little bit in his other bottle. 

Andrew forced open the door to the backroom and a blast of cool air greeted them. The Foxes filed in and raided it for more supplies. Betsy discovered some energy drinks and Gatorade which Abby stuck into her bag. Nicky found some bottles of alcohol. Shrugging, he squirreled them away in his overflowing suitcase and zipped it up.

When the Foxes couldn’t carry anymore, they left the gas station and continued walking down the road. They felt buoyed by their find, and light conversation rippled through the group. 

At some point Andrew tapped Neil’s wrist to get his attention. When he turned, Neil noticed he had one of his knives out of its sheath. Neil tilted his head in a silent question and Andrew pressed the knife in Neil’s hands.

Neil froze and tried to give it back, but Andrew wouldn’t let him. “Take it, I don’t want it. I already gave half of them back to Renee for her to use. I still have two more.”

Neil wasn’t worried that he was taking Andrew’s protection. What he couldn’t get out of his head was the cool feel of the metal against his palm. It brought back memories of blood and fear and cruel smiles that were almost sharper than the blades against his skin. He shook his head, but Andrew didn’t budge. 

“I have the crowbar,” Neil said. 

“Take this anyway. Just in case.”

All Neil could do was stare while Andrew stared back. He found safety in his gaze and slowly closed his hand around the hilt of the knife. Neil pursed his lips and nodded tersely. Andrew’s hand slipped from his as he turned away. 

Neil looked down at the blade in his hands. It was significantly smaller than the knives his father preferred so that Andrew could keep it in his armbands without it being noticeable. When Neil looked at it, it did remind him of Andrew more than the Butcher, which is the only reason why he decided to keep it instead of giving it back. Neil slipped it into his pocket where it clanked against his keys every time he took another step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song for this chapter is [radioactive by imagine dragons](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ktvTqknDobU)


	8. Chapter 8

The rest of the day passed uneventfully. They stopped to eat lunch and rest their aching feet, but Renee wanted to get to Karma before the rapidly setting sun dipped below the horizon, so they didn’t linger. 

Neil thought of the haven and hoped it would keep them safe. He wanted to get out of the sun and be able to settle down somewhere where he didn’t have to be worried about being ambushed. Something curled in Neil’s chest that made him uneasy.

Soon enough, Neil spotted the outline of a small town against the horizon. It was hazy and insubstantial, but it was there. Katelyn saw it as well and pointed it out to the rest of the group. The Foxes picked up their pace after that, eager to get to the haven.

It was well after sunset when they reached Karma. What looked like a road sign was strung up over the barbed-wire fence. Someone painted _Karma_ with black paint in large, uneven letters. Underneath it said _safe haven_ , but someone used red spray paint to cover the “f” with another “v” so instead it said _sa **v** e haven_.

Parts of the fence had been trampled down, and the gate was open. The town was silent, and utterly empty. Small houses were cluttered together, but their windows were cracked and doors were left open to reveal empty interiors. A lonely church steeple pierced the sunset-sky like a pike. The acrid smell of smoke and gasoline stung Neil’s nose. Cold flooded his stomach. 

“Where is everyone?” Nicky asked. 

A scream sounded to their right, and then the sound of gunshots. Suddenly, an explosion of sound.

There were more screams, and then an explosion, and Neil realized the sound was coming from behind the row of houses to their right. He ignored the others’ shouts when he ran over to check it out. 

He found where all the people had gone.

Bodies milled around between the houses and the road, some alive and others less than alive. A woman screamed and swung a baseball bat toward one of the zombies, but another came up behind her and chomped down on her neck. Her scream cut off to a wet gurgle before a man came up behind the zombie and shot it. Both bodies crumbled to the ground and the man fell to his knees beside the woman. Other people screamed in terror around them.

“Neil!” someone called behind him. 

Neil stumbled backwards and hit the alley wall. Andrew appeared beside him and took in the scene. Another explosion sounded and fire erupted over one of the houses, swallowing it in flames in seconds. Heat burned at Neil’s face, forcing him back farther.

“The safe haven’s been overrun.” The words stung more than the smoke when Neil said them. He felt like he was going to choke on them. 

Andrew pulled him away from the fence, but someone was blocking the exit. Andrew raised his nail bat and put himself between Neil and the other person. It was too dark to see who it was, but it definitely wasn’t one of the Foxes. 

“Neil! Andrew!” 

Neil couldn’t tell where Nicky’s voice was coming from, there were too many screams and gunshots around them and it drowned out his voice. 

The zombie in the alley limped toward them with one leg dragging behind it. Neil clutched his crowbar and prepared for a fight, but Andrew snatched at the collar of his shirt and pulled Neil into one of the houses through the back door. 

They stumbled through the dark while they wondered through the maze of rooms and upturned furniture. Neil rammed his leg on the counter and grimaced in pain, stifling a curse. When he felt around and found the front door, he tugged Andrew through it, but none of the other Foxes were anywhere to be seen.

Panic surged through Neil as he frantically searched the street. The zombie had left the alley, and it wasn’t alone. Andrew swung his bat and caught a zombie in the face before he yanked the bat back and let the body crumble. Neil pressed his back against Andrew’s and aimed a blow at the zombie closest to him.

Kevin ran out of one of the houses and caught sight of Andrew and Neil. Relief flickered across his face and he made his way toward them, using his Exy racket to keep the zombies from getting too close. 

“Where are the others?” Neil shouted. 

“When you two ran Aaron and Nicky chased after you but everyone got split up when the horde came. I think Allison and Matt are hiding in that house over there.” Kevin pointed before bringing the head of his racket down hard and cracking a skull. 

The three forced themselves to the house Kevin indicated and practically fell through the door. Kevin forced his weight back against it, but arms forced their way through the broken windows despite the shards of glass cutting into skin. “Help me,” he growled with effort. 

Neil used his crowbar to bat away the arms so Kevin could shut the door and lock it. Andrew smacked away arms from the windows and Kevin and Neil pushed a couch against it. 

“Guys?” 

Neil turned at the sound of Nicky’s voice and saw him huddling under a table with Erik. A gasp of relief burst through Neil’s lips at the sight of them. Nicky scrambled out from the table and grabbed Neil’s arm with trembling arms. He looked close to tears. “Are any of you hurt?”

Neil shook his head. “Is anyone else in here?”

“Allison’s upstairs with Matt and Dan. I don’t know where everyone else went. Aaron –” Nicky cut himself off with a sob. 

“Nicky, what happened to Aaron?” Andrew asked. Neil could hear the touch of danger and urgency in his voice. 

Nicky shook his head. His entire body was shaking so Erik pulled him to his chest and said, “We lost him in the chaos. He went after Katelyn.”

Andrew hissed a breath through his teeth and peered out the window. All Neil could see was the silhouettes of bodies against red flames. 

Footsteps started downstairs and Allison poked her head out from the staircase. “Are you the only ones here?”

“Yeah,” Neil said. Matt and Dan appeared next to Allison and the three joined everyone else in the kitchen. 

“Shit,” Matt breathed, leaning most of his body weight against the island. “How are we going to –”

A loud _boom_ rocked the house and sent them sprawling to the ground before he could finish. Neil caught onto the kitchen counter before he could fall completely flat and pulled himself up. He could hear a roar coming from outside that drowned out the banging on the windows from the undead and felt the air being sucked from the room like a vacuum. The air around them shimmered with heat and smoke. With a start, Neil realized this house could be the next to explode. 

“We have to go, the fire’s coming our way!” Neil shouted over the _whoosh_ of air. The only way out was through the back door and the front door, but the first led to flames and the second led to zombies. Neil decided the front door was their best shot and pushed the couch out of the way. The door burst open and a horde of not quite-dead bodies shoved their way in, tumbling and trampling over each other. 

Andrew, Neil, and Kevin took up the front while they killed zombies left and right. Neil had to trust that the others fell in behind them and were fighting back. There weren’t as many zombies as Neil had thought, he was grateful they didn’t get surrounded. 

The house next to them was in flames, and the others were catching fast. They had to get out of the town before the entire haven blew its top. 

The door to the flaming house flew open and Betsy climbed out with Aaron’s arm pulled over her shoulders, an arm around his waist supported Aaron’s limp body. Andrew ran over and took Aaron from Betsy and lowered him to the ground. His head was dark red with blood and his face was covered in soot. Betsy collapsed when she was far away enough from the house and coughed up smoke. “Katelyn’s still in there. I tried to get her too, but there was too much fire.”

Andrew stayed crouched by his unconscious brother while the Foxes made a circle around them. Neil scanned the burning house for only a second before dropping his bags and jumping through the door. Allison was right behind him but he quickly lost her in the flames. 

Immediately, a wall of flames met them as heat attacked his face and smoke burned his eyes and nose and throat. Neil coughed and tried to breathe into his shirt as he battled his way upstairs. He waved away the smoke and tried to squint through the heat for any figures in the house. Finally, he found Katelyn curled up on the ground, he almost missed her through the hazy heat. Neil dropped down beside her. “Katelyn?” he asked, but his voice was lost to the roaring fire around him. 

Katelyn’s eyes fluttered weakly when Neil helped her up, a cough racking her entire body. They were taking too long and Neil felt his head going fuzzy, so he hoisted Katelyn’s arm over his shoulder and pulled her through the flames and wreckage. 

Although the house wasn’t huge, it was easy to get turned around in the fire. Neil tried to go through what he thought was the kitchen, but it was too hot and he could only manage a few steps before he had to fall back. Neil struggled to get a better grip on Katelyn’s arm, but his hands were sweaty and her weight was starting to drag him down as his legs wavered underneath him. His lungs screamed and he stumbled over a fallen chair. Smoke and the stench of burnt flesh filled his mouth, making it impossible for his desperate lungs to draw air. He remembered gasoline and a burnt-up car with a burnt up body inside. He was going to die. He was going to burn in the fire that took his mom.

 _“Neil!”_

Allison’s voice cut through Neil’s burning thoughts. He tried to find the source of her voice and frantically searched for something other than sparks flying toward him. Neil put one foot forward and the board he stepped on splintered underneath his step, but Allison was already running over to them. Allison grabbed Katelyn’s other arm and together they pulled her from the house. Just as soon as they stepped out, the second floor gave way and collapsed. If they had been seconds longer, all three of them would be dead.

Neil gasped and sucked in deep breaths of air. Every breath stinging his throat and lungs, making him cough and sputter. 

Aaron had come to by the time they were out, but he was disoriented. Betsy told them that the house exploded and he was hit with a piece of rubble. Katelyn saw Aaron and dropped by him. Her face was streaked with ash and tears as they clutched each other fiercely. 

Andrew curled a fist in the back of Neil’s t-shirt and gave a weak tug. His expression strained as he was breathed heavily through clenched teeth. Neil swallowed and leaned into his touch. He was shaking, but it definitely wasn’t because of the cool touch of night air on his skin. 

They weren’t safe yet, though. They needed to get out of Karma. Down the street, Neil could see another horde that was getting far too close for comfort. Aaron stumbled when he tried to walk, so Katelyn and Andrew helped him when they made their way out of the town. They didn’t see Renee, Wymack, or Abby, so Neil had to hope that they had already made it out. 

They left the destruction behind them, and that’s where they found the missing people in their group. Renee and Wymack were standing guard while Abby crouched beside two more survivors. Neil tensed but they didn’t seem to be dangerous. 

One of the survivors had her head in her hands, but the other was talking to Abby. He looked alarmed when he saw the rest of the Foxes, but be he settled down when Abby told him they were with them. 

The man nodded and continued talking. “It was safe for three months or so, but then they got in through a gap in the fence. I think someone may have snuck in when we turned them away because they had a bite. There were too many of them, and we couldn’t do anything. Someone shot at a gasoline tank and the next thing I know, the place is covered in flames. I lost my daughter.” 

Abby made a noise of sympathy when the man began to cry. He wiped his face and said, “We were just about to go up North. There’s supposed to be another refuge in New York. It’s just a rumor, but I heard they’re working on a cure for the Fever. It’s supposed to be in some medical camp.”

“A refuge in New York?” Neil asked. _A cure._ He didn’t know if this one would lead to another dead end, but they didn’t have much more of a choice. 

The man nodded. “We were going that way, but we’re heading out West now. She has family there,” the man said, gesturing to the woman. The woman sniffled but didn’t look up.

After a few more minutes, the two got up and began to leave. Abby tried to ask them to stay or at least to get medical assistance or food, but they assured her neither of them were really hurt, they just wanted to get moving as soon as possible. They wished the Foxes good luck and left.

Neil turned to see Renee’s face buried in Allison’s neck as she cried. Neil had never seen Renee so upset before. Her shoulders shook with silent sobs that refused to relent.

“She was supposed to be here. The note said she would be here,” Renee said quietly, her words muffled. Allison frowned and ran her fingers through Renee’s hair. Renee’s chance of seeing her mother again had burned away in the flames. 

Everyone was too exhausted to move much farther for the night, but they made it to a safe distance from the wrecked haven before any of them collapsed from exhaustion. No one bothered setting up tents, so they all slept outside in sleeping bags and blankets. Andrew, Nicky, and Abby stayed up for watch that night. 

Even though they were far away enough that Karma was only a small orange flare in the night, Neil could still smell smoke and fire. Screams filled his ears that night, making it impossible to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the songs for this chapter is [up in flames by ruelle](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LX5i_lrHvkA) and [ walk through the fire (feat. ruelle) by zayde wolf](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ihul_7ZT6k)


	9. Chapter 9

It was too early in the morning to be awake. The sun hadn’t even risen yet, the sky still a deep indigo with gray hints of dawn peaking over the horizon. Neil didn’t know why he was awake until Dan poked her head into his tent and reminded him it was his turn to keep watch. 

Neil rubbed at his eyes and sat up. Kevin was still asleep, but Andrew had woken up when Neil did. Andrew’s eyes fluttered open and focused blearily on Neil, but he just shifted his position and went back to sleep when Neil said nothing. 

It was still cool out, a week before a cold front had swept through and brought rain and cold air. The first day of rain was welcomed, the Foxes gratefully scrubbed the dirt and sweat off of them and their clothes while refilling their water bottles. When the rain still hadn’t stopped by the second day, Neil began to feel water-logged. They had to stop more than usual when Betsy had come down with a cold and then passed it on to both Nicky and Wymack.

It rained for three days before the sun cleared away the rest of the storm clouds. Luckily, it stayed cool after that. 

The fire built in the middle of the clearing was just barely-glowing embers now, so Neil threw more wood on and bent to poke at it with a stick he found until it flickered back to life. 

At first, Neil had been wary to build a fire lest it attracted unwanted attention, but the road was still fairly empty except for abandoned cars and, aside from the occasional zombie, the Foxes met no one. The fire was needed to keep warm through the night and heat some of the food that they found earlier. 

It’d been weeks since they escaped Karma with their lives. Neil didn’t know how much longer it would take to reach the new refuge, or even if they could. The two survivors from Karma had told Wymack that the refuge was supposed to be north of New York City near Syracuse, but that’s all they really knew. Neil wasn’t even sure if this refuge was real, or if they could even trust anyone there at all. 

A crack startled Neil, making him jump. He glanced up from the fire pit to see Nicky with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. Neil frowned, he was the only one on watch tonight so Nicky should be sleeping. Nicky grimaced at him in apology and sat down across from Neil on the other side of the fire. 

“Can’t sleep,” Nicky said as he warmed his hands over the flames. He withdrew and pulled the blanket tighter around himself. It was awhile before he spoke again. “I keep having nightmares about Karma.”

Nicky stared into the fire but it was clear he wasn’t really seeing it. He seemed a hundred miles away. The flames from the fire pit danced in his dark eyes and then flickered away.

“You and Andrew ran off and everything went to shit so quickly. I lost Aaron and I thought – I thought he was dead when Betsy pulled him out of that house. I keep seeing it. And the screams. Shit.” Nicky broke off his stream of words and pressed the heals of his hands to his eyes like he was trying to rub the images away. 

“I know that they’re already dead and if we don’t protect ourselves then we could get bitten too. I _know_ that, but I can’t, Neil. They were people and they had lives and people who loved them.” Nicky finally looked up. Devastation was written clearly across his face, accentuated by darks circles under his eyes. Nicky’s breathing stuttered and Neil thought he was going to cry but he just breathed in deeply and swallowed. “That could be any of us. That could have been Erik.”

Neil had to strain to hear the last part since Nicky’s voice had dipped so low he almost lost it in the crackling flames of the fire. Neil thought about the zombie that had snuck up on them that one day, and Nicky’s desperation to get away from it, despite having a weapon in his hands. His mind drifted to Erik when they had first arrived at Palmetto; the bloody scabs on his arms and his pale face. 

“Do you?” Nicky asked. Neil blinked, he’d missed what Nicky said. 

“What?”

“Do you love him? Andrew,” Nicky pressed, clearing his throat. 

A jolt of surprise went through Neil. He didn’t know how the conversation had changed so quickly, or what made Nicky think of his and Andrew’s relationship. Neil looked up, but Nicky wasn’t smirking or even smiling. His eyes were wide and imploring. 

When Neil didn’t answer, Nicky flicked a spark off his sweater and looked back at the fire. He twisted his wedding ring around his finger. 

“When Erik got sick in Germany, I was terrified. I was more scared then I had ever been in my entire life. Erik had already lost his parents and I –” Nicky breathed in sharply, like he had a pain in his side “– I was going to lose him. I prayed every day, asking God to save Erik. If nothing else, just for him to get better. I even begged God to take me instead if that’s what needed to happen. I prayed and prayed and prayed, and God must have heard me because Erik got better. 

“I’m so thankful Erik’s okay,” Nicky said, staring at the band on his finger before he carefully clasped his hands. “I’m thankful to God for taking care of our family. But I’m also scared it’ll happen again and my prayers won’t be enough this time.” 

Neil had never understood religion or believed in a God. He didn’t get how someone could put their life in the hands of something they couldn’t see. It was something that always baffled him about Nicky and Renee. “How can you still believe in God when so much bad has happened?” Neil asked. 

Nicky smiled sadly, a thin curl of his lips that could’ve been mistaken for a grimace. “It’s all the hope I have left. When things get hard, I know my faith will always be there. I have to believe there’s someone looking out for us or else I’ve already lost.”

Neil tugged at a stray thread on the sleeve of his shirt. A hopeless Nicky seemed impossible, laughable, almost. Even when things were terrible Nicky was always there to make things seem less bleak. Nicky was the most hopeful out of all of them. 

“You see?” Nicky began, making Neil look up. “I know I love Erik and I know I love God. It’s okay for me to love them and I know that they love me back. Sometimes it’s the only thing that keeps me moving.”

Nicky only stayed for a couple more minutes before he dusted off his blanket and went back to his sleeping bag next to Erik’s. Neil sat by the fire alone with his thoughts until the sun had risen and the Foxes prepared to move forward again.

~ ~ ~

“There’s a small town up ahead. We might be able get some more supplies before we run too low on food again,” Matt said. 

His leg was almost completely healed now. The wounds had formed into vicious scars, but Matt didn’t seem to be bothered by them. He told Neil he was just glad that he still had a leg at all. Matt still walked with a heavy limp and he usually leaned on his Exy stick for support, but there was no longer the risk of infection. 

The Foxes passed several cities and towns, but they usually avoided the larger cities that were more likely to be overrun. Even from a distance, Neil could see the destruction of the large buildings. It took longer to leave the road and go around, but it was safer. The closer they were to the cities, the more zombies there were. 

“Some of us should stay here, though. If everyone goes, then it’ll be slower and we’ll be more likely to get caught somewhere dangerous,” Kevin said.

Wymack nodded. “Some of us will set up camp here and the rest will go into town. We should look for food, maybe more sleeping bags and clothes, and medical supplies. Try to find another map, too.”

The rest agreed and decided who would go and who would stay. Nicky, Katelyn, Abby, Betsy, Allison, Erik, and Neil were staying. Wymack, Andrew, Renee, Matt, Dan, Aaron, and Kevin were going. 

Abby originally wanted Matt to stay and help with camp. She was still worried about his leg, but Matt waved her off and said that he needed to be able to exercise it and staying at the camp wouldn’t help that. After a few minutes of bickering, Abby conceded and Neil stayed behind in Matt’s place.

It was late afternoon, so the Foxes got together and ate sandwiches and beef jerky before Wymack’s group set off.

Neil told Andrew to be careful, but Andrew had given him an unamused look until Neil hid his faint smile with a firm kiss on his forehead, slow enough that Andrew could have avoided it if he wanted to. Andrew scoffed and said, “You’re acting like we’ll be gone for days, it’s only going to be a couple hours.” But Andrew’s hand still lingered on the back of Neil’s neck.

There wasn’t a lot to do after they set up the tents, so Neil wandered around and kicked rocks out of the way. Nicky and Allison found some logs and had Erik and Neil help drag them around the rocks Betsy gathered and Katelyn arranged in a circle for the fire pit. They were too big to be used for firewood and no one had an axe to chop them with, so Nicky delegated them as chairs and plopped down on one. 

Afterwards, Neil kept an eye on the clouds while he gathered firewood. It hadn’t rained for several weeks and the heat was starting to get absolutely miserable. It had to be well into May by now, so it was only going to get hotter. Neil grit his teeth thinking about the next couple months ahead. If they didn’t find the refuge, the Foxes will need to find somewhere else to settle, they couldn’t keep walking around forever. If no one died from heatstroke the brutal winter would kill them, especially since they were in the northern stares now.

Neil brushed against a thorn bush and cursed when one of the thorns caught the sleeve of his jersey and ripped it. He felt along his skin, but the thorn had barely grazed it. His jersey got most of the damage, Neil would have to sew it when he got back to camp so it didn’t get worse. 

After a couple hours when the sky was painted with the brilliant oranges and pinks of sunset, Wymack’s group returned. None of them were hurt, albeit tired from the trip, and Matt reported that the town seemed completely deserted. They encountered two or three zombies, but other than that there was nothing. They looked through houses and the occasional convenience store, and while there wasn’t a lot to find, they still brought back almost more than they could carry. 

Abby and Wymack collected more firewood for the fire while Aaron, Dan, and Renee passed out food. Nicky cracked the first joke anyone had heard in a long time about being hunters and scavengers, like on animal planet. Aaron pointed out that none of them were really hunting, unless Nicky wanted to pick up a spear and go look for rabbits. Matt grinned and said Neil was much more likely to catch a rabbit than Nicky was, considering how fast he runs. Andrew said Neil _was_ the rabbit.

The corner of Neil’s lips quirked up in a private smile, meant only for Andrew. Andrew poked his cheek and said, “Don’t be an idiot.”

Neil huffed out a breath that could have been a laugh and said, “I didn’t even say anything.”

“You were thinking it.”

They had canned soup and beans for dinner. Neil wasn’t a huge fan of beans before, but when all he had eaten was meager cold meals for over two months, Neil thought that this might have been the best thing he’d ever tasted. After dinner, Matt put more wood on the fire and settled back down on his log between Dan and Abby.

“What if, after all of this, we all settle down and live normal lives again? How weird would that be? I feel like life is changed forever,” Nicky said with a small, wistful smile. He looked up from the fire when Erik put his arm around his waist and pulled him close. 

“That’s if we all survive this to begin with,” Aaron said wryly, quirking an eyebrow at his cousin. Katelyn lightly slapped his arm and Nicky threw a pebble in his direction.

“Don’t be such a Debby-downer.”

“Hey, I don’t know about you guys, but I wanna get drunk tonight,” Dan said, pulling out a bottle of whisky. Nicky whooped as she passed it around and Matt went to fetch the rest of the alcohol they scavenged. 

Neil took a sip of the whisky, but he didn’t drink any more than that. The burn as it went down reminded him of Andrew’s kisses which were more intoxicating than any alcohol could ever be. Renee and Katelyn didn’t drink at all, instead they took one of the sprites Wymack handed over and passed it between them. 

With the fire blazing and their stomachs full, the Foxes were in quite a jovial mood, all things considering. Matt and Nicky started cracking jokes, trying to one up the other with which joke was funnier. Dan and Allison judged while the rest watched with amusement. Occasionally, Kevin would throw a twig at either one of them if the joke was particularly bad.

At one point Andrew pulled out a bag of marshmallows from seemingly thin air and tore it open. Nicky laughed brightly and grabbed a handful before Andrew snatched it back. He ate a couple, but most of them ended up in the fire because he thought it was funny when they overheated and exploded. 

Matt’s cheeks were flushed as he tried to throw pieces of trail-mix up in the air and catch them in his mouth. Aaron had to stop him from falling into the fire a couple times so Wymack banned the game. Matt plopped back down in his spot next to Dan and sent an apologetic look to Wymack.

“We should tell ghost stories,” Allison suggested. “We already have the cliché fire and marshmallows in a creepy old forest.”

Nicky shuddered. “I think I’ve had enough horror stories the past couple days.”

“Don’t be lame.”

“Woah, okay. I am _not_ lame.” Nicky looked properly scandalized. He cleared his throat with a weak glare and started, “Once there was this witch, but not just any old witch. She was, like, seriously old…”

Neil smiled and watched as his family laughed and threw arms around shoulders. He looked at Andrew and Andrew looked back and tipped the whisky bottle to his lips and took a swig. The fire made the liquid in the bottle look bright and golden, matching Andrew’s eyes. Neil tried to not get distracted by Andrew’s throat bobbing up and down when he swallowed but he couldn’t seem to tear his gaze away. He grinned and slipped his hand into Andrew’s. 

Renee pointed out that Katelyn was practically glowing. Katelyn beamed and gently rubbed her hand over her swollen belly. Aaron wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on her shoulder. 

“How long do you think you have now?” Nicky asked. 

“Two months or so. It’s so close,” Katelyn sounded more pleased then she did worried. Fear couldn’t reach them here, not when they were surrounded by family and the warm glow of the fire. 

“I bet it’s gonna be a month and a half,” Nicky said, wiggling his eyebrows in challenge. “I was early and so were Andrew and Aaron. It runs in the family.”

“Ha! What are you betting again?” Allison snorted from beside Renee.

“My voracious good looks, of course,” Nicky said, winking. 

Allison booed and threw a piece of jerky at him. “I think Katelyn won’t be due for two more months. At least.” 

“Oh yeah? And what do _you_ bet?” Dan asked. 

Allison tapped a finger to her lips as she pretended to think. “The rest of the baby wipes I found.”

Nicky gasped as his jaw dropped into an _o_ -shape. “You had more _baby wipes_ and you didn’t _share?_ How dare you, Allison. I thought we were friends. Friends don’t let other friends sleep covered in dirt.”

“I don’t know where you got that notion, Hemmick.”

The rest of the Foxes placed their bets while Nicky and Allison bickered. When bets were settled, Betsy started talking about her family from before – before they got sick, before they got infected. Neil thought it would tear open still-healing wounds, but soon the rest of the Foxes started talking about life before. They shared somber stories and sincere pats on the back until the bottles of whiskey were gone.

None of them got very drunk. They couldn’t, not when they were in the open and vulnerable in a very dangerous world. Even though they felt safe and warm, it wasn’t a good idea to lose all control. 

But they could have this. They could laugh and drink and place bets, remember the people who didn’t make it and the people they were unsure had survived. Neil thought of Uncle Stuart and wondered if he was still alive. The thought brought him up short, he was never really close to Stuart and blood family never meant anything at all to Neil, but Stuart saved his life and executed Neil’s father. He didn’t know how to feel. 

It didn’t matter though, because Neil had the Foxes and they could talk about the future without having to be scared. Neil couldn’t remember the last time he had felt this happy and secure. He couldn’t remember when anyone had laughed this much, or at all. Nothing could stop them, they would make it. They would be safe.

When the fire began to die down, Matt and Dan wished the rest of the Foxes goodnight and disappeared into their tent, holding each other up and stumbling over sleeping bags and backpacks on the way. Nicky nearly tipped out of his seat on the log to call dibs on one of the tents and Erik had to catch him with a steady hand on his shoulder. Andrew and Neil were the last to get up aside from Wymack, Abby, and Betsy who stayed out longer than anyone. 

Warmth had begun to spread throughout Neil’s chest and he was only mildly surprised when it didn’t fade away the father he got from the fire. Andrew held his hand on the way to their sleeping bags, a quiet anchor that kept Neil grounded. They fell asleep facing each other, eyes sleepy and soft, Andrew’s hand tangled in Neil’s hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song is [conquer by rivvrs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xrujg3AGiY) (also..u guys..i love this song)


	10. Chapter 10

Neil let his duffle slide from his aching shoulder and into the dirt. He dropped the tent and his sleeping bag beside it, taking a second to stretch the soreness out of his arms and back and savoring the relief from the dropped weight. Beside him, Andrew and Dan did the same. 

Nicky groaned and collapsed on top of his rolled up sleeping bag. Erik slumped down beside him and rested his legs against Kevin’s, who was already passed out and not caring that he was laying in the dirt or that they still hadn’t set up camp yet. He watched the camp the night before while everyone else slept and wasn’t able to get more than a couple hours of sleep, it was a miracle he didn’t pass out while walking.

Dan dusted off her pants and studied all the Foxes with her hands on her hips. She pursed her lips for a moment before nodding to herself. “I think we should stay here for a couple days, at least. We haven’t been able to really rest for longer than a night, and it’s taken a toll on all of us.”

From behind Neil, someone groaned in agreement and Matt raised a thumb’s up. 

They’d been walking for nearly two days without long stops. Instead of resting for the entire night, they barely put down their stuff for a couple hours to snatch some sleep before they started off again. They were all eager to get to the refuge after so many weeks of walking. And when the group needed to stop more and more, especially with Katelyn or when Allison started vomiting on the side of the road when she ate something bad, it took longer than they thought it would. 

It had already been over a month since the Foxes all sat around the fire and drank and laughed together, but they didn’t seem to be any closer to the refuge. Neil began to doubt the thing existed at all. Matt suggested that if they couldn’t find the refuge, they find somewhere else and make do. Neil resigned himself to living in a tent and scavenging for food forever.

Aaron especially was on edge. Everyone wanted to get to the refuge, to safety and warmth, but Aaron seemed antsy and anxious more than anyone. Katelyn did her best to calm him, but it didn’t seem to do much good. 

Neil knew he was worried about Katelyn and the baby. He wanted to get to the refuge before she gave birth, where there would be doctors and medicine, or at least other people to help if things went wrong. 

But Neil knew that the Foxes couldn’t keep going like they had been, everyone was too exhausted to keep it up and it was only a matter of time before someone’s body completely gave out. They all needed a break for a couple days to recoup. 

“We should get started on pitching the tents. It’ll be no good to sit out in the sun all day,” Betsy said. 

“There should be a river nearby,” Matt said, dodging Dan and Abby who began pulling the tents out of the bags. He waved a map in the air but Neil couldn’t tell if it was because he was showing them or if he was just fanning the heat away. “We can wash up and cool down while we set up camp.”

Neil sighed in relief. He was running low on water again, and the hot afternoon sun – admittedly not as hot as it was in South Carolina – beating down on him made him tired and dizzy. His skin was sunburned despite the watery sun block he put on earlier, and he was pretty sure the blister on his heel had burst again. The thought of cool water to wash away dirt and splash on his overheated face was instantly satisfying.

Neil went to check out the river with Matt and Renee while the others got the camp ready. It wasn’t too hard to find; the map was pretty straightforward and it wasn’t far from the road. 

Neil heard the rushing water before he saw it. Matt brushed aside a bush and revealed it when they turned the corner. It wasn’t so much as a river as more of a stream. It was only about four feet across at the widest parts, and the narrowest Neil could step over. It only reached to the middle of Matt’s calves when he wadded to the middle, but the spray of water was able to reach Neil as it tumbled over rocks and split between logs and fallen tree branches.

Dropping down in the tall grass lining the brook and pulling off his shoes, Neil stuck his socks in his pockets so he could dip his feet in. The water was cool and soothing on the bottoms of his blistered heels. Neil wanted to jump in it, not even caring to get undressed. Instead, he splashed water on his face and used his shirt to clean off dirt and sweat. 

Beside Neil, Renee squatted down and filled up her water bottle. She’d been quiet lately, rarely saying more than a few words at a time. There were dark circles under her eyes and Neil had found her wandering around camp instead of sleeping on more than one occasion. 

Renee caught Neil staring and gave him a small smile. “I’m okay, Neil,” she promised quietly when Neil didn’t look away. 

“I’m sorry about your mom,” Neil said instead. 

Rather than answer, Renee tried to smile again but it flickered into a frown. She wrapped her arms around herself as if warding off a chill and watched the water stream around a small rock. She picked up a leaf and set it in the water, it was carried away like a boat until it got stuck on a tree branch. 

“For the first few months in Stephanie’s home, I didn’t like her very much. I wouldn’t talk to her and I barely left my room for dinner every night. Foster care hadn’t been very good to me in the past, and I had assumed this home would fall through too.” Renee set another leaf in the water. This one went farther before it capsized and sank. “But she was good. She was so good to me and she helped me, and my faith –”

Renee broke off. Neil saw her hands trembling before she curled them into fists. She reached up and clutched the little silver cross necklace she wore and took in several even breaths. 

“I think I already knew she was gone when I went to the house and found it empty. I think I was just too scared to truly realize it. I can’t believe she’s really gone.” A tear rolled down Renee’s cheek and she gently wiped it away with her shirt. Neil didn’t know if he should reach out and comfort her or not. 

Renee drew another shaky breath and gave a weak smile. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get all emotional on you. Thank you for listening to me, Neil.”

“It’s okay. You’re allowed to be sad, you lost someone important to you,” Neil said. He couldn’t meet Renee’s eyes and he didn’t know why.

Renee nodded before she turned back to the water and began to wash the dirt from her hands and face. Neil hadn’t noticed that Matt went still until he spoke again. “We’re going to make it to the refuge,” he said with certainty.

Back at camp, Dan and Aaron finished putting up the tents while Erik and Nicky tried to drag Kevin into one of them. 

“Get in the stupid tent, you _fucking_ –” When Nicky heaved as hard as he could, he lost his grip on Kevin’s arm and fell backwards “– heavy-ass sunburnt _giant_.” 

Neil shook out his wet hair, sending little droplets everywhere. Andrew glared up at him from where he was sitting in the shade of a tree. Neil shrugged unapologetically and sat down next to him. 

They still had a couple hours before the sun would set, so the Foxes made the most of it and took turns bathing and washing clothes in the river. Neil’s stomach growled, so he dug around in his bag for the can of soup he knew was stashed in there. He flicked out Andrew’s knife from his pocket and pried the lid open before sharing it with Andrew. 

The sun began to sink over the horizon and brought with it cooler air. Nicky cleared away an area in the grass so he and Aaron could get a fire started and woke up Kevin so he could join the rest of the Foxes around the fire. 

Kevin rubbed at his eyes. “I feel like I could sleep for another three days. God, I need a shower.”

“I was gonna say something, but I didn’t want to offend you or anything…” Matt teased. 

Kevin gave him a baleful look. His hair stuck up at odd angles, making him look like an unimpressed porcupine. 

Neil looked at Andrew, but Andrew was staring up past the trees and into the sky. Between tree branches Neil could see thousands of stars, for once not blocked by clouds and light pollution. He couldn’t remember the last time he had seen so many. Before he went to Palmetto, probably. 

Andrew inclined his head towards Neil in acknowledgement and continued to watch the stars.

~ ~ ~

The screams woke Neil up.

At first, he thought it was coming from his nightmare. But when he opened his eyes and saw the ceiling of the tent above him and the screaming hadn’t stopped, Neil knew it wasn’t a dream at all. He bolted upright and scrambled for his crowbar, nearly knocking into Andrew who was struggling to get the tent door open. Andrew viciously yanked the zipper down and it finally released and opened. 

Neil shuffled out of the tent after Andrew and squinted in the early gray light. Aaron shouted at Matt to fetch Abby from inside his tent. 

“What’s going on?” Neil asked Allison, who stared at Neil with wide eyes.

“Katelyn,” Allison said after a moment. “Her water broke.”

Neil’s stomach bottomed out. They didn’t have any medical supplies with them other than a few half-empty bottles of painkillers. Katelyn screamed again and dread filled Neil’s chest. 

Abby ran past Neil, hastily moving him out of her way so she could get to Aaron and Katelyn. She had her first-aid kit with her, but Neil didn’t know how much help it would be. He wondered if Abby even knew how to deliver a baby. But it wasn’t like they could take Katelyn to a hospital. 

Aaron poked his head out of the tent and caught sight of Andrew and Neil. He pointed at them, snapping Neil out of his thoughts. “Go get water, as much as you can carry.” 

Grateful for something to do, Neil raced back to his tent and fetched his bottle and anything else he could fill with water. He and Andrew made quick work of filling the bottles up and bringing them back to the camp. 

Aaron paced outside his tent, every few minutes he poking his head inside for an update. He looked stressed and panicked, his face pale as he chewed apprehensively on his lip. When he saw the water bottles, he grabbed them wordlessly and disappeared back inside the tent. 

The rest of the Foxes were keeping busy around the camp, doing anything they could to help or staying out of the way. Neil avoided collided into Nicky who kept running his fingers through his hair and yanking at it until Dan swatted his hands away.

With nothing else to do to distract him from his thoughts, Neil retreated back inside the tent and waited. Andrew didn’t join him, he stood guard outside Katelyn’s tent, a silent show of support for his panicking brother. 

Neil didn’t know what the exact date was, but he knew that Katelyn went into labor early. She was supposed to still have at least three more weeks left until the baby was due. Neil didn’t know how this could complicate things, but Aaron looked absolutely terrified. Neil wasn’t sure if it was because things were going badly or just the thought of being a father in general.

Air caught in Neil’s chest, but he forced himself to take deep breaths through his mouth. _Everything is going to be okay. Katelyn is okay. She has Abby and Aaron, they know what they’re doing. Everything is going to be okay –_

Katelyn was in labor for hours, nearly the entire day. Neil didn’t have a stomach to eat anything, instead he alternated between waiting in his tent with Nicky and Erik and getting more water with one of the others. After what seemed like forever, Abby left the tent and washed blood from her hands. The Foxes waited anxiously for the results. 

“Katelyn is exhausted, but she will be alright. The babies are good, too. Let them rest for now, but when Katelyn and Aaron are okay with it you can go see them.” 

“Babies?” Allison asked. 

Abby nodded, a faint smile pulling at the corner of her mouth. “Twin girls.”

Nicky promptly burst into tears and hugged Erik tightly. Matt’s eyes were wet from where he stood by Renee and Betsy. Allison smiled and Dan laughed breezily. Kevin’s eyes were wide like the thought of a baby, let alone two, blew his mind. Abby made her way to Wymack and rested her head on his shoulder. 

Neil hadn’t known what to expect when the camp fell silent and Abby left the tent, he couldn’t read her face. He had expected the worst, but instead everything was alright. He felt a strange mixture of giddy relief and exhaustion. He wondered how Katelyn and Aaron must feel. _Twins._

Andrew still hadn’t left his spot by the tent, so Neil went to him. He plopped down beside him and said, “You’re an uncle now.”

“Yes, that’s usually what happens when your brother’s wife gives birth,” Andrew said sarcastically, but he blinked at Neil like he didn’t quite believe it himself.

“Have you seen them yet?”

Andrew shook his head. “Katelyn’s asleep. Aaron’s not letting anyone in until she gets some rest.”

“I wonder what they’re going to name them. Do you think they have names already?” Neil mused out loud. 

“Aaron probably had a list of names ready months ago,” Andrew said with a quiet snort.

Neil laughed softly, feeling light and breezy. He might as well get some sleep in too, he thought as his eyelids grew heavy. 

Neil woke up with his head in Andrew’s lap and Andrew’s hand combing through his hair. He blinked drowsily and shifted so he was facing Andrew. Andrew’s face was devoid of emotion, but his eyes were calm. 

They faced each other until the tent unzipped from the inside and Aaron crawled out. He looked less stressed than he did earlier, but exhaustion still pulled at his small smile. Neil didn’t think Aaron had ever smiled at him before. “Katelyn’s awake, if you want to see the girls,” he said. 

Neil sat up so Andrew could follow Aaron back inside. Neil waited outside with Nicky, who shuffled his feet impatiently. “Do you think they look more like Katelyn or Aaron?” Nicky asked. 

“I don’t know. Both maybe. Isn’t that how babies work?”

Nicky grinned, but Aaron beckoned them inside before he could respond. 

The tent was crowded with five people in it, even though it was the largest tent they had. Neil barely fit all the way in, one of his shoulders was still poking outside. Katelyn smiled weakly when they entered. She held one twin, and Andrew had the other, cradling her close to his chest. 

“Do you want to hold her?” Katelyn asked softly. Nicky nodded eagerly and settled on his knees in front of Katelyn so Katelyn could pass the small bundle to Aaron who gently laid her in Nicky’s arms. 

Nicky began to cry again, small tears that ran down his nose and dropped on his cheek. He held the baby close and moved the blanket so he could see her small, red face. “Wow. Hi there, little one. God, you’re so tiny,” Nicky sniffed and laughed softly. “You look like your mom.”

“Their names are Rebecca and Madison,” Aaron said, pointing to the baby in Andrew’s arms and then to the one in Nicky’s. 

Rebecca started to fuss and cry, so Andrew carefully handed her back to Aaron who cradled her head and bounced her softly. Nicky passed Madison back to Katelyn. “They’re so beautiful,” he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :')


	11. Chapter 11

After two weeks, the Foxes decided to pack up and start moving again. It was a lot harder to travel with two new babies, and before long they began to run out of supplies for the twins. They needed more diapers, more baby formula, more clothes. Before the babies were born, the Foxes had stocked up on as much formula and diapers as they could find and carry, but Aaron and Katelyn were only expecting one baby, so they ran out twice as fast. 

They trudged through Accord, New York. Neil and the others kept an eye out for any stores and people, but the place seemed deserted, and it was already a small town with a smaller town square. They decided to split up and search through the stores in groups. 

“Hey, it looks like there’s a shop up ahead. _Gabe And Son’s…_ ” Matt paused, squinting up at the faded words on the sign. “Something. Maybe there’ll be supplies in there?” 

The door was locked from the outside with a metal chain and padlock, but Neil stuck his lockpicks in and wiggled it around until the lock clicked and the chain fell to the floor in a rusty heap. Matt dropped his bag and threw his weight against the heavy door, but the hinges were old and uncooperative. With a grunt and a final shove, the door fell open in a shower of rust and wooden splinters. A blast of cool air hit them and with it came the undeniable stench of rot and decay. 

Neil exchanged an alarmed look with Dan and fell back a step. Matt pressed his hand flat against the door and pushed it open tentatively. It was too dark inside to see, so Neil had to rely on the sunlight behind them. He peered inside, leaning in closer to see past Matt.

“Where is every –” a bang cut off the rest of Matt’s sentence. Matt yelped and yanked his arm back hard enough to elbow Neil in the face and send him sprawling.

“Neil!” Dan shouted. 

The ground knocked the air out of his lungs, preventing him from responding. His nose hurt too much for him to really notice, though. Neil cupped his throbbing nose and looked up at Matt, wondering what the hell happened. But Matt’s eyes were elsewhere, his face twisted in fear as he stumbled backwards. 

Neil’s stomach sank when a shambling corpse slammed into the door and clawed at where Matt’s hand had been previously. Its head whipped around wildly, blind milky eyes bulging out of its head and staring at nothing. It snarled and lunged in Matt’s general direction but Matt swerved and nearly lost his balance; the only thing keeping him from hitting the ground beside Neil was his make-shift walking stick. 

Neil cursed and rolled out of the way before he could get squashed flat or flayed alive. He scrambled to his feet and ducked under the zombie’s reaching arms, twisting around to prevent putting the zombie at his back. His back hit the brick wall and with a jolt, Neil realized he’d cornered himself. Desperation took over and Neil slid to the ground and kicked out at the zombie’s legs. 

The zombie fell forward over him when Neil’s foot connected with its joint and Neil barely had time to grasp the abandoned chain on the ground before the zombie could tear his entire face off. Neil wrapped the chain around the front of the zombie’s neck and held it away from him, trying to keep his face from the zombie’s mouth as much as possible. Teeth snapped mere inches from his eyes, saliva and bits of blood spattering everywhere. The foul breath made Neil’s eyes burn and his stomach twist as he tried not to retch. 

Just as Neil was sure that his hands would slip or the chain would snap, Matt used the butt of the Exy stick to impale the zombie through the head. The shaft of the stick broke through the crown of the zombie’s skull and slid through its gaping mouth. Neil went cross-eyed when it stopped right between his eyes, only an inch away from touching his skin. The zombie gave a horrible, gasping wheeze and spasmed over top of him before going limp.

“Shit. Neil, are you dead?” Matt said through gasps.

Neil shoved the body off of him, choking for fresh air that didn’t taste like rotting flesh. He stared down at the zombie in shock and wheezed, “I think we just found Gabe.”

“Jesus Christ,” Matt said. When he helped Neil up from the ground, Neil could feel him trembling. 

Neil wiped blood and brain matter off of his face, effectively smearing it everywhere. He felt along his face with numb fingers, checking once, twice, three times to make sure his skin was still intact. He was lucky he didn’t get bitten or scratched. “Jesus Christ,” he agreed. 

“What the hell is going on?” Wymack’s voice behind them startled Neil and made him jump. 

Andrew and Kevin were right behind him. Kevin faltered, but Andrew didn’t hesitate on his way over to Neil. Neil nodded at the question in Andrew’s eyes as he fisted the back of Neil’s t-shirt and tugged him close. 

Andrew eyed the blood covering Neil’s face, his grip like steel around the back of his neck. “Yours?”

“Some of it. Matt elbowed me in the face when he was trying to get away from that guy.” Neil jerked his chin to the zombie, the Exy stick still jammed in its head. “I’m okay.”

Andrew swallowed and nodded, not tearing his eyes away from Neil’s as he wiped some of the blood away from his mouth. It was then that Neil noticed a bruise forming on Andrew’s jaw. He reached out and brushed his fingers against it, cringing when he left bloody fingerprints. “What happened?”

“This place isn’t so empty after all, and the locals aren’t very friendly. We agreed to leave before sundown, so that’s when we came looking for the rest of you. We were just looking for Katelyn, Aaron, and Allison,” Wymack informed them. 

Katelyn and Aaron with the twins, were inseparable from each other, and Allison had gone along with them to search an old clothing store. “Are they –”

“We’re here, Coach.” Allison lifted her duffel over her shoulder by the straps to show them all what she, Katelyn, and Aaron found. 

Dan gave the Exy stick a rough jerk, but it stayed nestled deep in the zombie’s head. She gave up and looked at Matt. “I think you’ll have to find another cane.”

~ ~ ~

It was another week before Madison started coughing. 

They hadn’t seen another town for days, so there was no chance of finding a house or a barn to squat it. Instead they camped on the side of the road in their tents and sleeping bags. 

Kicking a rock out of the way, Neil jammed a tent spike into the ground and tied it with the ropes. He pushed it the rest of the way into the ground with his foot and moved on to the next one. 

By the time he was done pitching the tent, Madison was coughing again, making Rebecca cry louder. 

“She’s breathing funny. It sounds like there’s a rattle in her chest,” Aaron said as he rubbed Madison’s back. Katelyn frowned, the corners of her eyes pinched with concern. 

“Is she running a fever?” 

Aaron felt Madison’s head. “No, I don’t think so.”

“It could just be a cough. Maybe she has a tickle in her throat?” Nicky suggested weakly. Katelyn’s frown deepened. 

“I hope so. Just in case, I think we should keep these two separated. If Madison is coming down with something, I don’t want to risk Rebecca getting it, too.”

Madison didn’t stop coughing. In fact, it only seemed to get worse. The Foxes stayed at their camp for several days while Madison recovered. Despite their best efforts, Rebecca started coughing as well. 

Neil found Katelyn and Matt talking outside one of the tents. Neil began to turn around, not meaning to eavesdrop, but Katelyn’s words made him stop. 

“…getting worse. Betsy said there’s a town up ahead that might have some. It’s only a day away. Half, if we move quickly.”

Matt looked up and caught sight of Neil and waved him over. “Rebecca’s starting to run a fever, and we need medicine ASAP,” he said. 

“I think it’s the beginning of whooping cough. If it gets any worse, it can be deadly, especially for babies so young.” Katelyn breathed in sharply. “If we don’t find any medicine they could –” 

Her bottom lip trembled. Matt placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and when she began to cry, pulled her into a hug. “It’s going to be alright. A couple of us can go into the town, and we’ll find the medicine. Everything’s going to be fine.”

Katelyn nodded and pulled away, wiping her face. She called for Aaron and told him the plan. Aaron looked worried but agreed that they couldn’t delay any longer. 

Matt went to the rest of the group and they decided that Abby, Neil, and Renee would go into town. They would be the fastest, and as neither Aaron or Katelyn wanted to leave the twins, Abby would know which medicine would be best. 

Neil dumped almost everything out of his duffel so it wouldn’t slow him down. Plus, he needed the extra room for anything else they could find. He left his clothes and other belongings in a pile wrapped in a blanket in his sleeping bag to keep safe until he could come back for it. All that he brought was food, water, and his crowbar. 

Renee and Abby were waiting for Neil, so when he was done they set they set off at a furious pace east. They took a shortcut through the woods so they could get there faster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh oh spaghetti-o


	12. Chapter 12

Andrew was nervous that Neil, the death magnet that he was, was leaving his sight. Every time they got separated, Neil seemed to cause more trouble and almost get himself killed. Honestly, Andrew didn’t know how he was still alive at this point. 

But, Neil was the fastest in the group, and it was urgent that they got the medicine for the twins as soon as possible. 

Andrew stayed away from Aaron and Katelyn’s tent as much as he could. He didn’t want to be in the way, and unlike Nicky, he couldn’t offer up any support or comfort. Instead, he stayed a moderate distance from the tent, far enough that he couldn’t get under anyone’s feet, but close enough he could defend his family if anything went wrong.

One of the twins started to cough again, a horrible, hacking cough that hurt just to listen to. Andrew didn’t know a lot about whooping cough other than the distinct sound the person who had it made when they tried to breathe. Every inhale was a struggle for tortured lungs.

Sitting in the shade of a tree, Andrew picked at a scab he got on the heel of his hand when he twisted his ankle over a gnarled root and scratched his arm to hell. The scab didn’t distract him for long, and soon all Andrew could do was think. Neil and the others had left hours ago and the sun was already starting to set. The town was only supposed to be half a day away, but every second Neil’s group was away felt like an hour. 

No one bothered to get a fire going, and it wasn’t cold enough to need one, so Andrew decided to eat his food as it was. He jammed the blade of his knife in a can of soup and wiggled it until the lid popped open. Although it wasn’t particularly mouth-watering, Andrew didn’t mind that the soup was cold or that it tasted like mush when it went down his throat. 

He and Dan had first watch that night, so Andrew occupied his time by trying to count the stars. In the city, the light always washed them out so he could only see a couple stars at a time, if he was lucky. But since they were in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere, Andrew swore he could see all of them. He tried to find every constellation he remembered from the books he read, tracing the patterns with his eyes and trying to recount the stories that went with each one. 

It used to be a coping mechanism during foster care before Andrew found worse ones. He would sneak out in the middle of the night, quietly creeping through hallways so he didn’t wake anyone up, and find a place to curl up under the stars for a couple hours at a time. Sometimes when he couldn’t leave the house he would open a window and lean out of it until his fear of heights caught up to him and forced him back inside. 

The stars made Andrew feel small and insignificant, one of the only small comforts Andrew had. When he felt lonely he reminded himself of all the stars millions of miles away. They too, were alone. When the universe seemed so vast and infinite, all of Andrew’s problems didn’t matter anymore and for once, he wasn’t forced to remember.

A couple times, Aaron or Katelyn wandered out of the tents, sometimes alone, sometimes with one of the twins. Neither twins nor parents got very much sleep that night.

By the next morning, Neil, Renee, and Abby still weren’t back yet. Andrew knew they might’ve stopped for the night or were still searching for the medicine, but something like worry pricked at his skin. 

When they still weren’t back by the time the sun started to set again, Andrew had to stop Nicky from spiraling into a panic and sending out a search party for the three. But if Andrew were being honest with himself, he was also starting to get on edge. They should definitely be back by now. 

He tried not to let his mind wander, but he couldn’t help thinking about Neil or Renee or Abby dead or dying on some backroad. Maybe they got eaten by wolves in the woods, or maybe by zombies. Andrew shook the thoughts away. They would not be a help to anyone. 

Aaron paced outside the tent, running his hands through his hair and lashing out at Nicky anytime he tried to comfort him. Aaron was the picture of anxiety, a study of crumbling psyche. Andrew didn’t know how much better his wife was faring, she had barely left the tent all day as she stayed with the twins. 

Something dark and sick swirled in the pit of Andrew’s stomach. He was about ready to go find Neil and the others and hunt them down himself, no search party needed. 

Even though he wasn’t on watch tonight, Andrew didn’t sleep. He didn’t think he could if he tried, and it wasn’t just because the twins hardly stopped crying for hours. If he were asleep, Katelyn’s alarmed shouts definitely would have woken him up, though. 

“Aaron! Aaron!” 

Andrew shot up out of his sleeping bag, reaching for his knives immediately. He didn’t hear anything sneaking up on them from the darkness, but Andrew wasn’t about to risk it. Wymack and Nicky were keeping watch, and as soon as they heard the commotion they also rushed over. 

But there were no zombies. No fires and no explosions. 

When Andrew crept towards the tent with something he didn’t want to call dread weighing his every step, he couldn’t hear anything except for one of the twins’ occasional pitiful cries and coughs. Andrew heard a sob and thought it might have been Katelyn. The night seemed deadly silent, Andrew felt that if he breathed he would shatter it.

Then Aaron started yelling, and before Andrew reached the tent it unzipped and Aaron’s pale face poked out, contorted in panic. “Rebecca stopped breathing. Shit. _Shit_.” 

The Foxes who weren’t awake yet were soon awoken by the ruckus of people running around and yelling. Katelyn jumped into action and immediately tried to pump air back into Rebecca’s lungs but she was already turning blue in the face. Nicky grabbed a wailing Madison and quietly bounced her up and down while he paced back and forth to calm her down. 

Andrew clenched his jaw, grounding his teeth together. He hated knowing that he couldn’t do anything, hated his uselessness with a fury that ran deep in his veins. Fingernails dug into his palms, leaving half-moon imprints in his skin. More than anything he wanted Neil to return with the medicine. 

Despite their best efforts, two minutes passed and Rebecca still didn’t draw air into her tiny lungs. When nothing else could be done, Katelyn stopped and began to cry. Aaron sank to his knees and embraced her, holding her tight as tears ran down his face and got lost in her hair.

~ ~ ~

They buried Rebecca Minyard under an old oak tree that had probably been around longer than any of them. Leaves littered the ground, despite it still being the beginning of August, and the ground was soft where they dug the little grave. Nicky found two small tree branches to make a cross and used a rock to carve Rebecca’s name into it.

“I don’t know the date,” Nicky said, his voice thick as tears welled up in his eyes. “She wasn’t even four weeks old.”

Neil, Renee, and Abby finally arrived a few hours later, bruised and battered and looking absolutely worse for wear. They couldn’t find the medicine that would help the most, so they grabbed the next best thing and ran with it. Abby gave Madison some of the medicine they found, checking twice to make sure she got the right dosage.

When Andrew told Neil what happened, Andrew saw something flash in Neil’s eyes. Something like guilt, like pain or regret. “It was a riot out there,” he started, rubbing at a cut on his cheek. “We should have been faster, maybe if we got here sooner –”

“Don’t,” Andrew said. “Blaming yourself isn’t going to change anything.”

Neil flinched, but Andrew didn’t think it was because of what he said. They sat in silence for a couple moments, Neil hesitatingly playing with Andrew’s fingers, before Neil retreated to their tent. Andrew decided to leave him be, he’d check on him when he was done with his brother. 

Andrew found Aaron curled up under the oak tree. He had his legs pulled up to his chest and his arms folded over his knees as he stared at the tiny grave. Aaron wiped his eyes and turned away when he noticed Andrew approaching. Andrew had only seen Aaron cry twice before, not including the time he was coming off his mother’s drugs. Once during his trial when Andrew testified and again when he and Katelyn got married. 

“I don’t want to talk,” Aaron said stiffly.

Andrew didn’t respond. Instead he sat several feet away and watched his brother try and pull himself together. They stayed like that for a while, Aaron stifling his crying into his shoulder and angrily wiping away his tears, and Andrew watching the sunlight filter through the leaves above them. 

After a few minutes of Aaron crying and trying not to, Andrew said, “Your wife and daughter need you.”

Aaron let out a small sob and curled tighter around himself. “She was so _small_.”

If he were Nicky, he would have pulled Aaron into a hug, and if he were Kevin, he would have grasped his shoulder. But Andrew was neither, so he stayed by Aaron’s side in a tentative show of support that years ago Aaron – either of them – wouldn’t have accepted. 

Andrew wasn’t good with words, and he was even worse with comforting people. He wasn’t built for it. Especially when it came to his brother. They were closer after they left Palmetto than they were arriving, but there were still words left unsaid and a gap that they were only starting to close. Andrew didn’t have words of support, but he could offer this. 

Aaron wiped his face with his shirt and pulled himself up again, not bothering to brush the dirt and leaves from his pants. He paused before nodding at Andrew, a small jerk of his head that anyone who wasn’t paying attention would have missed. But Andrew was always paying attention. 

Nicky and Renee found wildflowers growing by the side of the road later that day. They picked a couple handfuls and lay them to rest underneath the little cross grave-marker. The small, fragile flowers were white and yellow and purple, and the falling leaves were already beginning to cover them up. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song for this chapter is [heal by tom odell](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oFeJqnjF3o) (also one of my fav songs)


	13. Chapter 13

Sickness seemed to seep deep down in the ground that night; the entire area was infected with death and a somber shroud cloaked the entire camp, smothering the air from Neil’s lungs. No one wanted to stay, so as soon as the sun was up the next day, the Foxes silently packed their things and moved on. 

Aaron and Katelyn walked hand in hand ahead of Neil, relying on each other for support with Madison between them. Their faces were streaked but resolute. They would not lose their other daughter. 

A pit settled in Neil’s stomach ever since he, Renee, and Abby arrived too late to save both twins. If they had been just a little bit earlier, a little bit faster, maybe they would have gotten the medicine to Rebecca before she succumbed to whooping cough. 

Andrew told him not to do this to himself, but Neil couldn’t help but feel guilty. It was his fault they were so late. Renee spotted the town first, and it quickly became apparent that it would be hard to get in and even harder to get out. Most of the city was sectioned off, but that didn’t keep the destruction from the outside world from creeping in. By the time they found a pharmacy for the antibiotics, there was a full-on riot happening outside. 

It would have been impossible for all three of them to sneak past and into the pharmacy, so Neil decided to go since he was the smallest and fastest of the group. He slipped between the chaos, between the writhing bodies and flailing fists. All he had to do was find a broken window to sneak through and make himself invisible between the shelves. 

Someone came at Neil with a knife and he wasn’t fast enough to avoid it completely. Neil was better at running away from a fight then actually fighting, but he couldn’t drop everything and run, not when he had the medicine. 

Neil was able to snatch the antibiotics and anything else he could get his hands on, but the man caught him in the face with the knife, slicing his skin open deep enough it would need stiches. Neil stuffed the valuable cargo in his duffel to free up his hands and punched the man in the gut. It was enough to buy himself time, but not enough to get away scot-free. Two more people rounded on him and beat him into the floor. 

Neil was pretty sure he was going to die there, trampled and beaten to death between broken glass and bloody stains on the floor, but then Renee and Abby came to his aid. Renee practically had to carry Neil out of the pharmacy on her back. By the time they made it back to the outskirts of the city again, Neil was less disoriented and could walk for himself, but they’d already lost so much time and were slower because of Neil. 

If Neil hadn’t let himself get caught they could have made it back to the rest of the Foxes in time to save Rebecca. He didn’t know how he was supposed to face Aaron and Katelyn after this. _His fault, his fault_.

“Stop it,” Andrew said, knocking Neil’s hand away from the stitches on his face. Neil grimaced at him but said nothing. 

Despite his sore muscles and limp, Neil didn’t want to stop when the sun began to set. He wanted to keep walking, keep running, until nothing could hurt them anymore. But Madison was still alive, and even though the antibiotics were working, she was weak and needed as much rest as possible. As did Aaron and Katelyn. 

No one talked when they set up the tents and sleeping bags. Someone got a fire going, but no one really wanted to sit around it with everyone else. A solemn fog blanketed the Foxes since they left that morning, and a fire wasn’t enough to lift it. That day by the campfire when everything was still okay seemed a million hours and miles away.

Neil didn’t have watch that night, but despite his exhaustion, he couldn’t sleep. He tossed and turned in his sleeping bag for a couple hours before he gave up and kicked off his blankets and looked for something to do. He found Renee and Wymack pouring over the map. 

Wymack looked up and spotted him, his face flooded and washed out in the yellow glow of the flashlight resting between his shoulder and chin. Wymack motioned him over and Neil, relieved, sat next to Renee. 

“I believe the refuge will be in this area, here.” Renee pointed to a spot on the map, just North of Syracuse. She uncapped the lid of a marker and circled two areas. “We’re about here. A little past Otsego County.”

“If we keep up our pace, we can make it to the refuge in little under a week,” Wymack said, running his finger across the map and connecting to two circles with an imaginary line. 

Renee nodded, recapping her marker. Her gaze flickered to Neil. “But if we keep up our pace, we may burn out and it’ll take longer.”

Neil shifted uncomfortably, looking away from the map. He didn’t want to be the thing holding back the Foxes from reaching safety. “If it’ll be better, I can stay here for awhile and catch up to you guys when I can.”

“Absolutely not,” Wymack said as Renee fervently shook her head. “We’re doing this as a team. We’re not leaving you behind.”

“But –” Neil protested, his words falling out of his mouth in a rush, “I’m slowing you guys down. The sooner you get to the refuge, the better. I’m not going to be the reason that the rest of you die, too.”

“We didn’t leave Matt behind when he nearly lost his leg, and we’re not leaving you either, Neil,” Renee said, her calm voice never wavering. 

Neil clenched his teeth hard enough to hurt and curled his fists in the pockets of his jacket. He couldn’t meet their eyes. 

“Neil, you’re going to go back to your sleeping bag, right now, or we’re all staying here an extra day for you to get some rest, hear me?” Wymack said sternly, as if he were talking to a child past their bed time. Neil shook his head, frustrated with himself. “I said, do you hear me?”

“Yes, Coach.”

“Good. Now, the sooner you sleep the sooner we can move our lazy asses. Run along.”

~ ~ ~

Neil managed to catch a couple hours of sleep, but he was still exhausted by the time morning rolled around. Not that he was going to tell anyone that and delay them further. 

For the next couple days, whenever Neil stumbled, Andrew was there to help him back up. Andrew was as strong and fierce as always, someone for Neil to lean on and someone for Neil to support. Through everything, Andrew was there. Andrew was Neil’s everything, and Neil loved him for it. 

The Foxes had to stop more than Neil would have liked, but only for a couple hours at a time, enough to rest and continue walking. They passed an interstate sign and another beside it that said _Syracuse, 3 miles_ on it. They seemed to pick up pace after that, everyone eager to reach refuge. 

Anxiousness prickled across Neil’s skin, making him twitchy and impatient. They’d be at the refuge in two days, at most. Part of him still couldn’t quite believe that it would be there. But Nicky was right, hope was the only thing they had besides each other. 

Neil forced himself to sleep that night. He was nothing if not persistent, so he fell asleep facing Andrew and woke up closer to him than when he was before. Andrew didn’t seem to mind as he traced the lines and edges of Neil’s face with his eyes. The morning sun highlighted him from behind, turning his blonde hair into a halo of gold. 

The Foxes ate quickly, practically stuffing food in their mouths as they packed and got ready to keep moving. They all knew this was the last stretch before they reached the refuge, they felt it just as much as Neil did. 

Unfortunately, the refuge was a lot harder to find, especially since all the Foxes had to go on was “North of Syracuse”. They skipped around the big city completely, not wanting to run into any trouble or possible hordes of the undead. Syracuse remained a blurred smudge in the distance. Neil could barely make out individual buildings from behind the smoke and fog.

They reached the area on the map Renee circled, but there wasn’t a refuge. They left the road and went West and then circled back up North. All they could see for miles was large stretches of fields and farmland. The Foxes found a copse of trees and set up camp for the night. Neil tried to not let himself feel discouraged. 

“It could be anywhere around here, we haven’t searched everywhere yet,” Kevin said, anxiously tossing his Exy ball from hand to hand like a stress ball. “Maybe it’s on the other side of these trees.”

Erik and Katelyn had watch first that night. Madison wasn’t coughing anymore and she was starting to look healthier every day. The Foxes were still grieving and they would never forget what they lost, but they couldn’t lose sight of what they still had, either. 

As soon as Neil’s head hit the blanket he bunched up to use as a pillow, he drifted off to sleep. Too soon, Erik woke him up for his turn on watch. 

Kevin was already up, though he seemed more asleep than awake. Neil settled down next to him and passed him some water to help wake him up. Kevin accepted it gratefully, but instead of drinking it he just poured a bit on his face. Neil wrinkled his nose and replaced the cap back on when Kevin passed it back to him. 

The sun was only starting to rise when Neil heard twigs snapping and bushes rustling. Neil’s blood went cold as he reached for his crowbar. Kevin looked wary and opened his mouth to say something, but Neil pressed a finger to his mouth in a motion to be quiet. Neil heard a grunt and then a thump and more twigs snapping. It could just be a deer. Neil hoped it was just a deer. 

Neil crept forward, keeping his weight balanced so he didn’t make a sound over the uneven ground. He heard Kevin shuffling behind him as he reached for the shotgun. Slowly, Neil made his way to the nearest bush and peered around it, but it was still too dark to make out any solid shapes from the gloom. 

A low growl and hot, rank breath on the side of his face made Neil freeze. The stench of rot was unmistakable and enough to make Neil’s stomach turn. When his eyes adjusted, he was met with dark empty sockets and saliva dripping to the forest floor from a bloody, decaying mouth. Neil swallowed and took an unsteady step back. 

The zombie snarled and leapt at him, slashing its nails like vicious claws close enough to Neil’s face that he could feel the rush of air whizzing by his ear when he ducked. 

He shouted out to Kevin, but Kevin was already rushing forward. He pressed the shotgun at the zombie’s chest and pulled the trigger. The zombie jerked in the air and dropped when the buckshot ripped through its chest, but it was only down for a second before it started dragging itself across moldy leaves and sticks. 

“The head! You have to aim for the head!” Neil yelled.

Kevin cocked the shot gun, but it only clicked and refused to do anything else. Neil cursed and shoved Kevin back to prevent his ankles from being bitten off and swung his crowbar at the zombie. He’d misjudged the distance and the crowbar glanced off a rock, jarring itself from Neil’s hands and flying into the air to land on the other side of the zombie. 

The zombie swiped at Neil’s shins, forcing him to jump back farther. Kevin used the butt of the shotgun to bash the zombie’s head into the ground before it could get any closer. He breathed out a gasp of air and shoved his hair back from his face. 

Before they could catch their breaths, Neil heard more rustling and snarls. There were more zombies coming, and it sounded like there were a lot of them. Kevin grabbed the back of Neil’s t-shirt and dragged him away from the trees and back to the camp. “Shit, shit.”

The others were starting to wake up and investigate, but at the sight of Kevin and Neil’s panicked faces, they froze. Neil nearly crashed into Erik in his desperation to get away. Erik caught him and asked what happened. 

“Horde,” Neil gasped right as the camp erupted into chaos. 

It happened so quickly. The camp filled with death and decay while the Foxes scrambled for any weapon they could get their hands on. Neil had left his crowbar back in the bushes where Kevin killed the first zombie, so he frantically unzipped his duffel and snatched Andrew’s knife. It was better than nothing, so it would have to do. 

Andrew appeared at Neil’s side in an instant, wielding the bat full of nails and swinging it at any dead thing that got too close. Neil quickly lost sight of the other Foxes as the zombies swarmed around them. All he could do was fight his way out and hope the others did too. 

Neil pressed his back into Andrew’s as they swung and slashed at the zombie’s left and right. Neil leapt forward and plunged the knife into the eye of the zombie closest to him and twisted to avoid being bit. He shoved the body away from him, letting it drop to the ground, and ducked around another zombie already missing half its face. 

Somehow Neil made his way back to the bushes. He slashed at the zombie before him and dove behind the bush. His scrabbled against rocks and twigs as he felt around for the crowbar in the dark. He’d lost sight of Andrew, but he knew Andrew still had his back.

Neil couldn’t see anyone else from his spot on the ground, but he thought he heard Nicky shout. Finally, Neil spotted his crowbar lying between the roots of a tree several feet away, but before he could get to it, two bodies broke through the bushes and landed between him and the crowbar with a loud _thwack_. 

It took Neil a second to realize who it was, and once he recognized Nicky’s face under an angry zombie, Neil’s heart raced in his chest. Nicky had his hands wrapped around the zombie’s arms to prevent it from scratching him and he kicked at the floor to try and dislodge the zombie from on top of him, but it wouldn’t budge. 

Neil only took two seconds to dive for the zombie. He wrapped his arms around its waist as he slammed into it. Both of them rolled over and Neil barely dodged the zombie’s teeth sinking into his shoulder. His ears were filled with the zombie’s snuffling snarls, blocking out the rest of the world around him. Neil whipped around and found the crowbar just out of reach. 

“Nicky! The crowbar!” Neil shouted, wrestling the zombie’s arms away from him. He twisted to avoid getting scratched and slammed his back into a tree root hard enough to knock the air out of him. He couldn’t see anything past the zombie’s wriggling form and it was a toss up whether Nicky heard him or not. 

“Duck!” Nicked shouted, his voice a crackle in Neil’s ears. Just in time Neil slid out from under the zombie’s body and Nicky brought the crowbar down on its head. Blood spattered across the trees and the zombie slumped to rest in the leaves. “Oh my god. Oh my god –”

Nicky let the crowbar slip from his fingers and into the dirt. He sunk to his knees and bent over his legs like he was going to be sick. Neil breathed through his teeth as the world came back into too-sharp focus. Nicky was looking at him was looking at him with wide eyes peeking through his fingers.

They didn’t have time for a break down, and Nicky knew that. Neil helped him up and after grabbing his crowbar and taking a moment to steady himself, they leapt back into the fray to help the others. 

Neil bumped into Katelyn immediately, jostling her forward before he could step to the side. Katelyn whipped around and raised a large tree branch over her head as if to hit him. Neil threw his hands up to block, but Katelyn’s eyes went wide with relief and she let it drop back down. “Neil, thank God. Are you alright?”

Neil nodded and jabbed a zombie in the face with his crowbar. “You? Where’s Madison?” 

“I’m okay. And I told Aaron to take her and run. He’s supposed to be with Betsy and Wymack,” Katelyn shouted as she whacked a zombie in the stomach with the branch while Neil took out its legs.

Gunshots rang overhead, interrupting their conversation and causing the wall of zombies to crumble to the ground. Instinctually, Neil hit the ground and curled up in on himself to prevent getting riddled with holes. Katelyn did the same, dragging Nicky with her. 

Neil could feel his heart pumping madly from where his chest pressed against his legs. The world was made up of bullets and smoke.


	14. Chapter 14

When it went quiet, Neil peeked out from over his arms to see dust settling over the bodies of zombies that littered the forest ground around them. 

A group of people stood in the center of the clearing, smoke and dust swirling around them like a sandstorm. There seemed to be about ten people, most with guns or weapons of some sort. Speechless, all Neil could do was stare as one women offered him her hand to help him up. She pulled down the mask she wore over her mouth and shouted, “I found more survivors!” 

“What –” 

“Did any of you get bitten?” the woman asked. Neil shook his head. He, Nicky, and Katelyn were safe, but he didn’t know about the others. He couldn’t see where any of them had gone. Neil fought back the initial panic that seized in his chest when he realized he didn’t see Andrew anywhere.

“My name’s Sandy, and we’re from the New York Refuge, just a little east from here. We heard the commotion and decided to check it out. You’re lucky we came here in time, otherwise you’d all be goners,” the woman said, tucking her gun into the holster at her hip. 

“What about my friends?” Neil asked, his head spinning. _New York Refuge?_

Sandy motioned him over so Neil followed her to where a couple large jeeps were parked. The rest of the Foxes were all behind them, except for Kevin. 

Neil’s head whipped around. “Where’s Kevin?” 

“Your friend will be okay. He’s getting medical care from one of our medics. He was caught in the shoulder from the cross-fire, but the bullet just barely grazed him,” Sandy said. 

Andrew tugged away from someone who was dabbing at a cut on his arm as soon as he saw Neil. Neil fell into him and grasped the t-shirt at his sides, letting his forehead fall against Andrew’s shoulder. Fear and relief pulsed through Neil’s body like adrenaline. When Neil pulled back, Andrew was shaking. “Don’t fucking disappear like that again.”

“I’m okay. I’m okay,” Neil said, a little breathlessly. Andrew’s grip was solid and warm around the back of Neil’s neck.

A man gave them a couple more seconds before he gently pried Neil away from Andrew. Neil fought him at first, but Andrew didn’t intend on going anywhere. The man explained that he was a medic and they were just making sure he wasn’t infected.

Neil’s arm stung a bit from where one of the other medics scraped a sample of his skin. He explained what he was doing while he worked; he was going to mix the skin sample with a solution to check if Neil had the Fever. If the solution turned violet, he was infected, if it turned yellow, he was safe. Neil waited with bated breath as the medic dipped the sample in the solution. He mixed it, and Neil had never been more grateful to see the color yellow in his entire life. Except, maybe, when Andrew’s turned yellow, too.

After everyone was thoroughly checked for infected scratches and bites, the Refugees helped the Foxes load their things into the jeeps and set out. It was hard to believe that they were being taken to the Refuge, that after all this time, they were finally safe. 

Andrew let Neil sink into his side as he twisted his fingers in Neil’s lanky curls. He would need another haircut soon – preferably not one performed by Allison with a rusty pair of scissors. Across from them, Matt let out a startled huff of breath that could have been a weak laugh and gripped Dan’s hand. 

_We made it, we’re okay._ As Neil closed his eyes and rested his head on Andrew’s shoulder, Andrew’s fingers skimming over the ridges of Neil’s scars and knuckles, Neil let himself hope.

~ ~ ~

The ride to the Refuge was quick, only about fifteen or twenty minutes. 

Another Refugee introduced himself as James and explained to the Foxes that the CDC started setting up Refuges like this one across the country about five months ago. They’d been broadcasting all over America, trying to bring more survivors to safety. 

“We have several scattered all over from New York to California. I think the largest one is just outside LA. It was quarantined immediately after the Fever breached Cali.”

“How long have you been here?” Wymack asked. 

James frowned. “A little over three months I think. I lived in Albany with my wife and son. When they got sick I was alone, but I heard the CDC’s broadcast and made my way up here. I was the lucky one, I guess,” he chuckled sadly. “Where’re you folks from?”

“South Carolina, we came from Palmetto State,” Dan said. 

James’ eyebrows shot up to his hairline. “That’s a long way from here, long walk. We have lunch and showers waiting for you guys at NYR. Dr. Samson, she works for the CDC and is in charge there, will tell you everything when we arrive.”

The jeeps slowed down when they reached a high chain-link fence where two people waited by the entrance on the other side. The driver waved and one of the people gave a thumb’s up back when they opened the fence for them. 

Most of the Refuge seemed to be farmland. Neil could see a couple cows and sheep in the distance, but the majority of the land was made up of fields that stretched pretty far back. As they drove down the dirt road Neil could see people working in the fields. The driver parked in a small lot where several other jeeps and vehicles were parked. Behind that was the center of the Refuge where large tents and buildings were set up. 

People looked at the Foxes with a mix of curiosity and concern. Neil wondered how often they found survivors, since there seemed to be a lot of people here. 

James called out to a man with dark skin and wild hair who was talking to a group of people and waved him over. The man clapped James on the back and gave the Foxes a friendly smile. “This is Carter. He’ll show you to your lodges.”

The lodges were a lot like the dorms at Palmetto and a lot like the camps in the sense that they were giant tents with sectioned off rooms. There were four “rooms” per side of a tent, making it eight rooms per tent with a hallway down the middle. The sections weren’t very big; there was only enough room for a cot or two and a place to put belongings, but not a lot of room for walking space. Carter gave them enough time to set their things down before he moved them out to show them the rest of the Refuge.

Before they could get any farther than a few steps away from the lodge, Neil heard a clash and a clatter as someone dropped something heavy to the ground. 

“Renee!” 

Neil turned in time to see a woman run to them with outstretched arms. 

“Renee Walker!”

Renee gasped loudly and broke away from the group, meeting the woman half way. Stephanie Walker pulled Renee to her and grasped her in a tight hug. 

“I thought you were gone, I thought I’d never see you again,” Renee sobbed. 

“I wasn’t sure if you got my note, and if you did if you would make it here. After Karma was destroyed, I thought my chance of finding you disappeared.” Stephanie pulled back and looked her daughter up and down. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

Renee laughed and wiped away her tears. Neil and the rest of the Foxes gathered around and hugs and words of relief and happiness were passed around. Stephanie joined them for the rest of their tour, catching Renee and the others up on what her life had been like at the Refuge, Karma, and before.

Neil was right when he thought most of the Refuge consisted of farmland. There were four fields – North, East, South, and West. NYR was mostly self-reliant and farmed their own food, since the outside world was unreliable. They had livestock as well. Carter explained that everyone at NYR had a job, everyone had to work together for the refuge to keep running smoothly. “Even the elderly have something to do. Nothing too strenuous, of course. We don’t make anyone do what they can’t, but everyone helps out in ways they can.” 

Carter led them past storage buildings to the medical buildings and the makeshift hospital tent next to it. “You’ve already been cleared of the Fever, but you’ll need to get more vaccines once you’re washed up. Especially this little one,” he smiled warmly at Madison in Katelyn’s arms, who blinked at him with clear eyes. 

After Carter was done with the tour, he let them wash up in the bathrooms. The bathrooms were in a large building filled with stalls for showers and toilets. There was a place to wash clothes as well. The bathrooms had running water, but they had to conserve it so they couldn’t be longer than ten minutes in the showers. 

Neil ran back to the lodges to grab a change of clothes before his shower. There wasn’t any soap, so Neil assumed he would have to use his own, which he didn’t have. It didn’t matter very much, though, when Neil turned the handle and hot water poured out of the faucet. He spent his ten minutes scrubbing every inch of his body and watching all the dirt and sweat from the past few months run down the drain. It felt so good that Neil never wanted to leave but after ten minutes, the shower clicked and the water turned off. 

Andrew had already gotten his vaccines by the time Neil dried and dressed himself. Andrew tugged the sleeve of Neil’s jersey and snorted disdainfully. He still waited for Neil to receive his vaccines and afterwards said, “Come on, the bell for lunch rang and everyone is heading to the Mess Hall.”

The Mess Hall was really several rows of long tables with a tent stretched overhead. The smell of hot, fresh food made Neil’s stomach grumble. They got in line and grabbed trays with plates and forks. Plates of food were being served on the table; thin slices of meat and vegetables, a salad with fresh tomatoes and lettuce, potatoes, and even milk and cheese. 

Nicky sidled up to Neil and Andrew and said, “This place is the best place ever. God, I can’t believe we made it.”

Andrew grunted in response and used the tongs to slap a slice of pork on his plate. 

“I think they should recruit Abby, Katelyn, and Aaron to work as medics since they already have medical experience. I think I’m gonna be a farmer,” Nicky said as he spooned some potatoes on his plate. 

“You’re going to kill all the little piglets so we can eat, Nicky?” Andrew asked in a bored tone. 

Nicky’s nose wrinkled. “That is so not what I meant and you know it.”

The Foxes found a table near the back where they could eat. Neil scarfed down his food so quickly Andrew told him he wasn’t going to listen to Neil complaining of a stomachache if he didn’t slow down, but Neil didn’t care. The food wasn’t particularly fancy or even flavorful, but it was better than anything Neil had eaten in months and he felt like he was starving. Compared to everything he’d eaten in the past couple months, his single plate of food was a feast.

During dinner, a couple people came over and introduced themselves or welcomed the Foxes to the Refuge. Neil largely ignored them, but they seemed friendly enough. 

After lunch a very tall woman with intense eyes and short black hair introduced herself as Dr. Samson from the CDC. She shook everyone’s hands and asked how they were adjusting to NYR before explaining how things worked in the Refuge. 

“Tomorrow we’ll introduce you to your new jobs. We don’t necessarily have set jobs for people, everyone goes where we need them too unless you request it. Whatever you’re best at, we’ll find something suited for you,” she said. “But right now, you should get some rest. You had a very hard time getting here, I presume. You deserve the break.”

Neil could definitely use a day to get some rest. He couldn’t remember the last time he was completely at ease, maybe he’d never be again, but a nap would do him some good.

At the lodge, Andrew pushed his cot into Neil’s room so they could share. Aaron took Andrew’s assigned section and lifted the flap between it and Katelyn’s section, tying it so that they could have a double room for the three of them. The rest of the Foxes settled in around them. 

Neil didn’t really feel like doing anything else until dinner, but he needed clean clothes so he unpacked everything else in his duffel, which wasn’t a lot, and took his clothes to the bathrooms. 

Neil turned on the faucet and spent several minutes viciously and thoroughly scrubbing every article of clothing he had. A couple other people were already in there, but they mostly left Neil alone except for the occasional curious look or smile. There was a clothes line outside to hang up wet clothes, so Neil pinned them up and met Andrew back at the lodge. 

Andrew was asleep in his cot when Neil got back, but he startled a bit when Neil pushed the flap back and let himself in. Neil pointed at Andrew’s dirty clothes in question and Andrew nodded before turning over and going back to sleep. Neil grabbed his clothes and brought them back to the bathrooms to clean.

Dinner was just as good as lunch was, and when Neil was full and satiated, he walked back to the lodge hand in hand with Andrew. His eyes were heavy by the time he was done organizing his sleeping bag and blanket on his cot, but he felt wide awake when Andrew hungrily pressed his lips to Neil’s. 

Neil didn’t want to stop but he was too exhausted to continue. Andrew must have thought the same thing because he pulled away after a few minutes of kissing and gently pushed Neil back into his own cot. Facing each other with their legs tangled between them, it was the most restful sleep Neil had had in a long time.


	15. Chapter 15

They’d been at the Refuge for a little over a month and a half and the Foxes were starting to settle down and feel normal as much as they could in a zombie apocalypse. It was still a little surreal, though, when Neil thought about it. In the past year Neil had gone from being the captain of the Palmetto State Foxes Exy team and being on track to signing with the pros to walking across states to reach a refuge after the world shit itself. Neil could hardly believe how much his life had changed. 

Life was beginning to calm down all things considering, and the Foxes were quickly learning how to fit into NYR. Carter wasn’t exaggerating when he said everyone had a role at the Refuge. Almost immediately, Neil was recruited as a “runner”. When he told Andrew about being a runner, Andrew had snorted and said _once a runner always a runner_.

Runners were the people who left the Refuge to search for survivors or scavenge for more supplies. They were generally the fastest or the strongest people in the group, people who could handle themselves in a fight but also work well with a team. Lately, they’d been trying to push back into Syracuse and reclaim the city. 

Sometimes Andrew came with, but he mostly stayed at the Refuge and helped build more buildings or set up tents to expand the central point of the Refuge to fit more people. Since the runners started going into Syracuse more and more, they were coming back with more supplies they’d scavenged, which meant they needed more storage buildings. Before that, Andrew helped finish building one of the barns for the animals to sleep in.

Neil’s duffel was too big and too bulky to bring along, but luckily the Refuge had an extra backpack for him. Neil packed some food and water, his knife, bandages, and a couple other things that he might need when they went back to the city. Andrew dropped his bag next to Neil’s and began shoving some things in as well. 

“You’re coming with?” Neil asked. 

Andrew gave him a look that roughly translated to _don’t be stupid_ and said, “You’re going to Syracuse.”

Although Andrew usually stayed back when the runners went west to search for survivors, he always came with when they went to Syracuse. Neil knew it was because the city was a hundred times more dangerous and he wanted to keep an eye on Neil. Not that he was really complaining, he always felt better with Andrew by his side. 

The bell rang for breakfast so he and Andrew went down to the Mess Hall where they were serving pancakes and eggs. Katelyn was already there with Dan and Matt. She looked like she was about to fall asleep on top of her pancakes. 

“How’s it going in the lab?” Neil asked her as he plopped down beside Matt. 

Katelyn blinked and yawned. “It’s going well, I think. Aaron refuses to leave, even for breakfast though.” Katelyn paused, humming thoughtfully. “I think we’re really close to a breakthrough for the cure. He doesn’t want to leave until we have something concrete. He’s stubborn like that.”

“That’s amazing!” Matt said through a mouthful of egg. “How close are you guys?”

Suddenly more awake, Katelyn launched into a play-by-play of what they’d been working on. Nicky arrived at the table alone. When Dan asked where Erik was, he explained that he was at the lab for bloodwork. Katelyn filled in that they thought Erik’s blood might set the ground-work for the cure since he survived the early stages of the Fever. 

“We don’t know of anyone else who’s survived it like Erik has. I’m sure there are others, but it seems to be really rare.”

While Aaron and Katelyn worked in the lab, Madison stayed in the little day-care the Refuge set up for kids. Sometimes Betsy or Matt volunteered to help watch the little ones, but it was usually a couple of the other Refugees.

After Andrew and Neil were done with breakfast, they swung back to their lodge and changed into better clothes. It was already starting to get cold, and New York wasn’t known for it’s sunny winters. 

Neil pulled his jersey on over a long sleeve shirt and swept his hair back in his orange bandana to keep it out of his face. There was technically no need to carry around his keys with him everywhere he went, but Neil couldn’t part with them. It reminded him of life before the apocalypse, and Neil liked to keep them on him whenever he could. Since he didn’t want to risk accidentally dropping them, and it was inconvenient to keep in his pocket, Neil tied his keys with a piece of fabric and wore them around his neck like a necklace. He tucked the keys under his jersey, taking comfort in the metal pressing against his chest like he did a hand pressed to the back of his neck, and shrugged on his backpack. 

Neil didn’t need to bring his crowbar with since he knew how to properly handle a gun, but he brought it along anyway. Andrew didn’t take the nail bat, instead he kept it under his cot in the lodge. He didn’t have a gun though, so Neil gave him the gun. 

They were some of the first people to the jeeps, so Neil chatted idly with Sandy and Markus, other runners who were already up and waiting. When the rest of the runners who volunteered that day arrived, they loaded up into three jeeps and set out. 

The outskirts of Syracuse were about twenty minutes away from the Refuge. They could see the outline of it from the Refuge, but up close it looked worse. The runners hadn’t gotten very far into the city yet, it was a long process clearing an area and then securing it from the rest, especially since most of the city was infested with hordes of zombies and littered with rubble. Neil didn’t really need to worry about that, though, he was more of a scavenger. He searched for things they couldn’t make at the Refuge like soap, toilet paper, clothes, and any other medical supplies while the others expanded the boundaries. 

Sandy stopped the jeep just as they reached the outer edge of the city, but she didn’t turn off the engine. She called to the drivers in the other jeeps, and when they all agreed it was safe, they went in. Everyone was immediately on high alert when they entered the city, scanning for any and all signs of movement or danger. It was eerily quiet, making Neil feel on edge. Neil with the rusted part of his crowbar while Andrew had his gun trained to the outside of the jeep. 

They reached where they had left the barriers last time, so Neil and the others hopped out and immediately got to work. Sandy and Markus opened a section of the barrier up and ushered the others in. Neil couldn’t see how many zombies there were on the other side, but he could hear the unmistakable sound of shuffling and low growls. The runners with guns stayed a safe distance away as they started taking care of the zombies. When they were all dead, they picked up the barriers and moved forward as much as they could so they could separate that area and make sure it was empty. Later that day, the runners would collect the bodies of the dead and dispose of them, burning them to prevent the spread of disease.

Neil pulled his mask over his mouth and helped Andrew pick up a piece of rubble and move it forward to form a piece of the barrier. After they were done, Neil scanned the area for a place that was likely to have more supplies. A lot of the area was already destroyed, there was broken glass and scorch marks across buildings and the ground was littered with debris and traffic cones. 

Neil found a promising warehouse and looked for a way in. Andrew nudged him in the back and pointed to a section of the wall that had caved in. They picked their way across the clearing, vaulted over an abandoned car that was wedged between two large cement bricks, and ducked inside. 

The inside of the warehouse was cool and musty. The dank air and smelled vaguely like mildew, reminding Neil of the underneath of a highway overpass. Light filtered in through broken windows, revealing shelves of boxes and crates that had fallen over with their contents strewn about.

Neil nudged one of the boxes with his foot and then bent to rifle through it while Andrew watched his back. The first box didn’t have anything useful, so handing his crow bar to Andrew to free up both his hands, he started going through the others. 

He found more bandages and painkillers shoved to the back of one of the shelves and some cans of peas and carrots on another. There was a box partially hidden by shadows and junk a little bit away, so Neil cleared it off and sliced it open with his knife. He called triumphantly back to Andrew when the box was full of travel-sized bottles of shampoo and body wash. 

Andrew turned his head and stilled. He lifted the gun and pointed it to a spot behind Neil. “Neil,” he warned. 

Neil looked behind him to see a hand crawling out from under empty cardboard boxes. The hand was connected to an arm, which Neil assumed was connected to the rest of the body. He stepped back and carefully made his way over to Andrew, abandoning the box of shampoo and grabbing his crowbar. The hand twitched and began to pull the rest of its body out of the rubble. 

Neil tightened his grip on the crowbar. Andrew didn’t even look away from the zombie as it crawled into the light. He flicked off the safety and hovered his finger over the trigger. Shooting it would be last resort, since the gunshot could attract the attention of more zombies and they didn’t have a way of securing the area like they did outside, but the zombie didn’t seem to pose a huge threat to them. When it got close enough, Neil stepped forward and swung the crowbar in an arc over his head where it sunk into the zombie’s skull with a wet crunch. 

Neil grabbed the box of shampoo and motioned for Andrew to follow. Andrew didn’t lower the gun as they picked their way through the room in case there was anymore zombies around. Neil led them out of the warehouse where he dumped everything he found into one of the jeeps to clear up space in his backpack. The rest of the runners were already ahead of them, some combing through other buildings while others began piling up the bodies to burn. 

Andrew pointed out a small store nestled between two larger buildings that looked mostly untouched. The door was jammed, so Neil shimmied in through one of the windows after Andrew. A piece of glass got caught on his sleeve, slicing a hole through the fabric to his skin. Neil hissed and yanked his arm back. 

Andrew took Neil’s arm in his hands and turned it this way and that to inspect it. It wasn’t deep enough to warrant stitches, but it would definitely hurt for the next couple days. He would definitely need to bandage that as soon as possible. Andrew reached into his backpack and pulled out a roll of bandages, but before he could begin wrapping Neil’s arm, Neil’s attention was snagged on the open door behind him. 

Neil could see movement in the shadows. He warned Andrew with a tug on his shirt as he snatched the crowbar again. It wasn’t a large group of zombies, but Andrew and Neil were outnumbered three to one. Andrew couldn’t let Neil do all the work when he only had a crowbar, so he flicked off the safety of the gun and shot one of the zombies in the face. 

Another zombie leapt at Neil with a snarl, arms outstretched and nails bloodied. Neil sidestepped it and twisted, swinging the crowbar like he would an Exy racket and landing a blow to the zombie’s back. It crumbled to the ground and Neil didn’t waste time smashing its head in against the floor. Andrew fired off two more shots behind Neil, killing off another zombie. The shots caught the attention of the other runners and Sandy jumped in through the window and staked a zombie through the eye with a metal pipe. 

They killed off the rest of the zombies, and Sandy immediately pulled the bodies out of the store to pile on top of the others. Neil’s fingers brushed against the exposed part on his arm when he wiped blood down the front of his shirt, reminding him of the cut, so Neil bandaged it before using a relatively clean part of his jersey to mop blood off of his hands.

They stayed for about an hour after that, they made good progress pushing the boundaries and scavenging for supplies. Markus and some of the other runners loaded the jeeps up with their finds as two of the others poured gasoline on the pile of bodies and torched it. Neil hated this part, he always ended up turning away from the bonfire and breathing into his shirt so he didn’t smell the stench of charred flesh and gasoline. 

The Refugees were about to leave, but one of the jeeps stalled so Sandy had to give it a jump. It took several minutes for the other jeep to start up again, allowing the runners to finally leave.

Sweat beaded on Neil’s forehead. Readjusting his bandana over his hair to wipe off the sweat, Neil pushed his hair back. He didn’t stop sweating when they left the city, despite it not being too hot out. Neil ran his tongue over the roof of his mouth which was beginning to dry out and crack. He chugged some of his water, but it didn’t seem to be enough. He finished the water in one bottle and had to open another, but he was still thirsty when he was finished with that one, too. 

Andrew eyed Neil suspiciously, but Neil waved him off. “I’m fine. Just thirsty,” he rasped. Andrew didn’t look convinced at all, especially when Neil raised his hand and found it was violently trembling. 

“Neil,” Andrew said, his voice low and cautious, “Your face is flushed.”

“’M fine. I’m _fine_.” Neil shook his head, but the motion made the world tilt a little to the side so he rested his head in his hands. His palms were clammy and sweaty against his face. “I think it’s the heat.”

They were already inside the Refuge by the time Neil started to feel nauseous. His stomach turned and turned and he was sure his lunch was about to make a reappearance. He swallowed the lump in his throat unsuccessfully. He needed more water. A hand pressed against his neck. Neil shied away from the touch, it hurt against his overheated skin. When he looked up, Andrew’s face was blurred and the world spun around him. Neil could see Andrew’s mouth moving, but he couldn’t understand what he was saying. 

Andrew’s eyes were sharp and a concerned wrinkle appeared between his eyebrows. “Neil.” He sounded far away. His face blurred and refocused again. “Let me see your arm.”

Neil’s body felt heavy, but he managed to force himself up to offer his arm to Andrew. Andrew unwrapped the bandages covering the cut from the glass and Neil’s heart sank when he saw the crusted blood and yellow pus oozing from the cut and the dark veins spiderwebbing away from it. 

The jeep stopped, but Neil still felt like he was moving. He didn’t know how everything had gone to shit so quickly. They were supposed to be _okay_. Andrew wrapped his arm around Neil’s waist and hoisted him up so he could get him out of the jeep. Andrew’s arm was solid and unforgiving around Neil, it felt like the air was being squeezed out of his lungs. 

“Was he bitten? Shit, we have to get him out of here –” Neil heard someone say. He thought it might have been Markus. 

Andrew shifted so he was holding Neil up with one arm and the gun with the other. Neil noticed the safety was off. “No. I’m taking him to the medics.”

Andrew started walking again, but people around them were yelling and someone tried to pull Neil away. Andrew struck out with the butt of the gun, and someone hit the ground. 

Neil shook his head. He felt disconnected from his body and his mind, he barely registered when he slumped to the ground. Heat seemed to eat through Neil and burn from the inside of him. It was hard to think. 

Andrew tried hauling Neil up but Neil shook his head again, he knew what was happening to him. His mouth still felt too dry when he said, his voice sounding muffled and cloudy, as if he were underwater, “I’m turning, Andrew. You have to put me down before I turn.” 

Neil couldn’t hear what Andrew was saying over the ringing in his ears, but the safety was back on the gun and Andrew was shaking his head. Neil slipped his keys from around his neck and pressed them into Andrew’s palm, squeezing his fingers so hard around them the keys probably made indents in Andrew’s skin. He licked his cracked lips and said, “It’s okay. It’s okay.”

It wasn’t okay. Neil’s entire body was trembling and soaked through with sweat as his blood boiled in his veins. Underneath the heat, Neil could feel panic and adrenaline pulsing through his body but it only made Neil scared, it didn’t make him strong. He thought of decaying skin and the smell of rot. He didn’t want to be like that. 

Andrew tried to pull away, but Neil grabbed Andrew’s other hand with the gun and rested the nozzle right between his eyes. Andrew yanked his arm back but Neil gathered every last bit of strength he had and kept the gun pressed to his head. All Neil could focus on was Andrew’s eyes, the familiar hazel-gold Neil thought about whenever he couldn’t sleep. If this was the last thing Neil ever saw, he was going to drink in every second of it. “You have to do it, Andrew. I don’t want to turn. I don’t want to –”

A cough wracked Neil’s entire body and tore him apart from the inside out. His head throbbed painfully like there was a metal gong in his head that someone kept repeatedly striking. Andrew gave one last attempt to wrestle the gun away from Neil but Neil slid his hands across the back of Andrew’s and flicked the safety off. He hovered a shaking finger over the trigger and let himself look one last time. _I don’t want to lose this. I don’t want to die._

“Neil –”

“Don’t look,” Neil said, squeezing his eyes shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)
> 
> the songs for this chapter are [bleeding out](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNFgynmVmx0) and [battle cry](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbwIl59U-jM) by imagine dragons


	16. Chapter 16

“Stop! Don’t shoot!” 

Andrew jerked back at the sound of Aaron’s voice, successfully wrestling the gun from Neil’s limp hands. His heart thrummed desperately against his ribcage like a trapped bird with a broken wing and he was shaking almost as violently as Neil was. This was the most scared he’d ever felt in years. 

Neil’s hand went slack around Andrew’s and slipped to the ground. His eyes cracked open and the blue seemed to glow against the bloodshot backdrop. Neil’s mouth moved wordlessly, reminding Andrew of a fish out of water. 

“I think we figured it out. The cure. I think we have it,” Aaron panted, waving a small vile around in his hand. People had already gathered around them by now, but Andrew ignored them as his full attention was on his brother. 

Two other doctors ran after Aaron, shouting and arguing louder. Dr. Samson made to grab Aaron but Aaron jerked his arm away from her. 

“Shut up,” Aaron snapped, turning to the doctors. “We have no idea whether this will work until we actually try it out. He’s still alive, but he won’t be for very much longer. We have a test subject right in front of us. This is our chance. We’d be stupid not to take it.”

“If this doesn’t work and he turns, he’ll put the entire Refuge at risk. I’m not willing to –”

“I am,” Andrew interjected. He motioned to Aaron. “Give it to him.”

If there was even the tiniest sliver of a chance that Neil could survive this, Andrew would stop at nothing to take it. It was either Neil dying and turning or getting the cure and recovering. Even if the cure ended up not working and Neil still turned, Andrew would never forgive himself if he didn’t make them try. 

Samson and the other doctor ducked their head together to discuss. Andrew wanted to yell at them to hurry up. Neil’s body was hot to the touch and his veins were a dark purple against his sallow skin. He didn’t have very much longer, he already looked dead. Undead.

“Fine. We’ll try it, but as soon as he shows signs of turning, we’re putting him out right away.” Samson snapped her fingers and Aaron pit the vile in her expectant palm. She pulled a needle and syringe out of her pocket and filled it with the greenish-yellow liquid from the vile. 

“Neil, do you hear me?” Samson said as she hovered over Neil. Neil’s eyes squinted, but he didn’t seem to hear what she was saying. “I’m going to administer the cure for N1-T0 to you. I need you to cooperate with me.”

Andrew gently shuffled Neil over and pushed his sleeves up so Dr. Samson could use a wet wipe and clean the spot on his arm where she planned to inject him. Her touch was clinical and professional, she was calmer than Andrew felt. Samson flicked the needle once and poked it into Neil’s skin. Neil didn’t even seem to feel it. 

“Bring him to the lab and watch his vitals. Record everything, even the tiniest changes. I want him handcuffed to the bed, just in case,” Samson ordered. Andrew helped Aaron bring Neil into the lab and strap him onto the bed. Neil grabbed Andrew’s hand but he didn’t look like he was aware of what was happening.

Erik looked up when they entered, his eyes going impossibly wide when he saw them. “Neil?”

Andrew ignored him and brushed Neil’s sweaty curls out of his face as Aaron put an IV in Neil’s arm where the cure was injected and hooked him up to a couple machines. The cure didn’t seem to be doing anything yet, but Neil was still breathing. It was enough for now.

~ ~ ~

Neil was in and out of consciousness for the next couple days. The Foxes visited him at the lab a couple times, but Samson wouldn’t let anyone but Aaron, Katelyn, or Abby actually see him. Whenever Andrew wasn’t working, he was waiting outside the lab trying to find a way to force his way in. Markus was stationed outside the lab as well just in case something went wrong, or if Andrew tried to get in without authorization. The bruise where Andrew hit him was swollen and purple, but Markus didn’t seem to be bothered, even if he and Andrew didn’t really talk while they waited. No hard feelings or whatever.

Even Stephanie Walker visited. She wasn’t allowed in the lab either, even though she worked closely with the doctors when she was broadcasting or communicating with the CDC and other Refuges. 

Bee sometimes sat outside with him and Andrew used her presence like an anchor. It reminded him of their sessions in college. Usually Bee would ask how Neil was doing like Andrew had any idea other than what Aaron told him, and then she would talk about something pointless like what was happening in the Refuge or the other Foxes. 

Sometimes Andrew closed his eyes and memorized the ridges of Neil’s keys while he listened to Bee talk. Bee didn’t seem to mind that Andrew never said anything back, she never did. She just kept talking and knew Andrew was listening. 

Andrew wasn’t her patient anymore, and Bee wasn’t his therapist, but that didn’t mean they didn’t talk. Bee still checked up on him and made sure he was taking care of himself, even if he didn’t ask her to. If it had been anyone else, Andrew would have questioned it, rejected it, even. But it was Bee. 

Whenever Bee or Nicky or Kevin visited, it helped distract Andrew from his thoughts. When he was alone, it was too easy to think about how pale Neil’s skin was, about his bloodshot eyes and his shaking hands. He couldn’t get Neil’s voice telling him to put him down out of his head. Andrew could still feel the cool metal of the gun in his hands as Neil pressed it to his forehead. 

The fever broke on the thirteenth day when Andrew was sure he would finally lose it. He was helping some of the other builders install the roof on the new storage house when Nicky told him. Andrew dropped the wooden plank he’d been holding in the dust and made a bee-line for the lab. 

He was ready to draw a knife on anyone that tried to get in his way of seeing Neil, but Markus didn’t say anything when Andrew yanked open the door hard enough to rip it off its hinges. Andrew knew exactly where Neil was, and nothing could stop him from getting to him. Samson looked up and eyed him warily as he shoved past, but she busied herself with cleaning beakers and didn’t try to stop him. 

Neil’s eyes were closed when Andrew stopped by his bed. His skin was still pale, but his veins weren’t as dark as they had been the last time Andrew saw him. Scratches covered Neil’s arms, some of them were scabbed over already, but there were still a couple that were bleeding still. The scratches were worse around the IV and Neil’s throat, like Neil was trying to claw his windpipe out. Someone had to tape over the IV and the wire to prevent Neil from taking it out. Andrew pressed the back of his hand to Neil’s sweaty forehead. He wasn’t burning up anymore, but he also didn’t stir when Andrew touched him. 

Andrew didn’t notice when Aaron came up next to him until he spoke. “It’s working. We think he’s going to be okay.” 

“When will he wake up?”

“I’m not sure.” Aaron frowned, not meeting his brother’s eyes. “It got worse before it got better. I didn’t think he was going to pull through, but Josten’s always been a stubborn little ass.”

The corner of Andrew’s mouth threatened to quirk up, but he forced it to stay flat. Aaron had never liked Neil, just as Andrew had never liked Katelyn. But Andrew and Aaron came to an understanding with each other. Neil made Andrew happy the way Katelyn did for Aaron, and it was enough for the other.

Even after Aaron left to go do something else, Andrew stayed with Neil for another hour until Samson kicked him out. Andrew was about to argue, but Abby said they’d tell him first thing if anything changed. 

Andrew skipped dinner that night to get a head start on the showers. He didn’t let himself think as he washed the soap from his hair. He didn’t think anything at all until the water shut off and he got dressed. It was already dark when he left the showers, the stars twinkled above him.

When Andrew scooped up his dirty clothes and threw them on the pile beside his and Neil’s cot, an alarm started to blare. It wasn’t the bell from the Mess Hall, Andrew had never heard this alarm before. 

He grabbed his nail bat and poked his head out of the flap of his room. Kevin was already out in the aisle, looking out of breath and sweaty. Andrew snapped his fingers in Kevin’s face and said, “What’s going on?”

“There’s a breach in the South field. I don’t know how many there were, but it looked like a lot.”

“A lot of _what_ , Kevin,” Andrew asked irritably, but he thought he had a good idea what it was.

“Zombies. It looks like a horde. Hundreds.”

Andrew cursed and he and Kevin rushed out of the lodge to where the rest of the Refugees were gathering in the center. A large man with a gun strapped to his back stood on a crate someone had hauled in so he could see over everyone.

“We need to keep the dead away from the living,” the man started. “The horde is heading our way, and it’ll only take them about forty minutes to reach us. If we can fight them back and keep them away from the heart of the Refuge, we’ll be able to keep the home that we’ve worked for, the home that we _survived_ for, safe. But we need to fight and we need to fight together.”

Andrew thought the speech was a little melodramatic, but several people cheered and rose their weapons over their heads. “Good. The rest of you, take everyone else and keep them safe. If fights makes its way here, you’ll need to defend them with everything you’ve got.”

The man jumped down from the crate and started giving orders on where to go. Andrew had Kevin beside him, and he could only see Wymack, Renee, and Dan in the crowd around him. He assumed the rest of the Foxes were somewhere in the crowd where or helping to evacuate to somewhere safer. 

A short woman with blonde hair pulled back into a ponytail led a section of the people around the field to flank the horde and attack from the side. A couple other groups circled around to the other side while the others attacked head on. 

It was too dark to clearly see how many zombies there were, but Andrew could make out a swarm of bodies pushing and shambling around each other. As soon as they made it to the horde, Andrew’s group scattered and spread out to avoid being surrounded. Andrew swung his bat and struck out every way he could. The nails did some serious damage, but it didn’t matter unless he aimed for the head. 

One zombie surged forward faster than Andrew expected and snapped at his face. Andrew just barely backed away in time and swung his bat, but the nails got caught in the zombie’s chest and it was jarred from his hands. Andrew cursed and leapt for it, but another zombie intercepted him and nearly clawed his throat. 

Out of nowhere, Kevin yanked Andrew backwards and prevented him from being scratched. Kevin used the butt of his Exy racket to spear the zombie through the face and swung it so the head sunk into the skull of another zombie. He heaved them both forward and the bodies sprawled into the mass of zombies and disappeared under hundreds of feet. 

“You okay?” Kevin yelled, helping Andrew to his feet. Andrew nodded breathlessly and retrieved his bat before it could get trampled. 

Someone crumbled to the ground in front of Andrew and nearly took him down with them. Andrew dodged to avoid person’s flailing limbs as several zombies jumped on top of them like savage dogs. Andrew swung his bat and dislodged one of the zombies, but it was too late. By the time Andrew reached the fallen person, their face was a bloody unrecognizable mess. Andrew could do nothing for the person and more zombies were getting close, so he backed away and found Kevin again.

Gunshots mowed the zombies down, some reaching their mark and others just knocking the zombies off their feet. Andrew and Kevin smashed zombie brains into the ground with the other fighters until the horde was significantly decreased. 

An object flew through the air over Andrew’s head and landed in the midst of zombies and bodies. As soon as it shattered on the ground, fire erupted and exploded in a massive column of fire, knocking Andrew to his ass. Something smacked Andrew in the face, but he couldn’t see what, he thought it might have been an errant elbow. His cheek throbbed from the blow as he scrambled to get up.

Flames spread quickly through the horde of zombies, eating up bodies and the tall grass of the field. Heat licked at Andrew’s face, forcing him to take several steps backwards to prevent losing his eyebrows. The night was alive with sparks flying into the air, people screamed and jostled Andrew and Kevin with elbows and shoulders as they struggled to get away. 

The fire burned out as quick as it started, and all it left behind was charred remains that sizzled and cracked. Andrew whipped around, expecting more of a fight, but the other fighters were already taking care of the stragglers. The horde was dead, for good. They’d won. 

It took awhile to go through everyone to get their injuries tended to when the fighters went back. Andrew didn’t have anything too bad, a minor burn that resembled a sunburn and a few bumps and bruises here and there. Kevin was the same, as was Dan. Renee had a pretty nasty-looking gash from a piece of shrapnel in her shoulder, but she’d live. 

The rest of the Foxes had either stayed behind or were separated in the fight. But Andrew spotted Allison sitting with Renee and the top of Erik and Nicky’s heads bobbing through the crowd. Dan started to round up the rest of the Foxes to make sure everyone was alright.

A lot of people had burns and more than one person had been scratched in the fight. The people who’d been scratched were immediately taken to the hospital tent and the medical buildings to be given the cure injection. Aaron told Andrew that as soon as Neil was given the cure, they started producing more of and it to refine it. 

The people who were bitten weren’t so lucky.

Andrew went to the lab to find Aaron and see Neil. Markus wasn’t standing guard outside anymore, so Andrew didn’t have any trouble getting in. Abby and Katelyn were there with Samson and a couple of the other doctors. 

“Is everyone okay?” Katelyn asked. 

“Fine. Where’s my brother?” Andrew asked abruptly. 

“He’s helping give out the vaccinations to the infected people,” Samson said. Andrew didn’t ask her, so he didn’t bother to respond. Instead he went to Neil’s bedside.

In the low light, Neil’s auburn hair seemed to be the brightest thing in the room, even against the stark white bed sheets. Andrew fiddled with the IV, moving it so it wouldn’t get tangled with the other wires when Neil moved. When he looked into Neil’s face, Neil already had his eyes cracked open. 

A jolt of adrenaline went through Andrew at the sight of Neil’s blue, blue eyes. He swallowed the lump in his throat and reflexively slid his hand underneath Neil’s neck.

Neil blinked up at Andrew a couple times, but his eyes were clear and Andrew thought this was the most lucid he’d been in weeks. Andrew felt like his tongue was glued to the roof of his mouth, he couldn’t quite coax the words he wanted to say out. He felt ragged and torn to shreds despite the fight already being over.

Inexplicably, Neil smiled up at him and said in a cracked voice, “I told you I wanted to come back for you.”

Andrew clenched his jaw, hardly believing that those were the first words out his Junkie’s mouth. He said, without any real heat, “You fucking idiot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!!
> 
> the song for this chapter is [the war by thirty seconds to mars](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMAVLXk9QWA)


	17. Chapter 17

Four years later, Neil found himself back in Syracuse, New York. Except this time, he had the rest of the Foxes by his side and he wasn’t fighting for his life. 

After Neil made a full recovery from the Brazilian Fever, Dr. Samson contacted the CDC and the rest of the Refuges all over the world. Erik’s blood lay the groundwork for the cure, and with Neil the CDC was able to fill in the missing pieces and refine it. Trial and error. 

It was Aaron who figured it out, really. Since N1-T0 was caused by bacteria instead of a virus, he figured that it was similar to Small Pox. Erik had already fought off the Fever and survived it; if they could use his blood, they might find themselves a cure.

The CDC launched the cure of N1-T0 worldwide, just four months after Neil recovered. Soon enough, humanity started to heal from the wounds caused by the Fever. Dr. Samson and the rest of the doctors who worked on the cure were all given awards and medals – it even aired on television though not a lot of people were able to watch it. 

When Aaron accepted his award alongside Katelyn and Abby, he said he wasn’t a hero, he just wanted to help create a better world for his daughter to grow up in. Neil thought it was kind of cheesy, but he didn’t mention that to anyone.

Even though the world lost nearly half of its human population, the rest of humanity began to recover. Neil and the other runners continued to take back Syracuse and four years later, they had almost secured the entire city. All over the world other people did the same. Humanity was finally learning to walk on new legs. 

Kevin was even able to get ahold of Jean through Stephanie a year after the cure was launched. Stephanie was still broadcasting and communicating with the other Refuges, so Kevin decided to try his luck and see if he could talk to his old friend again. Jean reported back to him two weeks later that he and Jeremy were both okay and that they were staying in the LA Refuge. 

Some of the Refugees from NYR moved back into the city, the Foxes included. Andrew found an apartment in one of the buildings. Most of the lower-floor rooms were trashed and almost completely uninhabitable, so they chose one on the eighth floor. Neil guessed he really couldn’t complain, even if they had to climb the stairs since the elevators weren’t working. Reparations to the city would have to come later. 

Neil kind of loved their apartment, anyway. When Andrew discovered it and picked the lock to let them in, it seemed mostly untouched from the destruction on the lower levels. They still needed to fix some things up, like the broken cabinet and the shattered window in the living room, but Neil loved it all the same. 

Andrew wasn’t comfortable going up to the rooftop of the fifteen-story building, but they had a small balcony that he and Neil preferred anyway. It was more secluded and completely their own. It even had a nice view, if Neil ignored the rubble and broken windows of the city. 

A week before, Neil found an old Exy court that he’d been itching to break into while he and Andrew were exploring. When the Foxes left Palmetto all those years ago, Neil was sure he would never play Exy again. He never expected the apocalypse to end and that they’d be able to live a semi-normal life again, let alone that he’d live near an Exy court. 

Andrew had scoffed at him and called him a Junkie when Neil told him about it, but he still helped Neil round up the rest of the Foxes to check it out. 

The court wasn’t regulation size, since it used to be meant for just recreation and high school games, but Neil didn’t care. Neil didn’t know if he’d ever see the Foxhole Court ever again, or if he’d ever play on it, but he hoped in the future he would be able to return to the first place he ever found a home. 

But home had never really been a place, Neil thought as he looked at Andrew.

“Staring,” Andrew said when he caught Neil looking. Neil didn’t bother disagreeing. Andrew raised his eyebrow. “Are we going in or not?”

“We’re going in,” Kevin said, already pushing the door open. Surprisingly, it was unlocked. 

The inside of the court was dark, but Nicky found a light switch and the lights flickered to life, lighting up every seat in the stadium and line on the court. Kevin called out behind him that he was going to find some gear with Renee. Neil was about to follow, but his gaze was too focused on the court. 

His heart sped up in his chest and he ached to play. He’d even brought his old Fox jersey that previously was hung up in Neil’s closet. Andrew stood beside him, but he didn’t seem to care that he was standing in an Exy court. He gave Neil an unimpressed look and trailed after Kevin. 

Matt pointed out something with his cane. When Nicky laughed uproariously, Neil looked to see a picture tacked on the wall of the Foxes from his freshman year after they won championships. It was faded and dusty, but unmistakable. Underneath it someone had scrawled _fuck the Ravens_ with a marker. It was smeared, making it look like someone had tried to unsuccessfully scrub it away.

Kevin called from down the hall, so Neil followed his voice to an old storage closet. He’d hit a jackpot with Exy gear, there were helmets, rackets, jerseys, and chest pieces. Allison even found some neck guards shoved in the back. 

They didn’t fit exactly right, and Neil couldn’t even find shin guards in his size, but the Foxes made do. Neil strapped himself into the gear, not caring that the other Foxes could see his scars. He was past caring about them. Neil was with his family and that was all that really mattered. 

When Neil pulled on his Fox jersey over his gear, Dan clacked their sticks together and said, “Once a Fox, always a Fox.”

Neil swung his racket and felt every muscle in his body stretch as he reached for the ball Dan passed to him. He sidestepped Aaron and swerved past Allison to take a shot on goal. Andrew had never let him get by so easily, however, so he slammed the ball all the back up court, making him race for it. 

After a few minutes, Kevin stumbled and collided with the Plexiglas when he dove for the ball. Matt offered him up but only after Neil snagged the ball and launched it at the goal again, this time making it when Andrew’s racket just barely missed. 

“You need help, Kev? I think you’re getting a little old,” Neil said as he trotted by. 

“Fuck you,” Kevin called out after him, his voice lacking any real anger.

They couldn’t play for very long, they were so out of practice and even Neil found himself out of breath after one short scrimmage that Kevin’s team won. After a while, Matt decided to sit out on the benches with the rest of the Foxes who didn’t want to play because his leg started to hurt. Katelyn and Erik cheered loudly on the sidelines as Wymack, Abby, and Betsy watched. 

Katelyn and Aaron brought Maddy along as well. She mostly stayed on Katelyn’s lap when they played, but she started to get antsy and wanted to play, too. Neil couldn’t believe Maddy had grown so quickly. She looked a lot like Katelyn with her strawberry blonde curls and a lot like Aaron with his hazel eyes. 

Aaron put a stop to the scrimmage before anyone could really win so that could Maddy swing his Exy racket around on the court. Renee tucked a strand of lavender-dyed hair behind her ear and propped the door open for the Foxes to file off.

Neil didn’t complain, he was soaked through with sweat and really wanted a shower. He didn’t know if the showers here worked, but he was willing to wait until he got back to the apartment. 

Neil slipped the bandana off of his head and shook out his hair before plopping down beside Andrew on the bench. A rustling underneath him caught his attention, making Neil pause. 

Neil wanted to look under the bench, but a part of him told him not to. He didn’t really expect to find a zombie there, but it was so engrained in him to make sure. He hadn’t seen a zombie in almost a year, most of them had been cleared out of Syracuse and a lot of the rest had already died off, but zombie sightings weren’t unheard of, especially in big cities like Syracuse. 

Another rustle and the fact that nothing was trying to eat his ankles made Neil look under his seat. He peered down and came face to face with glowing green eyes. The creature pawed at Neil’s face making Neil jerk back to avoid a claw in the eye. He dropped to his knees to try and coax the cat out. 

“Andrew, Andrew look,” Neil said, clicking his tongue at the cat. “I found another cat.”

“Fuck no. One cat is enough.”

Neil ignored him and gently petted the cat on its head until the little thing began to purr. It was skinny with a fluffy gray pelt that was missing patches of fur in some places. Neil clicked his tongue again. “Poor little thing. You’ve probably been here for a while.” 

“Look at him, Andrew,” Neil said, lifting the cat off the ground so Andrew could get a good look at the mangy thing. 

“It looks like it has fleas. For all we know, it’s a zombie cat.”

Neil gave him an unimpressed look. “Sir needs a play-mate.”

Andrew just stared at him until he let out a long-suffering sigh. “You are insufferable. I am not helping you take it back to the apartment.”

Andrew didn’t help Neil take the cat, which Nicky dubbed King Fluffkins, back to the apartment but King barely struggled in his arms. The Foxes parted ways, but not forever. Renee suggested they meet up again soon, and everyone else was quick to agree. 

Neil told Andrew he would have to call Sir by her name since they had two cats now and he couldn’t call Sir “cat” anymore. Andrew responded by calling King “cat two”. 

Neil made a home with Andrew and their cats in Syracuse, even after all the Foxes had gone through to make it there. Maybe the world would never be the same after what happened, but it was hard to care when Neil had Andrew by his side. 

When they got to the apartment and Neil let King explore his new place, Andrew pulled Neil into a long kiss, and Neil knew he was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh!!!!! we're done!!!!! 45,000 words later!!!!
> 
> writing this fic and participating in the 2018 aftg big bang has honestly been such an amazing experience for me! I had so so much fun and i met some really great people along the way. i'd also like to think that this has made me a better writer. i've never written anything so long before, or even had the motivation to. when i signed up for the aftgbigbang i honestly didn't expect to go all the way through with it, but i'm so glad that i did! i love this story with all of my heart :D
> 
> the final song i chose for this story was [house on a hill by the pretty reckless](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbTjiW3MuQM). ~~it was totally cause i work in a movie theater and i just feel like this song would be playing at the end credits of a movie is that valid~~ also i love the song. (psst...[here's](https://open.spotify.com/user/222zagmm5t5j62g5v55uqmuea/playlist/7pDDJ3i10reUpnoGKZVBek?si=3_bTK32SSK2CAHaxPMriAQ) the playlist i promised :D
> 
> thank you so much to everyone who reading, commenting, and leaving kudos!! you all mean so much to me!!
> 
> and once again, big HUGE thanks to val!!! you can see the post with her art for the fic [here](https://www.tumblr.com/reblog/177563336589/KPWE2iEA) :')
> 
> if y'all have any questions or would just like to chat/yell at me, you can find my tumblr [here](http://sunshine-knox.tumblr.com/)


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